Blockbuster news that is sure to rock the Macintosh community has been forwarded to Crazy Apple Rumors Site today.
According to sources, Apple will merge with Google as has recently been speculated after the addition of Google’s CEO to Apple’s board.
Further, the resulting hardware and software powerhouse will then merge with Sun, as has recently been speculated.
Then, the company will crush Linux, as has also recently been speculated, by implementing a 3-step plan:
- Seize control of SourceForge and other online repositories of open source code.
- Linus Torvalds wakes up with a penguin head in his bed.
- Bribe existing Linux users to convert to OS X with the promise of getting them dates with actual girls.
Once Linux is destroyed, the company will then expand again by merging with Oracle, as has been speculated will happen since Nostradamus first predicted it in 1557.
But Apple/Google/Sun/Oracle will not stop there.
Now a force beyond all ken, of a magnitude that even the gods themselves – let alone Microsoft – would shake to hear its name, Apple/Google/Sun/Oracle/Science Patrol/International Rescue will, strangely, divest itself of all its primary assets. It will then operate as a holding company that purchases real estate properties on spec in hot markets and sells them at inflated prices before quickly moving on to another town.
Kind of a letdown, isn’t it?