06 Jan 06Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.


Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.


Q: I read yesterday that Microsoft is announcing a new music service and I’m a little concerned.
A: Big whoop.
Q: Well, yeah, but it’s a music rental model, like Napster.
A: Total big whoop. Music rental models chew chunks. Who cares about one more company that doesn’t get it and thinks people want to keep paying for their music forever?
Q: Well, that’s certainly true. But my concern is that as all these second-rate music rental services keep cropping up, they’ll create some steam. Crappy steam, but steam.
A: So, your fear is that five or six companies implementing a crappy business model isn’t enough to sway people from using the one good one but, say, twenty companies implementing a crappy business model just might be.
Q: That’s right.
A: Well, I don’t think that’s really a problem. I mean, what usually happens is that the one good one is the one that survives and ends up owning the market.
Q: …
A: Um… well…
Q: You’re joking, right?
A: Well, I… I…
Q: …
A: Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it couldn’t, you know.


Q: HELLO, FRIEND!
A: Oh, no…
Q: DO U WORRY ABOUT P-NUS SIZE WITH HER?
A: Do we have go through this again?
Q: THIS STOCK IS SURE 2 FLY ON MONDAY!
A: Stop it. Bob… just stop it.
Q: Look, this is a perfectly acceptable profession. Just because you don’t like mass email marketing does not mean that you have the right to question how I make a living.
A: Bob, you don’t send out spam emails. You just call me every few days and rattle off this crap. You’ve been unemployed for 18 months.
Q: And, and, consequently I have a lot of time on my hands.
A: Bob, you need to move out of your parents’ basement.
Q: But I have a mini fridge and everything…


Q: Is there going to be any sexual innuendo in this Help Desk?
A: What?
Q: Well, I’ve read the previous two questions and I’m starting to think there isn’t going to be any sexual innuendo.
A: There isn’t sexual innuendo every week you know.
Q: I know. The weeks it sucks it doesn’t have sexual innuendo.
A: Look, not everything is about sexual innuendo.
Q: No. No. You’re right about that. Everything is about sex but I don’t suspect you’re actually ever going to have people humping on the Help Desk I will just have to take what I can get!
A: Well, you’ve taken up the last question so unless you’re going to provide the sexual innuendo yourself, I think you’re out of luck.
Q: No! No! That’s no good!
A: Why?
Q: I’m… I’m just not sexy!
A: I’d imagine you’re not very good at making innuendo, either.
Q: I’m not!
A: Well… maybe next week.
Q: Pff. I’ve got a closet full of your promises!
A: No, you don’t.

No Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. EMan says:

    ah… mm… umm… nevermind

  2. Huh? says:

    My pants are FULL of sexual innuendo.

    Not much else, though….

    moo

  3. caveman says:

    Hello friends! I work for the Bank of Nigeria, and we have a dormant account belonging to Manfred Becker with the amount of $18.5mllion. If you come forward as next of kin, I will give you 50%. Just post your bank account info in the comments.

    Respectfully yours,

    Mr Moses Odiaka

  4. Nxxx says:

    Wow! How about a hire sexy music and innuendo service?

    Nah, think I’ll go back to bed. Goodnight.

  5. fatbo says:

    fifth. bitches.

  6. JAV says:

    Is 6th the best I can hope for?

  7. Mr. Nice Guy says:

    7th?

    Hmph. Well… I guess I’ll just have to kill someone else!

    …and will you forget the sexual inuendos! Do you get paid for them? I bloody well don’t think so!

    At least not on Fridays.

  8. androgen says:

    my sexual innuendo burns when I urinate.

  9. madogdidit says:

    9th!

    Long time out of the 11 chosen but I’m back

  10. greenacres says:

    Me, too! How about a service that allows you to choose which Nigerian banker you want to deal with to get all that money?

  11. greenacres says:

    Hey, wait this is the 11th spot! It pays to be woken up by operations with a stupid Oracle problem…

  12. scared monster says:

    Oh! Been times since I was in the first tewntiesÂ…

  13. scared monster says:

    I surely didn’t say that.

    Tewnties doesn’t mean anything to me.

    I must have been possessed.

  14. How’s THIS for sexual inuendo?

    S Africa spinner Botha reported

    Botha was making his Test debut in Sydney

    South Africa off-spinner Johan Botha has been reported for throwing during the third Test against Australia.

    Umpires Billy Bowden and Aleem Dar, the TV umpire and match referee Chris Broad all collaborated in the report.

    Broad said: “Concerns were raised by over the general legality of his bowling action and in particular his ‘doosra’ and quicker deliveries.”

    Botha can continue playing for South Africa but faces possible suspension if analysis confirms an illegal action.

    The doosra, a delivery made famous by Sri Lankan star Muttiah Muralitharan, is a delivery that turns in the opposite direction to the conventional off-break.

    Broad said the International Cricket Council would commission an immediate biomechanical report into Botha’s action.

    If Botha is found guilty and suspended, he would have to be re-assessed before bowling again in international cricket.

    The 23-year-old made his Test debut in the match, taking a wicket in each innings in his side’s eight-wicket defeat.

    Captain Graeme Smith was questioned about Botha’s unusual action at the post-match media conference but said he could see nothing wrong with it.

    Botha will remain in the squad for thre one-day VB Series, with left-arm spinner Nicky Boje heading home.

    Jacques Kallis passed tests on his elbow injury and will stay on at the expense of batsman AB de Villiers.

    The South African team were fined by match referee Broad for a slow over rate on the final day of the Sydney Test, with the players fined 5% of their match fees and Smith 10%.

  15. iBode says:

    It’s back!

    Flee for your lives!

  16. Will Feldhusen says:

    A mini fridge? I’d better start walking.

    Lovely spam.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Sexual innuendo?

    Try Penthouse forum, pal.

    Which does have something in common with these comments though.

    Those comments are made up by the editors, too.

    Dr_Erick

  18. CTHULHU says:

    I AM NOT SEXY EITHER! I WORK AT THAT!! IT MAKES MY JOB SO MUCH EASIER!!!

    TO RECAP: I AM NOT SEXY, BUT I AM JUST DRIPPING WITH UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!!!!! I NEED NOT THESE INNUENDO GAMES PLAYED BY YOU PUNY MORTALS!!!!!!!

  19. Sudo Nym says:

    Love runs out the door when sex flies innuendo.

    Or so I’ve heard.

  20. First says:

    First….

    damn late again…its the @#$% floppy…. really……

  21. UhhhDude says:

    Plenty of innuendo over at Paul Thurott’s page. It seems he just bought his wife an Mac mini.

    The innuendo is that his wife, being not as tech-savvy as he, needed a simple-to-operate machine.

    Because he’s too busy updating the registry and downloading anti-virus updates on his own PC to help his poor, non-tech-savvy wife.

    No, it’s not sexual innuendo. But it is kinda funny.

  22. Abe Lincolnlogski says:

    Need help writing your sexual innuendo?

    How about a nice sexual innuendo kit!

    http://www.magneticpoetry.com/detail.asp?PRODUCT_ID=3069

  23. J. Random Slaker says:

    There was a lot of sexual innuendo in the first two callers, y’all are just too dense to get it.

  24. CheapTeeth says:

    Never have I ever, what? That’s old? Oh boy.

  25. Well, callers 2 and 3 were all about sexual innuendo in the Help Desk!

    I don’t like the Innuendo, I perfer the Playstation Portable.

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