Apple To "Probe" Chinese Labor.

After an outcry against what many say are abusive working conditions in plants making iPods, Apple pledged late last week to institute a China labor probe.

Some, however, are not pleased with this announcement.

“How is that supposed to help?” asked Amnesty International spokesperson and former iPod user Kim Daley. “I mean, haven’t these poor people been through enough without Apple probing them anally?”

Told Apple never said it would actually physically probe the Chinese workers anally, Daley rolled her eyes.

“Well, how else do you think they’re going to probe them?” she asked.

“You’re so naive. I’ve seen these kinds of ‘probes’ before. They’re not pretty.”

Reached for comment, Apple Senior Counsel Mark Aaker categorically denied that the company would be conducting alien-style violations of workers in Chinese plants.

“No, I think maybe we’ll just, you know, do the old ‘turn your head and cough.’ Check the glands. That kind of thing.

“Ha-ha! I’m kidding, of course! We’re looking into the labor practices of our partners, not the behinds of their workers!”

After an uncomfortable pause, Apple then said it wished it had declined to comment for this story.

32 thoughts on “Apple To "Probe" Chinese Labor.”

  1. First the MBPro scorches the front, then they probe the back. New meaning to “getting you coming and going.”

  2. As Micro$oft are reported to be developing a GatesPod, I think I’ll transfer all my funds into a Probe manufacturing company.

  3. Everyone loves a good probing! Albeit, not as much as I like

    EIGHTH! πŸ˜€
    You know, you should all consider yourselves lucky. I don’t know if it’s the drugs, but something mad me want to enclose that statement in BLINK tags. Pray that I don’t wish this upon you good people again :-/

  4. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear? How lowbrow will Apple go? I now wish CARS had declined to report on this story.

  5. In all my travels, I have yet to find a race of alien who performs anal probing on humans.

    It seems humans reserve that for each other.

    FANTASTIC!

  6. I love news sources that use terms like “anal probe”. It warms the cockles of my heart.

    I love using the word “cockles”.

    It’s a good day.

  7. Given Steve’s extraterrestrial origin, this does not surprise me. The fixation with “glands” is the tip-off.

    Although I hear other aliens take the position that the whole kidnap and probe thing is played-out.

  8. The Chinese have been sticking it to us for years – it’s time to return the favor.

    ‘Nuff said.

    πŸ˜‰

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