As the investigation in potential stock option irregularities continues, Apple’s current and former senior executives have begun to seek legal counsel.
Former Apple General Counsel Nancy Heinen has lawyered up, hiring representation from the firm Arguedas, Cassman & Headley. AC&H in turn has hired another law firm that specializes in technology industry stock options – Shea, Thurston & Greaves.
In a bizarre turn of events, ST&G then hired Heinen as a “subject matter expert.”
“Hey, wait a minute!” Heinen exclaimed, looking up from her legal pad suddenly, in the middle of taking her own deposition. “This isn’t right!”
CEO Steve Jobs claimed today that none of his options were backdated, but he did admit to changing a B- to a B+ on his high school report card using a fine point El Marko.
“The sad thing was, it was gym,” Jobs said nodding sardonically.
“Mr. Stykowski… did not like me.”
In an effort to protect his assets, former head of the iPod division Jon Rubinstein ate his stock options earlier today.
“They’ll never get them now!” a defiant Rubinstein said, shoving company stock option statements into his mouth.
Rubinstein admitted that he may have trouble “exercising” his options at a later date.
Apple declined to comment officially, but the company has always advocated maintaining a high fiber diet.