19 Jun 06Apple To "Probe" Chinese Labor.

After an outcry against what many say are abusive working conditions in plants making iPods, Apple pledged late last week to institute a China labor probe.

Some, however, are not pleased with this announcement.

“How is that supposed to help?” asked Amnesty International spokesperson and former iPod user Kim Daley. “I mean, haven’t these poor people been through enough without Apple probing them anally?”

Told Apple never said it would actually physically probe the Chinese workers anally, Daley rolled her eyes.

“Well, how else do you think they’re going to probe them?” she asked.

“You’re so naive. I’ve seen these kinds of ‘probes’ before. They’re not pretty.”

Reached for comment, Apple Senior Counsel Mark Aaker categorically denied that the company would be conducting alien-style violations of workers in Chinese plants.

“No, I think maybe we’ll just, you know, do the old ‘turn your head and cough.’ Check the glands. That kind of thing.

“Ha-ha! I’m kidding, of course! We’re looking into the labor practices of our partners, not the behinds of their workers!”

After an uncomfortable pause, Apple then said it wished it had declined to comment for this story.

32 Responses to “Apple To "Probe" Chinese Labor.”

  1. Huh? says:

    Probes….
    Hmmm…
    My Pantsβ„’ don’t like the sound of that one. No sir.

    moo

  2. Candy Apple says:

    First (anal) post!

    Trevor

  3. Magnanimous Wang says:

    What? Close to FP?

  4. Darkman says:

    First the MBPro scorches the front, then they probe the back. New meaning to “getting you coming and going.”

  5. weedle says:

    I wish I’d declined to comment for this story too…

  6. Nxxx says:

    As Micro$oft are reported to be developing a GatesPod, I think I’ll transfer all my funds into a Probe manufacturing company.

  7. Buthidae says:

    Everyone loves a good probing! Albeit, not as much as I like

    EIGHTH! πŸ˜€
    You know, you should all consider yourselves lucky. I don’t know if it’s the drugs, but something mad me want to enclose that statement in BLINK tags. Pray that I don’t wish this upon you good people again :-/

  8. iPodless says:

    nine… do I win a prize???

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Liquor in the front, poker in the rear? How lowbrow will Apple go? I now wish CARS had declined to report on this story.

  10. Livealive says:

    I wonder if there gonna use lube…um…DELETE HIT DELETE!!!!AH SHI..

  11. The Doctor says:

    In all my travels, I have yet to find a race of alien who performs anal probing on humans.

    It seems humans reserve that for each other.

    FANTASTIC!

  12. NWJR says:

    I love news sources that use terms like “anal probe”. It warms the cockles of my heart.

    I love using the word “cockles”.

    It’s a good day.

  13. blank says:

    Given Steve’s extraterrestrial origin, this does not surprise me. The fixation with “glands” is the tip-off.

    Although I hear other aliens take the position that the whole kidnap and probe thing is played-out.

  14. A priest, a rabbi, and a My Pants imposter says:

    probes all around!

    oh, and 16ish

  15. Psyko says:

    17th! I WIN!

    MARK

  16. HisSteveness says:

    And who probes the Ponies?

  17. Saikou Yuden says:

    The evil goats, of course.

  18. Drool says:

    are they using Sexbots for Automated Probing? :->

  19. Walking Contradiction says:

    The Chinese have been sticking it to us for years – it’s time to return the favor.

    ‘Nuff said.

    πŸ˜‰

  20. Typo says:

    The goats are doing the automated probing.

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  22. Play Therapy says:

    Thank you, I could not have sead it better my self.

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  27. Adela says:

    Spammers suck a lot

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  29. Daniel says:

    I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding Chinese Labor., but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong πŸ™‚

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