Industry Panel Discusses Dvorak.

As many may have seen over the weekend, Dave Winer managed to tape John C. Dvorak (links via Daring Fireball) revealing his formula for ginning up hits from angry Macintosh users.

In short, Dvorak admitted that he deliberately writes incendiary columns that he doesn’t believe solely to increase traffic, and then backs off or feigns innocence when flamed.

The staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site takes its responsibility as journalists very seriously. Apparently much more seriously than Mr. Dvorak. For this reason, we convened a panel of Apple pundits – Daring Fireball’s John Gruber, Ars Technica’s John Siracusa, and the Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg – to discuss Dvorak’s lack of journalistic integrity.

CRAZY APPLE RUMORS SITE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF JOHN MOLTZ: Gentlemen, thank you for coming all the way to Tacoma for this fifteen minute panel. In the days since the posting of this video, Dvorak has been reviled throughout the Macintosh community once again. He’s been called everything from a douche bag to an ass clown. So… John Dvorak…

Douche bag or ass clown?

John Gruber?

GRUBER: Douche bag.

SIRACUSA: I disagree. The douche bag monicker just implies that he’s a jerk. The ass clown, on the other hand, also lacks integrity. It’s one of the hallmarks of the ass clown.

GRUBER: No. No. No. You’re pigeon-holing “douche bag.”

SIRACUSA: No, I’m not. That’s the standard usage. Check the AP Style Guide. I’m very careful about things like that.

GRUBER: Oooh, excuse me, princess.

SIRACUSA: … What is that supposed to mean?

GRUBER: I don’t know. What do you think it means?

MOLTZ: Hmm. OK, good debate. Walt Mossberg, you’re the only one whose first name is not John and you’ve been quiet throughout this. Coincidence? Which do you think Dvorak is, ass clown or douche bag?

MOSSBERG: This is completely infantile and I won’t be drawn into such a childish debate. I’m here to talk about one thing and one thing only. The only thing that is salient to Dvorak’s legitimacy as a technology pundit: his well-documented addiction to lesbian dwarf porn.

MOLTZ: Lesbian dwarf porn. Indeed. John Siracusa?

SIRACUSA: Well, I…

GRUBER: Can I just say that I was blogging about Dvorak’s lesbian dwarf porn addiction three years ago?

MOLTZ: That’s swell. But, what does this say about PC Magazine that they’ll hire a columnist who’s addicted to lesbian dwarf porn?

SIRACUSA: Wait, doesn’t he write for Windows World?

GRUBER: I thought it was PC User.

MOSSBERG: I know he writes for Lesbian Dwarf Porn Weekly under the pseudonym “Randy Dick.”

SIRACUSA: Well, whatever he writes for, I think it’s one thing to hire someone who’s looked at lesbian dwarf porn and something else to hire someone addicted to lesbian dwarf porn. I mean, we’ve all had that moment we wish we could take back where we’ve followed those links just a little too far and found a loved one engaged in goatse. Am I right?

GRUBER: Um… no.

MOSSBERG: Engaged in what?

MOLTZ: Yes. No. No.

Um…

Define “loved one.”

SIRACUSA: That was hyperbole. Anyway, you know what I mean.

MOLTZ: More of an acquaintance, really.

MOSSBERG: …

GRUBER: …

SIRACUSA: …

MOLTZ: Well, gentlemen, thank you for coming. I think we’ve learned a lot today about the state of technology punditry.

GRUBER: No we haven’t.

MOLTZ: Shh.

38 thoughts on “Industry Panel Discusses Dvorak.”

  3. I call 1st-ish. Because I read the post first and even watched the vid of Dvorak.

    Very nice, Moltz. You brought tears to my eyes.

  10. Well, the Pantsâ„¢ are still on the DL. It could be a VERY drafty week… Good to see you up and at ’em John.

    Best article in a very long time. Bringing up both lebian dwarf porn AND goatse.

    wow.
    I am truly in awe.

    moo

  13. Douche Clown! Ass Bag!

    Finally, lesbian dwarf porn gets some attention! This could fundamentally change all our lives in huge ways!

    I got the lucky post! Read mine, forget all others!

  15. A quarter of an hour!

    Continue the INSANITY!
    It’s FUN!!!

    meow

    Douche Clown… definitely…

  16. Douche Clown, fantastic!

    Me, I almost got 17th. I was SO close! Alas, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.

  20. So did our illustrious panel get to stay at the “Silver Cloud Inn in Tacoma, in the luxurious Crazy Apple Rumors Suite”? Together? Suddenly, the idea of Dvorak and his “interests” suddenly become less interesting….

  21. Wow, I had to google goatse. It’s nice to be able to put a name with a face, er… or something like that.

    Viva la google!

  22. #20 – No, that’s why we only hold 15 minute panels. Get them right back on the Greyhound bus and send ’em back where they came from. Gruber and Mossberg came from the East Coast, so it’ll take them about four days to get home.

  23. uh, goatse.cx, schmoatse.cx, what happened to good old heterose.cx?

    not that there’s anything wrong with that…

    goatse is so 20th century, moltz

  24. I CONSIDER THAT PUNY MORTAL DVORAK COLUMNIST ONE OF THE FINEST TROLLS I’VE EVER CRAFTED! IT’S THE EXTRA DOSE OF UNSPEAKABLE HORROR THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE!! ENJOY!!!

  29. Are douche bag and ass clown mutually exclusive? I’m fairly sure both apply to Dvorak. Also, knob-jockey.

  30. I knew that this 15 minute panel would bite me in the ass bag. My real identity has been revealed. The only thing left is revenge…Okay, Greyhound from Tacoma to the East Coast. Probably connect in Minneapolis. I’ll be waiting for the Johns…wait, that sounds wierd considering the lesbian dwarf porn issue. I’m gonna get those suckas.

  32. OF COURSE, MISTER–OR IS IT MS?–FUCKHEAD IS LIVING PROOF THAT EVEN DEMON-GODS MAKE THE ODD MISTAKE!

    THAT SOON WILL BE REMEDIED!! GLAARKU CAN CLEAN UP THE MESS LATER!!!

  33. Haven’t we done the “Lesbian Dwarf Porn” thing enough already? How about Lesbian Dwarf Prawns? Or Lesbian Dorf Porn? Or Thesbian Dwarf Porn?

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