01 Feb 06SEC Filing Reveals Strange Details of Pixar/Disney Deal.


A report filed with the SEC earlier today revealed a number of strange details concerning Disney’s acquisition of Pixar last month.

As was previously reported, Disney will – at the request of Steve Jobs – kill “Toy Story 3”, which the company had been developing separately from Pixar.

But the conditions on the deal didn’t end there. Other actions were requested by Jobs in order to make Disney a more efficient company and enhance his investment.

For example, Grumpy will receive a handsome severance package and early retirement, as Sleepy has already proven capable of being grumpy and sleepy due to his constant state of fatigue.

Other requests are more bizarre.

Perhaps most unusual, one line item simply states that Steve Jobs gets to “nail” Snow White.

For her part, Snow White was unfazed by the news.

“I’ve been in the business a long time,” White said, taking a drag off a cigarette. “I know how the game is played. If Jobs wants to nail Snow White or Cinderella or even Ariel, they’ll make it happen.”

Shrugging, she added, “My number came up.”

White stamped out her cigarette and sighed “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ‘entertain’ some Japanese businessmen.”

While Jobs exacted his pound of flesh from the Mouse, Disney also made sure it got what it wanted.

While Pixar and Apple have no financial connection other than Jobs, Disney for some reason demanded that Apple Chief Financial Officer Peter Oppenheimer must play Goofy on a Disney Cruise once a quarter, due to a staffing shortage.

It also asked that Apple replace its aging reel-to-reel system in the “It’s A Small World” ride with 1000 iPods playing “IT’S A SMALL WORLD AF-TER ALL! IT’S A SMALL WORLD AF-TER ALL! IT’S A SMALL WORLD AF-TER ALL! IT’S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!” on repeat.

Finally, Jobs must travel to the hidden bunker where Walt Disney’s brain is kept alive in a vat with the brains of Howard Hughes and Ray Kroc and battle CEOs captured from other solar systems while the brains wager quatloos on the outcome.

Jobs, Apple, Pixar, Disney and the estates of Hughes and Kroc declined to comment for this story.

No Responses to “SEC Filing Reveals Strange Details of Pixar/Disney Deal.”

  1. nobody says:

    Snow White as a hooker? That makes my funny parts all tingly.

  2. fatbo says:

    fifth. always frickin’ fifth.

  3. UhhhDude says:

    Sixth. SMALL WORLD!

  4. Yeah, Seventh, Baby!

    I wager 500 quatloos on Steve Jobs.

    Dah dah daaah daaah daah dah dah-dah dah daaaaah

  5. mnkr says:

    SIEBEN!

  6. Bandar the Invinsible says:

    Wow, first early Post. And I’d eat those quatloons for real money. Any takers?

  7. Steve Jobs says:

    Crazy Apple Rumors Patrons,

    Dude, I just frickin’ nailed Snow White!

    I was just like, dude, Snow, baby, we’re doin’ this tonight, and she’s like, yeah, you bet we are!

    Dude! It was so frickin’ hot!

    And I’d wager the quatloos on Tentaculous.

    Yeah, he’s CEO of a condom company in the center of the universe.

    Condoms sting when slapped against bald heads.

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    I can’t wait to read Grumpy’s tell-all memoir.

  9. 2000guitars says:

    are you sure it was “nail”, and not “screw”?

    let’s get our hardware straight here…

    lol

  10. Nxxx says:

    So THAT version of the fairy tale my parents told me WAS right.

  11. Evil Boy's Choir says:

    IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

    IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

    IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

    IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

    IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

    IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

    IT’S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!

  12. gordo says:

    whoo! 15th poooosst

    bitches

    woke up early and DID not read it

  13. Cinderella says:

    Yeah, I nailed Snow White too.

    AND I have the video.

  14. Brent says:

    Huzzah! Someone else has actually seen and remembers Star Trek: The Original Series.

    I mean, other than annoying geeks.

    I mean…

    …I’ll be quiet now.

  15. Crow says:

    Nothing says “good morning” quite like reading about living brains in vats.

  16. blank says:

    Just remember that in a thousand years they’ll be living lives “of quiet dignity.”

  17. Huh? says:

    Doin’ the wild thing with a toon…

    That’s just soooo wrong.

    But…

    Um…

    Well, given the choice… I’d have to choose Ariel or Belle.

    (pants comment)

    moo

  18. Anonymous says:

    Love the Star Trek reference.

  19. Roger says:

    Let’s not forget Jessica Rabbit. She makes Snow White just look fair.

  20. You… don’t have to be… an annoying… geek… to remember… Original Star… Trek!

    (geek, yes, annoying, not necessarily — you could just be a quiet loner, and they only get annoying towards the end)

  21. It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.

  22. That IS just wrong.

    On so many levels.

  23. Anonymous says:

    excellent. bonus points for the I Worship His Majesty’s Shadow reference.

  24. The Invisible Evil Boys Choir ROCKS!!!

    I call first post, you can’t just say “1st” by itself, can you?

    cat /etc/vfstab | awk ‘{ print $2 }’ | grep ^/dev

    Whoops, wrong paste buffer, nevermind all that… look over there =====>

    Okay, quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos quatloos!!!!!!

    What about Scarecrow’s brain?

    I don’t know what that means, I just watch too much MST3K…

  25. Random Chicken says:

    You guys can watch the SuperBowl, I’m gonna watch the spacey CEO wars!

    Stay awesome peeps.

  26. iBode says:

    Ariel’s hotter.