14 Dec 05Apple Faces New Class Action Law Suit.


Apple learned today that it is the subject of yet another iPod-related class action law suit. This time the company’s customers are suing for whiplash.

According to a suit filed today, customers are seeking compensation for physical pain and suffering incurred when their iPods abruptly switch genres.

“I was listening to my iPod,” said class member Ken Waldmann, wincing and adjusting his neck brace. “I remember that Pachelbel’s Canon was playing. So soft and calm… so beautiful…

“But… then it ended and…”

Waldmann paused, composing himself.

Whoot, There It Is by 95 South came on.”

Waldmann stifled a sob.

“It was horrible! I mean, I like that song… Where the booty at!? Heh-heh… But the transition was horrible. Just horrible.”

So horrible that Waldmann’s head snapped back suddenly, causing severe trauma to his vertebrae.

“I believe we will be able to show conclusively that the Apple iPod – and iTunes – are defective products that can cut short a lifetime of head bobbing,” said Scott Shipe, lead attorney for the class.

Shipe said the suit was seeking $200 million in damages, $400 million in emotional suffering and, oddly, a free video iPod for every member of the class.

“These Apple customers…” Shipe said, shaking his head. “Passive aggressive. Passive aggressive.”

24 Responses to “Apple Faces New Class Action Law Suit.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Second yet?

  2. Ace Deuce says:

    Frothing at the mouth for fourth or fifth

  3. Huh? says:

    Whiplash

    Whip lash

    Whip. Lash.

    I’m trying… I don’t get it.

    I’ll go ask my pants for an explaination.

    moo

  4. Ace Deuce says:

    I once got whiplash by listening to two Frank Zappa tunes in succession: “G-Spot Tornado” and “Who Are the Brain Police?”

  5. Wysz says:

    The first time I read this article, it said:

    SQL/DB Error — [

    Error establishing a database connection!

    Are you sure you have the correct user/password?

    Are you sure that you have typed the correct hostname?

    Are you sure that the database server is running?

    ]

    SQL/DB Error — [

    Error selecting database mtdb!

    Are you sure it exists?

    Are you sure there is a valid database connection?

    ]

    SQL/DB Error — []

    Error executing error template.

    I thought it was pretty funny.

  6. Disgusted Col Retd says:

    Mr. Moltz Sir,

    If only we had had a man of your elegant wit, inventiveness and overall outstanding intelligence, in a veritable polymath back in ’73 on the Frontier, America as well as the other lesser Countries would still be in the Empire.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  7. Anonymous says:

    Number 9… Numer 9… Number 9…

  8. one man and his mac says:

    So this is tenth. Now do I go for it or not? Hmm..

  9. one man and his mac says:

    Well, I gave you all a chance.

    Eleventh is MINE!

    And you know what, I think I’m on the side of the people this time. I mean, one’s life is simply not worth living if you can’t spend a large amount of head-bobbing.

    Bob-bob. Bob-bob-bob. Oh yeah. Bob-bob.

  10. greenacres says:

    Now that was funny. I think I can expand the lawsuit to blame Apple for all of my car accidents when the Ipod switches genres. I’m driving aggressively while listening to some old Led Zeppelin tune when BAM! it switches to the Adagio in G minor or worse, one of my daughter’s (she’s 4) Disney tunes like Cinderella’s ‘So This is Love’. People are now running into me as I’ve become a defensive driver all of a sudden. I HAD people tailing me as I bulldozed a path through traffic, but then…

  11. PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

    PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

    PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

    PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

    PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

    PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

    PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE! PASSIVE! AGGRESSIVE!

  12. iPod whiplash is the #1 trouble of our troubled times of trouble. It’s even worse than the War on Pagan Holidays by those uppity X-tians.

    It’s nice to see caring, sympathetic lawyers working to help the common people in making this a better, and less troubled, world, by helping to remove the troubled causes of iPod-related troubling troubles.

    To do otherwise would just be troubling.

    Also, FIFTEENTH!

  13. Sudo Nym says:

    As a devout atheist, I’m always a little surprised at the way I jump whenever the song “Fire,” from the Crazy World of Arthur Brown, comes up.

    I didn’t know I could sue someone for that. What a great country!

  14. Sudo Nym says:

    By the way, I claim 0x11th post.

  15. Fred Phillips says:

    6×10^23

  16. Citizen Of Trantor says:

    To those of you doing the numerical posts: ebola bombs for the lot of you.

    Merry Christmas and God Bless! 🙂

  17. The case will get thrown out since it’s clearly the fault of the user’s playlist which caused the genre-switching to occur in the first place. Without carefully selecting your playlist you’re just playing russian roulette with your ears!!

    Hey, what a coincidence; this year Jesus’ birthday falls right on xmas!

  18. Six point Oh-Two Times Ten-to-the-twenty-third, MOLE!

    Chemistry Cheers! Try them at your next high school football game!

  19. iBode says:

    22.4 L @ STP!

    Yes!

    Me, I get whiplash from the songs themselves, not the transition.

    Add that Apple allows hard rock to be played on iPods to that lawsuit and I’m in.

    Of course, I don’t want them to take that functionality away. I just want some cash.

  20. Break it up, youse mugs. I’ve been known around town as a butter and egg man, see. Look here now, me and me mugs are lookin’ to slip ol’ Johnny “5” Moltz a mickey and really muss the joint up, see. I’ve got a good mind to play some chin music on youse comment grifters! Now look here, I’m redhot, see. My trouble boys and I are running a clip joint known as Microsoft and we’re up to givin’ Apple the ol’ flimflamm.

    [Sorry, I’m tired of talking like a pirate already. I’ll be talking like a 1920’s gangster for the remainder of the year.]

  21. a dead squid says:

    whip it! whip it good! That’s the way uh-hu uh-hu I like it uh-hu uh-hu!