30 Oct 05Off for a few days

Due to a pumpkin carving-related flesh wound (kids, don’t drink and carve), Crazy Apple Rumors Site will be off for a few days.

I know what you’re thinking. With a staff like ours, how is it that losing one guy to the DL can cause it to come to a grinding halt?

Well, Chet had a long-planned vacation with Emily, and while Ugluk’s an excellent networker, his copy need a lot of editing. I mean, while he’s getting more accurate, he’s still just banging on the keyboard with a rock.

And that’s it for writers, really. Thor pretty much gets to write his columns when he wants to – such is the nature of his contract.

He also gets to feed on our flesh if we ever get involved in a plane crash in the Andes.

Our HR lawyer really isn’t very good.

So rather than open the comments section up with the topic “What amazing things have you done with only one hand?”, I’ll ask “What was your worst self-inflicted injury?”

71 Responses to “Off for a few days”

  1. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:





  2. Nxxx says:

    For general information regarding The Invisible Evil Boys’ Choir post. The scansion improves when you realise that it is Latin and should be sang as a two syllable car-vay. Beethoven did not have to put up with this.

  3. Streetrabbit says:

    “Row vs. Wade” is the funniest thing ever written here (I’m looking at you Moltz) and marks the end of the grace period.

    I declare “Laugh at Katrina Victims Season 2005” officially open.

  4. ijit says:

    whats row vs wade????

  5. Abe Lincolnlogski says:

    Being conservative and supporting Bush are two different things. Thinking that all conservatives like Bush is the stereotype. He appointed an idiot to head FEMA. I’m sure your conservative friend from N.O. will at least acknowledge that.

    Loved “Row vs. Wade”

  6. Anonymous says:

    Things done one-handed AND self-inflicted injury!


  7. Walking Contradiction says:

    It depends on how deep the waters are – the deeper the waters the more I’d want to row instead of wade …

    Oh, you didn’t mean it that way? Sorry.

    And Abe is right. It’s one thing to be conservative, power to you for it. Variety is the spice of life. It’s another thing to support Bush – you have to be delusional (“brain-washed”) to still throw any faith (let alone support) into this failed administration. I quit counting the lies after getting lost somewhere after the first year (who would have thought I’d already be in the thousands at that point?). With the treasonous acts, personal vendetta war and utter failure at everything he’s done since, I’m amazed he hasn’t been thrown out of office and tarred and feathered yet.

    Want another republican president after all this? Fine, just find me one who’s honest and human for a change. I’d vote for Colin Powell (a liar I know, but it was under Bush’s command), but we’ll probably get the Dick. Please, someone, anyone, shoot him first!

    Sorry, bad day and I need to vent at something …


  8. No Sharp Objects Allowed says:

    I shot my self in the back of my right leg with an arrow.

    Much needed explanation:

    While bow fishing for alligator gar, I was unaware that the fishing line had gotten tangled up. So, while standing up in a john boat, I let fly an arrow on a 45 degree downward trajectory. It gets about 12 feet away from me when the slack ran out of the fishing line. Now I do not claim to know how fast an arrow can travel, but I can tell you that on that day it traveling 12 feet in exactly the same amount of time it took me to spin away from the returning arrow, at which point (no pun intended) the tip of the arrow lodged itself into the top of my thigh just below my right butt cheek.

  9. tritone says:


    You guys all win at the internet.

    The comments are better than the story.

  10. zounds Padang says:

    Hey, no dissing the rock method. Kept me alive these many years of using coffee-spill-induced sticky keybaords. I mean kedboards. I mean…

  11. 2000guitars says:

    Getting back to the story, is it just me or does Moltz seem awful proud of his staff?

    (sorry, that’s not original… Charlie’s Angels–“You have nice hands; I could use you on my staff.” “My hands aren’t going anywhere near your staff…”)

  12. 2000guitars says:

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think Borowitz is a riot and a half?


  13. Streetrabbit says:

    Sinse I upgaded to firfoks 1.5 spelbond dosn work. I hop thay reelees a nu vershun suen.

  14. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Looking into my Crystal ball……….

    Disgusted Col Retd is a ……… older white male, ……. is retired, …….. is disgusted, ……….. often wants to take people out and shoot them,…… served in the military, probably the British army.

    Am I right???

  15. iBode says:

    Guys, we really need a new article.

  16. Anonymous says:


    Your site is read to provide a relief from the horoscope bearing scum sheets that are the popular British press.

    It now bears a number of totally false and inappropriate attempts at character assassination. If you were the editor of my regimental newspaper, I’d have you taken out and shot at dawn.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  17. Private Ben J. Men says:

    Are you sure the RETD in Disgusted Col Retd is for retired, could it mean retarded?

    In fact he’s so funny he should have his own website, far away from CARS. Perhaps he should visit the mega post.

    MUST HAVE NEW ARTICLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Rick James says:

    “In the land of the unarmed, the one-armed man is king!”

    Well no, actually you can see the one armed man down at the freak show in the circus. Because in the land of the unarmed, they’d be saying “What the F*#% is sticking out of the side of that guy.” Just like they do with the three armed guys in our land.

    Sad but true.

  19. Ace Deuce says:

    I am bothered, yes, bothered that John Moltz had announced that CARS would take “a few days” off, when reality shows a week and counting. He is testing our loyalty. If this happens again I will have no choice but to get my jollies elsewhere. Sniff.

  20. iBode says:

    Alright. Everyone defect to my blog. Give me some story ideas… errr… tips, and I’ll write about them.

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