Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I just got back from the Apple Store where I picked up a brand new MacBook Pro. I was really jazzed because I had heard that they were shipping with faster processors than planned. But when I got it home, I was really disappointed. Mine, at least, doesn’t have a faster processor.
Q: No. As a matter of fact, mine didn’t come with a processor at all.
A: Really? Well… what’s where the processor should be?
Q: Wait. Let me look. Um… looks like ham.
Q: Ham. I mean… good ham… Black Forest… smoked… but… still… ham.
A: Does it… run?
Q: Um… no.
A: Oh. You should probably take it back, then.
Q: Aw, shoot. Really?
A: Well, yeah. Why not?
Q: It’s just… it’s just that… it came with all this really good rye bread…
Q: Oh, man!
A: What? What?
Q: Oh, man, that is bullshit!
A: What is? What is it?
Q: I just heard that I bought the 999,999,999th song on the iTunes Music Store! And do you know what I got? Do you know what I got?!
A: Um… a grim sense of irony?
Q: Wha…? No! No! I got nothing! Nothing!
A: Well, how do you know it was you? I mean, how could you possibly know that?
Q: They sent me an email!
A: Oh. Oh. That’s just rude.
Q: Yeah! And it’s… got all these little… emoticons…
Q: Little… tongue sticking out…
A: You know… does Apple ever… I dunno… strike you as a little strange?
Q: Hey, where can I get me one of those hamMacs? I’m starving.
A: Well, I think that one was probably a fluke. But I know where you can get an iMac with advanced Jell-O technology.
Q: Pff. Jell-O?! That’s not going to fill me up.
A: OK. OK. Well… how about pudding?
Q: Pudding?! Wow! There’s a pudding-based Mac?
A: No. I just have some pudding singles.
Q: Oh. Uh… sure.