12 Dec 05Happy Fricking Birthday!


In an incidence of serendipity not seen since Steve Jobs first met Steve Wozniak at a homebrew computer club and summer of love “freak-in” in 1973, both Crazy Apple Rumors Site and Jennifer fricking Connelly celebrated their birthdays today.

Not, um, actually together, sadly.

Nooooooo.

Let’s just say utterly luscious Ms. Connelly doesn’t return our phone calls.

And there were some… legal… unpleasantries.

Which required us to relinquish the crazyjenniferfrickingconnellyrumors.com domain name. Shame, really. Allow yourself for a moment to consider what might have gone on there.

Mmmmm…

OK, now come back.

It’s true that, technically, CARS’ 4th anniversary was on Saturday and the completely edible Ms. Connelly’s 35th birthday is today. But since we don’t publish on the weekends in accordance with Apple rumors site ordinance #387, we’re both celebrating on the same day. I don’t know what that did for her, but it gave us warm feelings.

Often in inappropriate places.

While we don’t know how the totally rubbable Ms. Connelly spent her “special day”, we took the day off to enjoy one of our favorite team-building exercises.

A violent, drunken round of mumbly peg with some Filipino sailors in the alley behind a bar down at the docks.

Followed by dessert and coffee at the Cheesecake Factory.

We like to think the eminently lickable Ms. Jennifer fricking Connelly had an equally good day.

Happy fricking birthday to all of us!

32 Responses to “Happy Fricking Birthday!”

  1. Wysz says:

    First, cause I’m awesome.

  2. carson says:

    It’s jennifer’s birthday? no wonder she was made at me today… sigh.

  3. John Moltz says:

    Actually, I think it’s your spelling she’s mad about.

  4. Sparky says:

    WooHoo!

  5. simX says:

    Come *ON*. Cheesecake Factory? Gag me with a steak knife!

  6. GingerSex says:

    Jennifer fricking Connelly Cheesecake, mmm tasty.

    Happy Birthday CARS. Heres to many more.

  7. Ace Deuce says:

    “completely edible”

    Once again, cannibalism insinuates itself into the narrative. “Delectable” would be much less likely to be taken literally by the simpleminded, although I don’t know why that is.

    I believe this comment will land in the top ten, so there’s another reason to celebrate.

  8. Gomathar says:

    Dude 8th? That’s practically lickable.

  9. Disgusted Co Retd says:

    Sir,

    Your smut-ridden innuendo is extremely offensive, childish and not the product of a sound Christian mind.

    In 1873, on the North West Frontier, sexual graffito appeared overnight on the Regimental Notice Board. As the perpetrator would not step forward and accept responsibility, I had the whole regiment taken out and shot, after which the firing squad committed suicide.

    May I humbly suggest that you replicate the firing squad’s action.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  10. webpablo says:

    10th! now we can talk

  11. Huh? says:

    My pants often go to inappropriate places.

    Alone.

    I never get to join.

    *sigh*

    All I get are the sordid stories. It’s not fair.

    But hey, what is?

    moo

  12. Sudo Nym says:

    Happy fricking birthday?

    What about Merry fricking Christmas?

    Don’t tell me you’re one of those liberals at war against Christmas?!? Seriously, don’t tell me that, because you’ll just be wasting your breath. You can’t sway me with your lies. Or the truth, either. Because I talk all the time and never listen to anything ANYONE says.

    I’m hoping to get a talk show on Fox News. Wish me luck.

  13. Small Paul says:

    I’ve got a rumour about Jennifer Connelly.

    The rumour is…

    …she *loves* me.

    (I’ll admit, it’s currently single-sourced and unsubstantiated.)

  14. That guy says:

    “Rubbable.” I’m not really sure what “rubable” would be, but it’s not “able to be rubbed.”

  15. one man and his mac says:

    Is Jennifer mad about Moltz’ spelling too? Is that the only thing of his she’s mad about? Will we find out if we tune in tomorrow? We’d better.

    And could someone enlighten me as to what ‘mumbly peg’ is?

  16. Woohoo! It’s BIRTHDAY time!

  17. John Moltz says:

    “Rubable” would be “able to be made into a rube.”

    Which is not what we meant, obviously.

    I mean, LOOK at her.

    Totally rubbable.

  18. Gag Halfrunt says:

    It’s an obvious mipsledding of ‘rhubarbable’, ‘able to be made into rhubarb’.

    You rube.

    And don’t you go telling me what you meant, I can decide that for myself.

  19. nerdo says:

    Jen is kinda cool, indeed. As company. I did spend one night with her, in high school, locked inside the building by mistake, and she was a most pleasant and delightful conversationist, yet people look at me weardly when I recall that memory.

  20. Del says:

    If Mumbly Peg is the same as Mumblety Peg it’s a game that involves throwing knives. You basically throw the knife at the ground or object and try to make sure it sticks.

    I’m not declaring war on Christmas for one reason, I need to save all my WMD for Groundhog’s Day. That is a holiday begging for a butt kicking. February 2 Punxsutawney will be mind and from there the WORLD!!!!!!

    MWWWAAAAHHHHHAAAAAA HAAA HAA

  21. Bing Crosby Ram Das says:

    Although it’s been said, many times, many ways:

    Hare Krishna!

    Krishna, Krishna!

    Guru Rama, to you!

  22. Ahnyer Keester says:

    First, I love the Disgusted Col Retd! Makes me want to commit suicide. In 1873. On the North West Frontier. Okay, that doesn’t make sense, but the Col still rocks.

    Happy fricken’ B-day CARS. You don’t look a day past 300 posts, I swear. And the reason Jennifer didn’t call you last night was because I had taken her out for dinner. And had her shot. On the Western Front. In 1866. Damn time-travel episodes.

  23. Ok. We’re offically confused. Is it “fricking” or “frickin'”?

    Make up your mind Moltz!

  24. maybe says:

    where’s the lickable phil schiller doll?

  25. Huck says:

    Happy Birthday CARS! Tastes like chicken!

  26. There Is No God says:

    In an ideal world, the RealDoll folks would have hooked up years ago with some horny Japanese tech firm, and created build to order sex bots, and I would have my Jennifer Fricken Connelly sex bot in my parivate harem.

    Seriously. I’m rarely the type to drool over some pretty celebrity or actress or model, but, Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I have and uber-crush on Ms. Fricken Connelly. Have had since “Labyrinth”.

  27. There Is No God says:

    Oh, and happy birthday, CARS. You rock my world. Well, you rock the corner of my desk at work, but it’s the thought that counts. Wait. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Jennifer Connelly. Want her. Want her bad.

  28. I’m sorry, I looked at the pix on IMDB and I must say that she’s not my fricking type. I’m more of a Tina fricking Majorino or Alyson fricking Hannigan type. Although, I certainly would not kick Jennifer fricking Connelly out of bed for using Linux or for laughing at my recent “Open Office” hoax… I mean standard, open standard, not a hoax!

  29. The Invisible Evil Boy's Choir says:

    FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’!

    FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’!

    FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’!

    FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’! FRICKIN’!

  30. iBode says:

    What’s this party about?

    Let’s see…

    Birthday…

    As in a Birthday Suit?

    Jennifer Connelly….

    Jennifer Connelly in a Birthday Suit?

    Ah, now I understand.

  31. madogdidit says:

    It was my site http://www.pacense.net ‘s birthday too on the 12th, but the celebration was not son fun 🙁

  32. noman says:

    I have a friend whose ex-girlfriend was Jennifer Connelly’s roommate in college. I’m not making this up; it is totally true. And Jennifer Connelly speaks chinese (I think Cantonese but I’m not sure maybe it was Mandarin.)