09 Jan 06AAAAH!!! IT'S MACWORLD EVE!!!


OMFG, I am so excited! I am so getting myself an Intel-based iBook and a black shuffle and a copy of iWeb and an Apple plasma TV and a home entertainment Mac mini… and… and… and…

OMFG, I am so excited!!!

All rumor signs – including the Magic 8 Ball, the Ouija Board and the mysterious Oracle of the Seventh Seal which will only respond to sacrifices of human blood (we’ve been saving ours up all year!) – point to BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS tomorrow. We’re talking Steve Jobs ripping his mask off and revealing himself to be Tentaculous and killing a bunch of people kind of big.

What?

Tentaculous.

Rhymes with “spectaculous.”

Giant octopus creature at the center of the galaxy bent on the destruction of Apple and, oh, by the way, Earth?

Don’t you people read the papers?

Well, anyway, that was just an example. He could also release a pack of vicious hell-hounds that cuts a bloody swath through the Moscone center mowing down Mac developers in a senseless bloodlust while searching for the one true heir to the throne of Zanzibar.

That’s equally possible. Whatever the case, the rumor mill indicates a lot of people are gonna get eviscerated tomorrow in the Moscone center.

And, yet, I’m still as giddy as a school girl with a pair of new Mary Janes! Ha-ha! It’s crazy! We all could die tomorrow and I can’t wait!

Damn you to hell, Steve Jobs!

To adequately cover the running and the screaming and the “OH, DEAR GOD, THE HORRIBLE MONKEY BEASTS ARE RIPPING THE FLESH FROM MY BONES!”, Crazy Apple Rumors Site will be LIVE BLOGGING Steve Jobs’ keynote tomorrow morning! That’s right! And judging by the rash of database connection problems we’ve had since Masako had to switch all the pages over to PHP , it’s quite possible our little house of cards could come crashing to the ground, prompting a Jack Miller-sized hiatus to switch to a new server and better technology.

Yes, think of it…

This could be the Macworld that took down Crazy Apple Rumors!

Well, yeah, OK, that’s not saying much since we got rolled by some Girl Scouts once…

But they were all hopped up on a Thin Mint-induced sugar high so that’s not really a fair benchmark.

Whatever tomorrow brings, we’ll be there, bitches. But if you hit refresh and all you see is a smoldering crater where this site used to be, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Oh, and if you’re going to be in the Moscone Center tomorrow morning, be prepared to run like hell when the fangs and tentacles start to fly.

Seriously.

No Responses to “AAAAH!!! IT'S MACWORLD EVE!!!”

  1. New guy says:

    Don’t tell me I got first post….?

  2. other new guy says:

    second!

  3. Ragle says:

    Wow, first time out of the gates and I got second. Pretty cool.

  4. Huh? says:

    I thought I smelled fresh php…

    Hmmm…

    BTW- I, and my pants, will be at Macworld.

    moo

  5. Ragle says:

    D’oh. Damn refresh button must have been acting up again.

  6. itsmeee says:

    I’m so hiding in my cupboard! Thank god for my airport, so I can watch the news live on my ibook (and when everyone is dead steal an intel ibook)!

  7. Tent-verage says:

    Tentaculous – Like a tent but more … you know.

  8. caveman says:

    Great, thanks a lot. This article scared me. Now I’m probably going to have nightmares. At least I’ll have my life-sized, stuffed Steve Jobs plush-toy to comfort me.

  9. OMGWTFBBQ! says:

    LIVE BLOGGING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

    ARE YOU FRICKING SERIOUS?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

    OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I CANT SLEEP FOR JOBS’ SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Just a dude says:

    Sources close to Tentaculous have stated it (Tentaculous) will not be appearing tomorrow at the Moscone center due to a previously scheduled dental appointment.

  11. jinzo012 says:

    Anyone remembah me?

    NINTH!!!!!

  12. Marshall says:

    If a new server technology is going to be used, I’d recommend Rails. rubyonrails.org

  13. Carl says:

    if this is 11, then i’m tentaculous.

  14. Zeb says:

    I love the smell of php in the morning…smells like…like…

    HORRIBLE MONKEY BEASTS ARE RIPPING THE FLESH FROM MY BONES!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    Fourteen thank you very much.

  15. Nxxx says:

    Ah, come on John, Stewve doesn’t even eat corned beef.

    Or maybe the ‘just one more thing’ is that he does.

  16. Will Feldhusen says:

    Tentaculous is back?

    AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!

    Help!

  17. Switcher says:

    This Tentacle-thing…

    Is it a space cousin of Cthulhu of some sort ?

  18. Admiral James T. Kirk says:

    Moltz! Jol yi choo!

    Or something.

  19. Slowpoke says:

    Intel powered mighty mouse.

    pleease please please pleasepleaseplease!!!!!

  20. Del says:

    “Jack Miller-sized hiatus”

    I think that is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time, but seriously you better not. I’ve got iFlames and I’m not afraid to use them.

  21. Del says:

    Hot News from Apple

    “The Chrysler Group will provide full iPod integration as an option in most of its 2006 Chrysler, Jeep and Dodge models, offering seamless iPod integration beginning this spring. Drivers can listen to their iPod through the car’s audio system, select their music by artist, album or playlist with radio or steering wheel controls and view selections on the radio’s display.”

  22. Does Does the Tentaculous thing mean the CARS staff will be off to MWSF06 to do battle with Steve Jobs?

    Will Steve Jobs mention Cricket in his keynote?

    Will I find a URL for the keynote (two hours out and haven’t seen one yet and no mention on Apple’s site)?

    Even if I find a URL will I get on?

    Inquiring minds want to know!

  23. Eug Wanker says:

    “We’re talking Steve Jobs ripping his mask off and revealing himself to be Tentaculous and killing a bunch of people kind of big.”

    Given the strange rumours we’ve heard up to now from elsewhere, I’d say your rumour has as much chance of coming true as any.

  24. Girl Scouts? I heard is was a goat with a serial connection that broke in and changed the front page to Crazy Goat Rumors Site *with* a .gif of a goat doing the goatse position!

    That’s what I heard.

    I did.

    Did so.

    😛