Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I recently purchased a brand-spanking-new MacBook Pro and, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but these puppies run a little hot. I use this thing on my lap a lot and, frankly, I’m a little concerned about my… my…
A: Your area.
Q: My region.
A: Your stuff.
Q: My junk.
A: Your package.
Q: My lunch meat.
A: Your salad box.
Q: My… wait. What?
A: Uh… your crate of comic books?
A: Um, your bag of take-out?
Q: Well, that’s… close. I guess. I was more thinking of something like “my stack of media.”
A: Ooh, that’s a good one. Can I use that one?
Q: Can we get back to my problem?
A: Oh, yeah. Just get a Podium Pad or something.
Q: That’ll protect my pork larder?
A: Uh… we are talking about your groin, right?
Q: I bought a PowerBook for my home business last year and I was looking to upgrade the RAM.
A: That’s a good idea. You can never have too much RAM.
Q: Yeah. So, I thought about taking it in to the Apple Store, but thought, heck, how hard could it be? So I ordered some RAM online and installed it myself.
A: Excellent! You don’t need some dandy with a troll patch putting his manicured fingers all over your PowerBook!
Q: Uh… yeah. Anyway, while I was in there I noticed that there was a whole bunch of dust bunnies and crumbs and bacon bits and crap. So, I bought some compressed air and I blew it all out…
A: Of course you did!
Q: Uh… yeah!
A: Like men do!
Q: It was just a little compressed air…
A: Which you blew in a most manly fashion!
Q: Well, I’m a guy. I’m not sure I can blow compressed air any other way.
A: Ah-ha-ha! Men!
Q: Uh… yeah. Uh… what?
Q: I don’t really know what’s going on anymore.
Q: I’m an avid scrapbooker and I’ve been looking for applications and peripherals for the Mac that will support my scrapbooking hobby.
A: Oh, I’ve heard of that. You print out pictures and you put them together in a book with borders and keepsakes and stuff.
Q: Yes. Only I specifically scrapbook all the stupid things people around me do.
A: Uh… you…
Q: So, for example, my husband was putting dishes into the dishwasher the other day and he was putting the forks in with the tines up so you’d, like, stab yourself when you went to get them out. I mean, what is he, an idiot?
Q: So, I took a couple of pictures of him and then printed them on my Epson printer and cut them out and put them in some cut-out construction paper in a scrapbook.
A: You… create angry scrapbooks.
Q: Yeah. So, anyway, what I really want is to be able to create my own papers. Like, backgrounds, patterns and stuff.
A: Uh, you know, I gotta say… I don’t think you should be questioning your peripherals. I think you should be questioning why you’re angry scrapbooking.
Q: Oh, you are making me so mad. I am so going to scrapbook the hell out of this.
A: What… what are you doing?
Q: I’m taking your picture. I think with your stupid skin tone a spring color would make a good background. Maybe a green or a yellow.
A: Uh, you don’t find this a strange juxtaposition?
Q: No. Stupid… stupid.