A report filed with the SEC earlier today revealed a number of strange details concerning Disney’s acquisition of Pixar last month.
As was previously reported, Disney will – at the request of Steve Jobs – kill “Toy Story 3”, which the company had been developing separately from Pixar.
But the conditions on the deal didn’t end there. Other actions were requested by Jobs in order to make Disney a more efficient company and enhance his investment.
For example, Grumpy will receive a handsome severance package and early retirement, as Sleepy has already proven capable of being grumpy and sleepy due to his constant state of fatigue.
Other requests are more bizarre.
Perhaps most unusual, one line item simply states that Steve Jobs gets to “nail” Snow White.
For her part, Snow White was unfazed by the news.
“I’ve been in the business a long time,” White said, taking a drag off a cigarette. “I know how the game is played. If Jobs wants to nail Snow White or Cinderella or even Ariel, they’ll make it happen.”
Shrugging, she added, “My number came up.”
White stamped out her cigarette and sighed “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ‘entertain’ some Japanese businessmen.”
While Jobs exacted his pound of flesh from the Mouse, Disney also made sure it got what it wanted.
While Pixar and Apple have no financial connection other than Jobs, Disney for some reason demanded that Apple Chief Financial Officer Peter Oppenheimer must play Goofy on a Disney Cruise once a quarter, due to a staffing shortage.
It also asked that Apple replace its aging reel-to-reel system in the “It’s A Small World” ride with 1000 iPods playing “IT’S A SMALL WORLD AF-TER ALL! IT’S A SMALL WORLD AF-TER ALL! IT’S A SMALL WORLD AF-TER ALL! IT’S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!” on repeat.
Finally, Jobs must travel to the hidden bunker where Walt Disney’s brain is kept alive in a vat with the brains of Howard Hughes and Ray Kroc and battle CEOs captured from other solar systems while the brains wager quatloos on the outcome.
Jobs, Apple, Pixar, Disney and the estates of Hughes and Kroc declined to comment for this story.