I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Macworld San Francisco 2006 Evento-Expo-Con Adventurama and Hummel Trade Show starts next week!
With that in mind, Crazy Apple Rumors Site offers the following rundown of the rumors out there, so you’ll know in advance what Steve Jobs will reveal on the Moscone Center stage.
Bank On It:
- “Numbers” spreadsheet application for iWork
This has been put off several times but is reportedly finally ready to ship. Numbers, however, isn’t your usual spreadsheet application. Like Pages was to word process, it’s a new look at the spreadsheet paradigm. Consequently, it only features the numbers 1 through 5. But Apple is fairly certain that won’t be a problem for most of its customers who can’t count any higher than that anyway.
- Intel-based Mac minis and iBooks
This is a certainty. Not only will Jobs announce their availability, he will violently throw free units at each audience member, shouting obscenities and gesticulating wildly as if to indicate he is either insane or has a severe chafing problem in the crotch.
- “iWeb”, a new iLife application for designing web pages
Like Numbers, iWeb is an exciting new look at another difficult task – this time web design. It will also suck big time.
- Intel-based iMacs
Several sources have indicated that instead of the Mac mini, the iMac will be the first Mac to receive the Intel processor. However, these sources were also eating baked beans straight from a can with a Bonanza 30th Anniversary commemorative spoon featuring Hop Sing. Hence the “Maybe” status.
- Mac OS X Server Thingy
There may be some Mac OS X Server thingy with, um… some stuff that… can do the things with the… server… stuff… and… uh…
- Intel-based Power Macs and PowerBooks
Most analysts believe that Apple’s “pro” line will be the last to migrate to Intel, but some sources keep screaming “PRO! PRO!” like deranged loons so we have to mention the possibility.
- Intel-based iPod socks
Perhaps this should go up into “Maybe.”
- Tablet device
Man, if I hear one more rumor-boy go on and on about some hot tablet device that’s gonna change how you compute because god knows we really want to write everything because it’s so fast and all and…
- Hot lesbian action with Jessica Alba and Jennifer fricking Connelly
I mean, really, there’s no way Steve Jobs could or would announce this. It’s not even something Apple could arrange.
I mean… could they?
Best. Macworld. Ever.