Newton 2100 And eMate 300 Declared "Obsolete"

Shocking news hit the Newton-using community today as Apple quietly announced that the Newton 2100 and the eMate 300 were officially declared “obsolete.” A declaration of obsolete means that Apple has discontinued hardware service with no exceptions and service providers cannot order parts.

Reaction from all 15 Newton users was swift and angry.

“Who’s obsolete, Steve Jobs, you bitch?” asked a visibly agitated Grant Hutchinson. “Your momma, that’s who. It’s… it’s your momma who’s… um… obsolete.

“I’m sorry, I know that doesn’t make any sense. This is just really upsetting.”

More disturbing than those who – like Hutchinson – expressed anger, were those continuing to live in denial.

“Steve said he was going to replace the Newton,” said Adam Tow, sitting in a corner hugging his knees and rocking back and forth while tapping at his Newton 2100 compulsively. “Steve wouldn’t lie to us. He wouldn’t lie to us! Why would he lie to us? He has no reason to lie to us!”

A review of online materials indicates that Jobs has lied to Apple customers no fewer than 3,453 times.

“A Newton replacement is coming!” Tow shouted. “It’s coming! Just wait! You’ll see!”

Apple declined to comment for this story other than to say that Tow is wrong and a Newton replacement is not coming.