30 Aug 06Jobs' Bathroom Conversation Caught On Tape.

Just days after CNN host Kyra Phillips forgot to turn off her microphone and was heard on-the-air in the bathroom, a recording of Apple CEO Steve Jobs in the bathroom at WWDC has surfaced.

Sources on the sound crew at WWDC forwarded to Crazy Apple Rumors Site a recording of a conversation between Jobs and Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller – which apparently took place just after the keynote – in the Moscone Center men’s room.


JOBS: [Whistling what sounds like John Lennon’s Imagine.]

[Sound of the bathroom door opening.]

SCHILLER: Steve!

JOBS: Oh! Hi, Phil.

[The sound of a zipper being opened]

SCHILLER: Good… good keynote!

JOBS: Yeah? You think? I thought it might have been a little… flat.

SCHILLER: Oh, no! No! No. No. Well… no. We killed ’em with the iChat bit.

JOBS: Heh. Yeah. Yeah.

SCHILLER: Heh-heh. Yeaaaaaah.

[A prolonged silence followed by more whistling.]

JOBS: Sooo…

SCHILLER: Sooo…

JOBS: Uh… see that… game… last night?

SCHILLER: Uh, hockey doesn’t start until October.

JOBS: Oh. Isn’t there… baseball or something?

SCHILLER: Nyeah, but the Sox are…

JOBS: The… Sox?

SCHILLER: The Red Sox.

JOBS: Oh. I’ve heard of them. I like that Damon guy.

SCHILLER: Uh… yeah. He’s, um… not… well. Yeah.

[A prolonged silence followed by more whistling.]

SCHILLER: I’m just realizing this but… we’ve never… been in the bathroom at the same time before.

JOBS: No. I guess you’re right.

SCHILLER: How is that possible? We’ve been working together for a long time.

JOBS: Well, I don’t go to the bathroom at Apple.

SCHILLER: You… don’t…

JOBS: No. I find that if I have a full bladder, I work better. I have a bigger sense of urgency in everything I do.

SCHILLER: Oh. Wow. That’s… that’s cool. Sort of twisted zen kind of thing. Maybe I should try…

JOBS: I’m so messing with you.

SCHILLER: Wha… Oh! Ha-ha! Ahhh, you got me!

JOBS: Yeah. I don’t really do that.

[A prolonged silence followed by more whistling.]

SCHILLER: So, what’s the deal with [VP of platform experience Scott] Forstall?

JOBS: The… deal?

SCHILLER: Yeah. Kind of an attitude problem.

JOBS: Oh. I hadn’t noticed.

SCHILLER: Yeah, I was talking about it with Peter.

JOBS: Hmm, well, I haven’t experienced that. I did notice he smells like feet.

SCHILLER: Oh. My. God! What is that?!

JOBS: I’m guessing it’s his feet.

SCHILLER: Oh, man, I hope so!

JOBS: Ha-ha!

SCHILLER: Ha-ha!

[The sound of a bathroom stall opening followed by sharp footsteps.]

FORSTALL: I have a condition!

[Sharp footsteps followed by the sound of the bathroom door opening then closing.]

SCHILLER: Did you see that?

JOBS: I did.

SCHILLER: He didn’t wash his hands.

JOBS: Tsk.

SCHILLER: Tsk. And on top of that, he’s got an attitude problem.

JOBS: Yeah, I heard that. Oh… hey… wait a minute. Is this microphone still on?


You know, I often feel compelled to provide some kind of analysis for these transcripts but I’m just never sure where to go.

No Responses to “Jobs' Bathroom Conversation Caught On Tape.”

  1. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Lol, funny. And first.

  2. comacnut says:

    2

    I bet Steve B. doesn’t wash his hands.

  3. Don says:

    Third – what a great article – I might go and read it now……

  4. Huh? says:

    Didn’t.
    Wash.
    His.
    Hands.

    OH THE HORROR!!!!!!!!

    Hmm… That may have been a bit over the top.
    Sorry.

    moo (quoth the Pants™® nevermore)

  5. Don says:

    He didn’t wash his feet (of Doom) either. He should have used Phil’s toothbrush to get right between those toes.

  6. WOOHOO! Fivers.

    How can a microphone still be one? I always thought they were two!

    /spellingpolice

  7. John Moltz says:

    The extra “e” was for “excitement”!

    Or…

    Something else that starts with “e”.

  8. Don says:

    [spellingpolice]
    I think you mean excrement
    [/spellingpolice]

  9. Stranger says:

    Don’t you mean …?

  10. Stranger says:

    Gaah! What you can’t see is the nice, well formed XML that was supposed to be a text-formatting-police gag.
    Maybe that explains the lack of < … > symbols used.

    Too geeky anyway…

  11. John Moltz says:

    No, not ellipsis.

  12. Stranger says:

    Sorry… have to do this:

    <text-formatting-police>
    Don’t you mean <spellingpolice>…</spellingpolice>?
    </text-formatting-police>

  13. Nxxx says:

    With all these >> and

  14. 2000guitars says:

    Hey, what about the part where he talks about his sister-in-law being a total control FREAK?

    That was amusing.

    Up until now, I thought celebrities never went to the bathroom.

  15. Ace Deuce says:

    Leslie Nielson did it best.

  16. nameless norman says:

    nameless norman doesn’t leave comments

  17. Journamalism®™℠©℗ Guy says:

    This whole thing reeks of doom …and feet. Yes, the feet …and excriment covered toothbrushes from people not washing their hands.

  18. NWJR says:

    You edited out the part where they discussed the size of their PONIES.

  19. UhhhDude says:

    [A prolonged silence followed by more whistling.]

  20. […] Crazy Apple Rumors Site » Blog Archive » Jobs’ Bathroom Conversation Caught On Tape. Published in: Whatever | on August 31st, 2006 | […]

  21. blank says:

    “Never whistle while you’re pissing.”

  22. scared monster says:

    And WHY would he wash his hands if he didn’t pee on them ?
    Some people manage to do IT properly, the clean way, you know.

  23. Del says:

    Cuz even if you don’t get Pee on your hands you are touching a part of your body with extensive Eccrine and Apocrine glands. These produce sweat. The sweat produced by the Apocrine glands tends to have more odor and is more oily than normal sweat. (Think sweaty armpits, or Ballmer all over).

    You really wanna wash that stuff off.

  24. UhhhDude says:

    Maybe that’s why he has that skin condition.

  25. OMGHAX says:

    Looks like he’s not encouraging a cleanly work environment…

  26. Walter says:

    Hello, you have great site!

  27. Saeko says:

    It’s vonderful.
    The Best.
    It’s fine.

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