According to reports, Apple CEO Steve Jobs is dreading Thanksgiving as it means that he will forced to put the Christmas lights back up on One Infinite Loop again this weekend.
“I don’t know why I end up having to do this by myself,” Jobs said. “But somehow every year everyone seems to have something else to do.”
A quick back-of-the-envelope estimate validated Jobs’ griping over this matter. In order to adequately light the Apple campus – just to make it appear festive from de Anza Blvd. – the mercurial Apple CEO will have to string over three miles of lights.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a burnt bulb in a three-mile string?” Jobs asked. “It’s really fricking hard.
“And, actually, I’m not even sure where I put them when I took them down in January.”
According to Senior Vice President of Retail Ron Johnson, they are in a gigantic tangle on the floor of his office.
“I’m thinking of just going out an buying all new lights,” Jobs said. “At least I took the time last year to put up those plastic hooks.”
Jobs’ concern about the impending task was compounded last week when reports surfaced that Microsoft was planning to put mechanical reindeer on its lawn.
“That’s all I need,” Jobs moaned. “Now I’ve got to keep up with Gates. And, of course, I can’t just run out and buy mechanical reindeer, either. That would look completely lame. We may have him on interface design, but that bastard is relentless on holiday decorations.”
Jobs believes, however, that he will be triumphant.
“I’m leaning toward a big-assed mechanical Santa and surrounding him with a bunch of garden gnomes for elves with little work benches. I think I can get everything at Home Depot.”
Drivers passing by Apple over the weekend are asked not to yell out to Jobs if they spot him atop an aluminum ladder as it may distract him and he already doesn’t want to be up there.