23 May 06Apple Announces Deal With Nike, More Coming.

Apple and Nike announced the Nike+iPod Sport Kit today, a system that transmits your exercise stats from your shoes to your iPod for visual readout and tracking.

This is not the first time Apple has teamed up with a clothing vendor and sources indicate Apple is working on other wearable computing alliances.

According to internal documents forwarded to Crazy Apple Rumors Site by those in the know, Apple is teaming up with the following companies:

Pampers – For the lackadaisical parent, the Pampers In-Diaper Alert System tells your iPod when baby is wet, poopy or has chafing of the nimbus. Of course, if your blood alcohol level weren’t the same as the scotch and soda in your hand, you’d probably notice that stuff but, whatever, June Cleaver.

L.L. Bean – Your iPod will instantly recognize those formless sacks of natural materials you attempt to pass off as clothing and begin playing your hippie freak love-in music for you, you god damn commie.

Abercrombie & Fitch – The Poser Package includes a sensor that tells your iPod you’re wearing your way hip A & F garb and your iPod then plays some way cool tunes for you because you’re so awesome and boss!

Frickin’ poser.

Victoria’s Secret – The system includes leather crotchless thong underwear with a push-up bikini top and lace camisole with garters and fishnet stockings, all linked into the iPod nano to monitor friction and tension of the… the various… straps and… the fullness of the… cups… uhhhhhh…………… I’m sorry, I blacked out. What was I saying?

Look for these at an Apple Store near you later this year.

You frickin’ poser.

No Responses to “Apple Announces Deal With Nike, More Coming.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    1

  2. Chumble Spuz says:

    second-ski

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    iPod Pants!

  4. Carl says:

    Soda Fourthinski.

  5. Bandar the Invinsible says:

    You’re the poser! Can’t even finish a thought when the words “Victoria’s Secret” secret and semi-nude qualities enter your mind. I’m sure the entity would get a good chuckle over how a little chemical your balls naturally produce can overwhelm your whole being.

    Oh, and good call on the making fun of clothing technology. However, all I have to say is, “Go cyborg!” – Stewart Gilligan Griffin

  6. Carl says:

    Needs more iPod socks.

  7. John Moltz says:

    No. No. No.

    No one needs more iPod socks.

  8. Streetrabbit says:

    I don’t care what anyone else says, I’m eleventh.

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Tenth!

  10. Huh? says:

    MMmmmmmmmmm….. Pants™
    …and posers.

    A perfect article John…

    moo

  11. Nxxx says:

    As usual, we Morris dancers are left out. Built in baldric, tatters and ferret bell recognition required to trigger the iPod into playing ‘Trunkles’. But which version, Bledington, Ducklington or Field Town?

  12. leeg says:

    I heard that this clothing tie-in stuff goes all the way back to 1997 when Apple started working with UK-based clothing company Next; any confirmers/deniers?

  13. Mittan says:

    Hey Moltz, I noticed that the AtAT RSS feed when from having nothing, to listing the 3 past articles all of a sudden. Could this be a precurser to the cure of dreaded Jack’s disease?

  14. UhhhDude says:

    Perhaps they can partner with Old Navy and insert a chip into their clothing that causes you to break out in a carefully choreographed dance whenever you find yourself on a beach with other slender, tan, good-looking 20-year-olds wearing Old Navy.

    Of course, if you’re a pasty, overweight 42-year-old, that might be awkward.

  15. NWJR says:

    One word: iThong.

  16. whom says:

    “Of course, if you’re a pasty, overweight 42-year-old, that might be awkward.”

    That describes 90% of the CARS readership…

  17. scared monster says:

    May I say something?
    I’m awkward as I’m under 42.

    10% ruuules!

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    There’s a low rent “Thong Underwear” ad in my right column. Text only. One day I’ll click on it, just not today. I’m not ready for what could be on the other side. I don’t know why but I’m thinking leather and fat men.

    OMG! Ballmer!

    …I clicked, it’s not him.

  19. blank says:

    You were lucky! Careful, you might not be able to dodge that bullet a second time.

  20. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER!
    POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER!
    POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER!
    POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER! POSER!

  21. peter says:

    23rd!!!! wooooooo!!! hooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

  22. Jonathan says:

    Hmmm… Maybe that’s why there always seems to be a Victoria’s Secret nearby an Apple Store!

  23. nikelist1 says:

    Do you like NBA,do you want to have a pair of shoes look like the stars.Choose our products, you can achieve your dream.
    http://www.nikelist.com
    Email:nikelister@yahoo.com.cn
    MSN:nikelist@hotmail.com

  24. Урфин says:

    А я посмотрю, Вы как обычно немногословны 😉

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