21 Mar 06New Apple Product Delayed.

Reports are coming in that a tantalizing new Apple product has been delayed over concerns that it is just too super-duper cool.

Sources indicate that the company is concerned that unless it is able to supply at least one – and perhaps two – units to each and every person on the face of the planet, it will face not only lawsuits, but all-out rioting in the streets.

“It’s rare that working for a technology company makes you afraid for global geo-political stability,” said a source in Apple hardware engineering who declined to be identified, “but we really need to ramp up production on this one before release.

“There are about 6.5 billion people in the world right now. And, frankly, we’re a little concerned we’re not going to be able to find capacity. Or components.

“Or cardboard for the boxes they’re gonna come in.”

The source did emphasize that the device was totally cool and mentioned that he has recently taken to sleeping on the floor of his cube just to be near it.

Information on the new device is extremely sketchy at this point, but Crazy Apple Rumors Site was able to confirm that it will be the size of a PSP with the power of a cluster of 150 Power Mac G5s and will allow for input via keyboard, pen, voice or modulated brain waves from adhesive sensors placed on the user’s scalp.

It’s also possible it’ll be nothing like that at all, but be super-freaky wicked in some other way.

But one thing is for certain – it will be shiny and come in an understated cardboard box with a tasteful picture of the product on it.

And, despite its utter coolness, people are certain to complain it’s too expensive no matter how much it costs.

Shortly before they shell out whatever it will cost to buy one.

Or two.

Apple declined to comment for this story officially, but shifted uncomfortably in its seat.

No Responses to “New Apple Product Delayed.”

  1. Booyah says:

    Timothy Ma is victorious

  2. Sayer says:


  3. Aimon says:

    Woohoo…. number two!!!!

  4. fatbo says:



  5. Nxxx says:

    Even the brain dead like me can work it out from the coded language, “super cool’ and ‘sleeping near it’. Good idea guys, but who is going to want two Apple iFridges.

  6. comacnut says:

    Sexbots will take giant boxes. So, yeah, thats a lot of cardboard. Plus like the source mentioned everybody’s going to need at least two, I mean who wouldn’t want to buy a three way.

  7. Huh? says:

    You know, this new uber-secret product sound SOOOOO much like my pants, it’s scary.

    I suddenly feel I might have a somewhat disturbing fixation with my pants.

    I… uh… should probably seek out some therepy…



  8. Steve Balmer says:

    Apple’s just copying us! Everybody knows we invented product delays! I need a stronger antiperspirant!


    Steve (not that steve)

  9. arcsine says:


    Any supposed post after this one is a figment of your imagination.

  10. agingeri says:

    Oh no! Does that mean I didn’t actually post this?


    And I am SOOOO gonna need at least three iFridges. Are there going to be iFridge socks? ‘Cause I’ll need a bunch of those, too.

  11. agingeri says:

    *GASP* CAN IT BE? 11???

  12. Modrak says:

    again 13th 🙁

  13. One man and his mac says:

    With this sort of hype i think it’s obvious. iMac socks. Blatantly.

  14. Jon says:

    You want to know what it is? I’ll tell you what it is. Jon Ive figured out how to design something non-rectangular, is what it is.

  15. Dexter Span says:

    It’s gotta be sexbots in spandex! or maybe a Newton II or maybe a segway. By the way when are we going to start designing our cities around those freaky things. Personally I’d rather design the cities around sexbots in spandex.

  16. Ergo says:

    Clearly apple’s most valuable and sought after product is Steve Jobs. Everyone wants a piece of Uncle Steve! Therefore the new product must be “Jobs Brain in a Box” That’s why the long wait, apple had to perfect the process of cloning nural tissue, build an enclosure that would keep it viable, and design an interface that let’s Steve tell you, “Put down that hamburger!!”

  17. Ace Deuce says:

    The problem with this product (which I’m not supposed to tell you is a one-cubic-inch cube with a single button that when pressed stimulates the pleasure centers of any brains within a three-foot radius), is that once a person starts using it, no useful work or thought is forthcoming ever again.

    If it ever was in the first place. So, in some cases it’s not really a problem.

  18. CHiQ says:

    thank god.
    I came in just now about 2.5hours ago and I got an error msg. I was so freaked I blogged about it.


  19. Possessive its has no apostrophe.

  20. Psyko says:

    1 billion points to Steve Ballmer on this one. His comment made me actually laugh out loud.


  21. g0rdo says:

    22nd dude


  22. Del says:

    Yay Shiny!

  23. iBode says:

    Who’s Shiny?

  24. Ace Deuce says:

    Oscar, for one.