Apple CEO Steve Jobs is well known for his mercurial nature and his penchant for abusing employees. But this disturbing edition of Inside Apple – funneled to us by key Apple sources – may shock even the most jaded fan.
The transcript is of an incident involving Jobs and an employee who we’ll call just “employee” for reasons that will become clear on this shocking edition of…
[STEVE JOBS’ OFFICE]
[THE EMPLOYEE ENTERS]
EMPLOYEE: Excuse me, Steve? I just need to water the plants in your…
JOBS: Oh, hey, can you give me a hand with something?
EMPLOYEE: Oh. Sure. What is it?
JOBS: Do you ever get one of those little failures in life stuck in your head and it just keeps playing over and over and over?
EMPLOYEE: Oh, yeah, like this one time I was in line at the supermarket and I sneezed and…
JOBS: Hey. Hey. Hey! This is not about you.
JOBS: No. See, I’m just a little down since we lost this lawsuit against the rumor sites and…
[JOBS SIGHS HEAVILY]
EMPLOYEE: Yeah. Yeah. I guess that was sort of disappointing for you. You kind of took that personally. How can I help?
JOBS: Yeah. Well, see… it would really help me if…
I could ride you like a pony around my office.
EMPLOYEE: Um… if you could… what?
JOBS: Ride you like a pony.
EMPLOYEE: That’s not… prison lingo, is it?
JOBS: No, no, no. It’s just… you know, you’d get down on all fours and I’d climb on your back and then you’d crawl around. Maybe buck a few times. Oh! And whinny. You’ve got to whinny.
EMPLOYEE: Um… isn’t there some sort of human resources rule against this?
JOBS: Mmm… no. No, I don’t think so. I used to make Andy Hertzfeld do this all the time. It just reminds me of my childhood. Makes me happy.
EMPLOYEE: Uh, well, I dunno…
JOBS: Oh, c’mon. Just for a few minutes. It’ll really make me feel better. I’d consider it a personal favor.
EMPLOYEE: Um… OK.
[THE EMPLOYEE GETS DOWN ON ALL FOURS AND JOBS GETS ON TOP OF HIM.]
EMPLOYEE: You know, on second thought, I’m really not comfortable with…
[JOBS GRABS THE BACK OF THE EMPLOYEE’S SHIRT WITH ONE HAND AND THROWS THE OTHER HAND IN THE AIR AS IF RIDING A MECHANICAL BULL.]
[OR A REAL BULL, I GUESS.]
EMPLOYEE: Oh. Oh, boy.
JOBS: Now, whinny! Whinny!
EMPLOYEE: Uh.. uh… [whinny]
JOBS: No, no! You’re ruining it for me! You call that a whinny?! Whinny like you really mean it!
[SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF WORLDWIDE MARKETING PHIL SCHILLER ENTERS, LOOKING DOWN AT A PIECE OF PAPER IN HIS HAND.]
SCHILLER: Steve, I was just looking at the marketing plan for the tablet device and…
[LOOKS UP FROM MARKETING PLAN FOR TABLET DEVICE]
I’ll come back.
EMPLOYEE: No! Don’t leave me! Call HR!
JOBS: Oh, wait, wait! I forgot the bridle!
Well, I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to look at my Apple products the same way after reading this.
I’m not even sure I’ll be able to look at Jobs at all.