23 Feb 06Apple Developers Not Taking Trojan Seriously.

In a disturbing sign that Apple faces an uphill battle should OS X be attacked by a more malicious virus, sources indicate that OS X developers at the company are not taking the Oompa-Loompa Trojan seriously.

In fact, Apple developers’ main reaction so far has been to laugh almost uncontrollably at the mere mention of the word “Trojan”. The unfortunate choice of the name “Oompa-Loompa” as a descriptor for this Trojan has only exacerbated the situation.

“Ha-ha!” said developer Chad Latham. “Oompa-Loompa Trojan! That is classic! Heh-heh. Little tiny Trojan. Heh-heh-heh.”

Latham and fellow developer Rob Gregory then did that annoying fingertips-only handshake.

No amount of chastising by senior management has corralled Apple’s juvenile developers.

“Look, I know that the name of this particular kind of malicious application is the same as a condom brand name,” Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian said.

“Wait… what’s a kind of condom?” a snickering Gregory asked.

“Uh… a Trojan,” Tevanian said.

Latham and Gregory burst out laughing.

“Ha-ha! Oh, man, you totally got him to say it!” Latham said.

“Ha-ha-ha!” Gregory laughed. “I know!

Later, a frustrated Tevanian sought to enlist CEO Steve Jobs’ assistance.

“I just don’t know what to do with them, Steve,” Tevanian said. “They won’t take this seriously.”

“They won’t take what seriously?” Jobs asked.

“This Trojan.”

“Ha-ha-ha!” Jobs laughed, doubling over. “Oh, man! Ah-ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ahhh, I got you to say it! Ah-heh. Heh-heh.”

Seeing Tevanian’s deadpan reaction, Jobs regained his composure.

“I’m sorry. It’s… um… it’s not funny. Got a problem. With that… that… thing.”

Apple may bring in a high school guidance biology teacher to talk to its developers.

66 Responses to “Apple Developers Not Taking Trojan Seriously.”

  1. Steve’s pal, here is that article you mention in post #47: http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70072-0.html


  2. Nxxx says:

    GCHQ does not exist. There is no complex in Cheltenham, there is no building in Camberwell, the BBC receiving antennae at World Service are not used and if I had a quid for every time I’ve signed the OSA I’d be a millionaire. Be careful, double Os are on to you.
    Happy Birthday as well Steve.
    Steve who?

  3. Steve's pal says:

    Thanks, Billy (Jeepers Creepers) Gates III

    Last profound remark from me: Gates’ philantropy is ok, yet we shouldn’t confuse it with justice, what we owe to others not in terms of benevolence but of principle.

    Damn. I have to post during the next days to prove I’m not a nerd.

  4. Steve's pal says:

    Yet I have to say this: communism is a lot of things for a lot of people. Marxism is more analytically circumscribed, and it’s definitely not only about economic systems, but plenty of sociology, class, domination, alienation and political theory there too. Communism itself is deemed to be and end-state of societal evolution, which was supposed to be reached after spending some time in socialism, but noone actually got there. Somewhere on the road shit happened. In trying to get there sooner, Gulags and other things were set up. So in a way, communism may be the coolest thing, we never got close enough to test it. As far as I am concerned, I am fine with a world in which ipods and ibooks exist. Happy birthday to stevo

  5. Huh? says:

    This has been a rather interesting string of comments. I almost had to think about some of them.


    I let my pants do all the thinking anyway…

    It’s easier that way.


  6. g0rdo says:

    56th this is the worst ive ever done


  7. XPMaster says:

    John Moltz said: “Tim, you’re not banned, you’re just moderated.”


    Anyway, I’m not too suprised there isn’t software flying off the shelves, as this is a minor virus, and you need to literally cooperate with the virus to get it to infect you, as you need to actually execute it and give it your admin pass in order for it to activate and corrupt all of your files, and I don’t know anybody who would be that stupid.

  8. I might be!

    Hey, a shiny button! I’m gonna click it…


    D: Drive Formatting…

    whoops. 🙁

  9. me says:

    are you an idiot or just stupid?

  10. t1m m@ says:

    great to be an inspiration people!!

  11. Nxxx says:

    Isn’t the aim of Anarchy the same as Communism? An educated population who do not need governing or policing. Now I see why the politicos are so anti.
    Answer to me, yes on both counts.

  12. Tom says:

    As we all know from a certain advert… A totalitarian state would only have IBM, and no hammer wielding red shorted women (that’s us).

  13. Walking Contradiction says:


    Oh god, that was a good laugh. Trojan.


    Stop it, you’re killing me here …

    Sorry folks, but I don’t like to work this hard. If I want one of those (hehehe), I’ll just run Windoze thanks.

  14. MR. Slaphappy says:


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  16. tecno says:

    say it load “im commie and proud!!!”

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