17 Aug 06Nothing tonight.

We’re going out.

In the comments, please tell us – in detail – what kind of features you’d have if you were an iPod killer.


Unlimited DRM-free downloads?

Hot lesbian action?

Bring it.

No Responses to “Nothing tonight.”

  1. NWJR says:

    An all-access pass to the cafeteria at the Cupertino campus. I hear they have great salads.

  2. ipodkillerz says:

    If I were an iPod killer, i’d feature a touch screen with full PDA support, Bluetooth AND WiFi (limited range of 30ft for both), the ability to share music to other devices like me, bluetooth headphones standard, a 30GB, 60GB and 100GB hard disk capacity, be about 1″ thick and about the size of a Newton Messagepad….

  3. gjw says:

    “But seriously, I got the Motorola SLVR so I wouldn’t have to carry both a cell phone & an iPod. So, the real iPod killer is a more convergant device. So all the features of a current highend cell phone: browser, IM, email, calendar, address book, games, video & still cam, etc. at least 5 GB of iTunes & the itunes video player.”

    And maybe even the ability to make and receive telephone calls.

    Convergence. Bleah.

  4. Bravado says:

    I would have some sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads!

  5. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Do I have to improvise another help desk or will we be seeing that tonight?

  6. monkeys says:

    An iPod killer should have a hammer and an iPod detector, so it hammers all the iPods it finds in a 50ft radius to death.

    There you go. iPod-killer device.

  7. Anonymous says:


  8. TeVeTurtle says:

    #48 Is onto something, but missing some important features for the world’s best iPod-killer: An Electro-Magnetic Pulse Generator

    It needs proper shielding so it doesn’t kill itself while killing other iPods.

    …and a built-in backup generator for a Bose dock so the owner can blast the world with the last functioning iPod.

  9. Huh? says:

    Hold off channeling the Moltz™ until the last possible moment.
    We don’t want you to hurt yourself.


  10. Paul says:

    A coupon for fried chicken

    Everyone loves fried chicken

  11. MechaJesus says:

    It should have some sort of audio playing capability. Hold on, let me explain. There would be these “files” that could be either taken off some sort of external audio source or a massive network of devices that can “talk” to each other. These “files”, as I call them, would be some how transferred to the device through some sort of cable connection and the user could then listen to these files. Sounds crazy, I know. But perhaps… it… may… just… work…

    Oh, and it needs lasers. Lots and lots of lasers. The information needs to be displayed somehow. What better way than to directly burn the image into one’s retina?

  12. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Thanks Huh? your concern for my mental, spiritual and emotional well-being is greatly appriciated. I often have to sandpaper my soul for hours after channeling Moltz™.

    If we ain’t got a helpdesk by the AM, I’ll break out the Mirror Pond Pale Ale and smack myself in the head with a dog bowl a few times and we’ll see what comes out!

    First, by the way.

  13. jinzo012 says:

    Elton John Discography

  14. Anonymous says:

    The ultimate iPod killer would need to fold up after being a car.. Jetsons style. But then, there might be no more fancy parking. It’s a slippery slope.

  15. Smellypants says:

    My ipod killer would float. For some reason it would have this annoying hum all the time though. Hmm. . .maybe I’ll ahve to redesign this. . .

    But what if Apple was thinking the same thing? I better RUN to the patent office. Gotta Go!

    –Whiffy Mc SMellstoomuch

  16. Paul says:

    Dude, seriously, you’re totally going about this the wrong way. Free fried chicken. That’s the one thing everyone wants iPod doesn’t have.

  17. arch says:

    hi, are you all american? or why the hell don † you see the point in any of this ? chees and gees and all you need, pleeeeees.

  18. arch says:

    in case you didnt get it, i ment that you are dum. dumm or what ever, you knoew i’m not from around. i’d smile, but i’m laughing 🙂

  19. Paul says:

    See? That dude’s grouchy cos he has to pay for his fried chicken.

    Staright up, free fried chicken.

  20. A bon a fide Patriot says:

    I’ve heard of a man from a place called A Las Ka has discovered some kind of marvelous “pipes” through which wonderful things flow. Any device that that can connect to these “pipes” would surely be popular with the young people.

    Maybe the “pipes” can deliver fried chicken!

  21. Toolman says:

    ref: sledgehammers:

    ….or a chainsaw.

    Wih Nike integration (except it would have to be STIHL or Makita or something)- so you get creepy music when you’re…you know..doing the hiding in the basement thing – and then WAP WAP WAP WAP when you get into the human downsizing part

    OOOOO!!! Or an Angle Grinder. Because then that would come with Veronica Z in a bikini and with the sparks and the sweat and the…

  22. LimeyBloke, in an English accent says:

    I’m not from America either but even I like fried chicken. With brown sauce of course.

    The ultimate iPod killer is: My Girlfriends Bottomless Crap-Filled Handbag.

    And I had that Nano engraved for her. Can’t read it throught the scratches now.

    Dim Bint.

  23. Your post is on target. Keep it up.

  24. Free says:

    Come chat with sexy cam girls…

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