Senior Vice President of the iPod division Jon Rubinstein, just two weeks away from his retirement, is still searching for the perfect means to go out in a blaze of glory.
Rubinstein believes that – while he could retire with his dignity in tact – it’d be a hell of a lot more fun to make some waves on his way out.
“And I’ve only got ten more working days to pick just the right thing,” Rubinstein noted. “I want to make this good.”
The man responsible for much of the success of the iPod is reportedly considering sexually harassing a co-worker, showing up to work late and drunk every day and falling asleep in staff meetings and walking around with his fly down asking everyone if they feel a breeze, or just telling off CEO Steve Jobs.
“Man, I’d like to give that guy a piece of my mind,” Rubinstein said, grinding his teeth and shaking his fist. “Stupid black turtleneck… stupid jeans…
“And what’s he gonna do? Fire me?!”
Rubinstein noted that the trunk of his 1998 blue Saturn is already full of office supplies, but he considers that more along the lines of “retirement compensation” than “sticking it to the man.”
“I’m pretty sure they factor this stuff in when you get hired,” Rubinstein said. “I mean, where do you think those sites that sell Apple pens, Apple note pads, Apple folders and other quality Apple office products get their stuff? Ex-Apple employees who drive off with trunkloads of this junk.
“I heard Fred Anderson backed a truck up and drove off with 4,000 binders. That’s what I heard.”
Rubinstein plans to pick and implement his flame-out in the next few days in anticipation of being asked to take the following week off on paid leave.