13 Dec 05Crazy-Assed Dude Buying PowerBook.

According to sources, some crazy-assed dude in Portland, Oregon, is buying himself a PowerBook. This shocking turn of event takes place just weeks before Apple is almost universally expected to introduce Intel-based PowerBooks in speeds of up to 3 Ghz for less than $1,000.

“That dude’s crazy!” exclaimed Pioneer Place Apple Store shopper Jim Greenfield, watching in shock from a safe distance as Adam Wilbourne completed his PowerBook purchase. “Doesn’t he know Apple’s going to introduce new Intel-based PowerBooks with, like, 8 GB of RAM and 400 GB hard drives for $500?”

Fellow shopper Rachel Hintz shook her head derisively.

“You’re way off on your specs,” she said. “It’s 20 GB of RAM and these new 7200 RPM terabyte drives from Toshiba that are completely silent. And Apple’s going to bust the $100 barrier.”

Hintz indicated Apple would actually be paying customers to take Intel-based iBooks when they are introduced as a “loss leader” in order to generate micro-payment sales on the iTunes Music Store.

Despite this analysis, Hintz claimed to have graduated from the University of Oregon with a degree in business.

Wilbourne, however, was unfazed by repeated entreaties to stop from both friends and strangers, as well as the odd slow-motion gesticulations and cries of “Noooooooo!” from those around him.

“I need a PowerBook now,” Wilbourne said simply, seemingly confused by the commotion. “And I’m not even sure I want an Intel-based Mac right now as I’d have to run a number of apps through Rosetta. And I expect the first generation may have some glitches.

“Ultimately, though, I just really have no idea what Apple’s going to announce at Macworld, or three week later or three months later for that matter. No one does.”

“It’s like that dude never read a rumor site!” Greenfield exclaimed, his eyes wide with disbelief. “What a crazy-assed dude!”

Ironically, Wilborne even shrugged off a last-minute appeal from an Apple sales associate who indicated that Macworld would bring PowerBooks with the ability to command the forces of time, space and dimension and free and recursively splitting magical Apple stock.

23 Responses to “Crazy-Assed Dude Buying PowerBook.”

  1. Steve says:

    First? 😮

  2. evetS says:

    o: ?tsriF

  3. Nxxx says:

    Can I order a Cube for 10,000 bucks?

  4. Huh? says:

    A good friend of my pants once told me- ‘Never, EVER buy a version 1.0 of a product… Not even a Mac.’

    Well, my pants (and my pants friends) have never led me wrong before.

    So I went and got a quad core G5 instead.

    yeah, whatever.


  5. John C. Randolph says:


  6. Zeb says:

    Bow before me peasants!!!!

    Oh, wait, I’m only fifth…nevermind.

  7. Ahnyer Keester says:

    7-thith? Excellent. School work keeping me up and I get a big 7

  8. Sparky says:

    I admit, I feel the urge to buy Apple hardware too. Even though next year there’s going to be something cooler. It happens to the best of us.

    evetS just typed her password in the comment field above! 🙂


  9. Ace Deuce says:


    I’ve been in that store, and Jim Greenfield is always hanging around heckling people who buy current technology. Ask him what Mac he has, and you’ll find out he has none! That’s right, he goes over to the Kinko’s on Morrison and pays 20 cents per minute so that he’s not “locked in to obsolescence.”

    When I bought my iSight there, he said “Dude, wait a couple weeks! They’re gonna build those right into the bezels!” What a doofus. I think he works for Dell.

  10. SenatorK says:

    Fooey. I already own a 3.8GHZ Dual Core P4 Powerbook.

    Ok, fine, it’s a Dell with the word “Powerbook” written on it with crayons.

  11. Jay says:

    I know that Wilborne dude. He is crazy! stays up all night playing Myth II. Crazy guy.

  12. Tim says:

    You guys are so funny.

    haha at Wilborne, “What are you stupid?”

    That’s the only time anyone will say that about buying a mac.

  13. Jesper says:


  14. Ahnyer Keester says:


    No she doesn’t she’s pretty cool. Cusses like a sailor, but she’s pretty cool.

  15. Jeremiah says:

    I was at one of the other Apple stores in Oregon and the guy behind the desk told me he had a robot named johny 5 at his house that killed people. He also said he made it out of egg cartons, but those things can kill… with empty cholesterol.

  16. iBode says:

    “PowerBooks with the ability to command the forces of time, space and dimension”

    Wahoo! It’s been confirmed by an Apple employee! The rumors were true!


  17. A $50 dollar powerbook with 16 GB of ram and 400 terabytes of hard drive space would be nice.

    So would the ability to control time and space.

  18. Why would I want whatever PowerBook that is to be released at MWSF 06 when I have my $100 iBook I got from Henrico County?

  19. fofo says:

    As a devout pantstheist I know all about the forces of time, space, and dimension–especially those last two–and thus I am terribly aware of the ramifications of the ability of PowerBooks to control said forces. I, for one, welcome our new PowerBook overlords.

  20. Bow to your new lords, the Powerbooks!

    Tremble all you of Microsoft.

    Step forth and be rewarded, Mac users.

  21. I’m trembling, but that’s because Steve “Bonzo” Balmer is running down the hallway and it’s shaking the whole building. Seriously, I’ve never seen a gorilla sweat this much.

  22. Anonymous says:

    I have

    *stares vacantly at a wall as if recalling an experience of untold horror*

    oh yes, I have

  23. Man in the Black Coat says:

    Any controlling or warping of time and space will be closely monitored by our agency,and thus, would not be a good idea. I mean, c’mon, we’re busy enough as it is with this suppoesed “alien” stuff.