Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
The Help Desk guy has the day off (again), so today’s questions will be answered by an automated avatar generator!
Q: I have a G5 iMac that I bought about a year ago. I’d like to add a larger hard drive, but I’m concerned that it might be more than I can do myself. I have an AppleCare warranty on the machine and I was wondering if that would protect me if something went wrong when I tried to install the drive?
YOUR AVATAR IS PRETTY KITTY. YOU ENJOY PRETTY THINGS AND TEA PARTIES WITH STUFFED ANIMALS. YOU LIVE IN A RICH FANTASY WORLD THAT YOU USE TO SUBLIMATE THE EMPTY REALITY YOU EXPERIENCE EVERY DAY. MOSTLY BECAUSE YOUR WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.
Q: What? That’s… pff… I mean… um… you know, I just had the one tea party…
Q: My eMac has been a workhorse for years, but lately has been showing its age. The CRT monitor is taking a long time to warm up which has me really concerned. I’m assuming there’s no way to fix the display on an eMac, let alone replace it. What should I do?
YOUR AVATAR IS SEÑOR STINK. BECAUSE, SEÑOR, YOU STINK. PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BE AROUND YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR HORRIBLE BODILY FUNK. YOU SHOULD INVESTIGATE INDUSTRIAL CLEANING SERVICES, SUCH AS THOSE THAT SCRUB PEOPLE INVOLVED IN CHEMICAL SPILLS. SOMETHING WHERE YOU GET VIGOROUSLY RUBBED WITH BRILLO BY BURLY MEN IN RADIATION GEAR.
Q: … Wh… what does this have to do with my eMac?! And, for your information, I have a condition!
Q: I AM GLAARKU! THE DEVOURER OF SOULS, THE DARK ONE, THE NIGHTMARE! I WILL REND YOUR FLESH FROM YOUR BONES AND SUCK THE ESSENCE OF ALL THAT IS YOU FROM YOUR CRACKED SKULL! I WILL WEAR YOUR SKIN LIKE A COAT! MY CLAWS SHALL SKIN YOU WHERE YOU STAND! FEAR ME!
UH… WELL, ACTUALLY, YOUR AVATAR IS… UM… GLAARKU. YOU ARE THE DEVOURER OF SOULS AND… WELL, YOU KNOW THE REST.
Q: AH-HA-HA! INDEED! HA-HA! HA! HEH. UM… I ALSO HAVE A POWERBOOK THAT’S ACTING UP…
I DON’T DO THAT.
Q: HMM. NUTS.