01 Sep 06Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Just one question today, but it’s a big one: What’s up with Security Bitch Watch?

Q: I have a Power Mac G5 with 2 GB of RAM. I recently installed a new memory module and have been experiencing frequent crashing. But instead of talking about that, tell me… what’s the latest on Security Bitch Watch?

A: I was hoping you’d ask that!

Q: I know. You paid me five dollars to ask you.

A: Hush. Talking now.

There’s has been a flurry of activity recently that I’d love to tell you about.

Q: I’ll bet.

A: Still talking.


Thank you.

We’re into day 11 of Security Bitch Watch and George Ou has still failed to deliver on his “couple of days” promise of fireworks. Ou’s most recent update was on Tuesday, which he mis-marked as “10/29/2006”. Now he’s not just defying the rules of responsible journalism, but the Temporal Prime Directive as well.

Will nothing stop this madman?!

Q: Uh…

A: That’s a rhetorical question.

In the update he claimed that his source who said the stock Apple drivers didn’t come from Atheros was what journalists call Schrödinger’s Source: he was both right and wrong at the same time.

Q: Oh, yeah. Didn’t he originally write a post arguing that Atheros had nothing to do with the drivers without actually having talked to Atheros?

A: Right. He postulated that based on information he was hearing from his super-duper top secret source (whose last name probably rhymes with “Raynor”) who turned out to be wrong. Then he wrote a correction in which he postulated that Atheros wasn’t responsible for the part of the drivers that really matters based on… can you guess?

Q: Uh… information he was hearing from his super-duper top secret source?

A: You are correct, sir. He also misrepresented David Maynor as not having “distanced himself” from Brian Krebs’ writing. Krebs wrote that Maynor said he could hack a stock Airport configuration and Maynor’s now only willing to publicly say he used third party hardware and software. If he’s not distancing himself from Krebs, he’s not exactlying spooning him either.

Q: Well, I guess there’s what Maynor is privately saying – you know, to George Ou. He’s probably still trash-talking the MacBook’s stock drivers.

A: Could be. I guess we just have trust our betters in the pundit class. I’m sure they’re looking out for us.

Q: Of course they are. So, what else is going on?

A: Well, this whole incident seems to have spawned a cottage industry of new blogs.

Q: Well, people are pissed and they’re speaking out.

A: Yeah, you know, earlier today Stone Cold John Gruber issued a challenge, saying he would fight David Maynor in 3 rounds of no-holds-barred bare knuckles mano y mano fisticuffs.

Q: He didn’t say that.

A: He did.

Q: No he didn’t.

A: OK, well, not technically. But he did bet him a MacBook, which is the Mac community equivalent.

Q: He called them out and – while it’s really something of a stunt – it makes a point about their claim and how it was presented.

A: Exactly. And that’s really perhaps the major problem: how it was presented. These goofballs attempted the technology world equivalent of a drive-by shooting.

Q: At this point, even if Maynor and Ellch can deliver a hack, they’ve kind of dug themselves into a PR hole, haven’t they?

A: Indeed. See, when you’re trying to make a name for yourself, you should really pick the name you’re shooting for before you open you mouth. And think about what they’ve done since they’ve gone underground. They apparently told George Ou they were going to come out firing and then didn’t. Now they’re just feeding him little dribbles of information. Maybe it’s just me, but that doesn’t scream “security professional” to me.

Q: Hmm. Hadn’t really thought of that angle.

A: Anyway, to sum up, it’s day 11 and we don’t know anything more than we knew on day 1, but we’re still having fun with it.

Q: …

A: …

Q: So… I guess I’ll just ask Chris Breen about my RAM problem, then.

A: Uh… yeah. That’d probably be good.

Q: Great. Uh… thanks…?

No Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. vitamin fortified says:

    First. With enough no-doze can accomplish anything. Now if the screen would stop shaking, I could read the article

  2. Chuckles the Clown says:

    Yowza! Top five!

  3. Kallaloo says:

    As for the SBW, good ol’ John Gruber is personally offering Ellch and Maynor a free MacBook if they crack it via Wi-Fi. I smell a tasty can of Security Bitch Slap on the skillet…

  4. EZ-E says:

    Never thought I’d post, but besides a juvenile “second,” halfway thru there’s a Q where there should be an A, and also the reverse. And there’s a black Q near the end. Banal, yes, but it needed to be said, dammit! Also, gotta check out Gruber:


    peace, out

  5. EZ-E says:

    God damn it! My first post and it’s worthless…looks like all the color/letter problems got fixed within three minutes. AND, I didn’t read the whole article, so didn’t notice that Moltz already noted the Gruber challenge (altho I coulnd’t have know that the post before me would also).

  6. Colonel Panic says:

    Seventh! And I’d like a MacBook, even if I can’t hack into it….

  7. Huh? says:

    Well, I was able to accomplish the Airport hack.

    Of course, I was using an axe at the time… But that’s not the point.
    Well, maybe it is. But it’s not important here!
    Well, maybe it is. But… um..

    I’m just going to stop now.

    This is the last time I don’t run my post past my Pants™®(they’re in the wash righ now)

    moo (no Pants™®.. Shorts™)

  8. Nxxx says:

    “Rhymes with Raynor”. Wasn’t there a female singer called Gaynor?

    Mmmmmm. Mmmmmmmm. Just off for a little snooze.

  9. Shooting blanks, little dribbles of information, spooning. Sounds like George needs a Ourologist more than anything else.

  10. Nxxx says:

    Setting up for

  11. arcsine says:

    Damn I hate when walking talking spittoons like these guys get attention.

    There are many many people working really diligently and tirelessly to identify and address security concerns for every platform and OS out there. Their names are right there in the notes that get passed out with patches, thanks to so and so, and reported by such and such group. Do people care? Nope.

    Then a bucket of spit starts spewing crap and everyone gets all riveted.

    ‘OoooOOOh!!! a vulnerability… ‘ ‘eeek!!! a proof of concept’ ‘waaah, an exploit’

    These things are like damn pimples… who cares if two dorks point and say ‘look at that huge frickin pimple’ and there’s nothing there or there’s something there – I say fuck off anyway.

    Someone who really does the security research thing will find it, fix it, or shrug it off as crap.

    There are really good people doing this stuff and they never get any offers of Macbooks or attention… let’s not disrespect all those hard working people by parading around these guys like they mean something.

  12. OMGHAX says:

    I’ll hack your mother’s Macbook!

  13. Tom says:

    I frequently gain full administrator access to my PowerBook. Do you think I should report my findings and techniques to Apple?

    After all, wireless networks don’t have that long a range, hacking is a crime so in for a penny in for a pound (as I don’t you lot say). Why doesn’t your hacker just walk over to the Macbook user and give her a blow on the ‘ead?

  14. NWJR says:

    I bet David Maynor a PONY that I could break into his barn and trade the hay for straw, but he totally dissed me.

  15. nameless norman says:

    nameless norman shouts in silence

  16. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Ah, remindes me of something one of my favorite authors said at the beginning of Security Bitch Watch: I find it hard to care. I still find it hard to care. Being bald, I also find it hard to part my hair and being blind I find it hard to stare and having only 1/2 a leg I find it hard to climb a stair. It really is kind of a package deal. No comments on my package please.

    These mellon-heads are spewing trash. I stick by what was said in the original video: the error doesn’t lie in the Apple but the third part hardware.

    There is something in each of my paragraphs: that’s right, a semi-colon.

    John, can you pay me $5 next week to ask the leading question?

  17. arcsine, what you have to realize is this…normally we wouldn’t care or get up in arms about something like this. However, what these two “talking spittoons” did was try to use Apple’s toothbrush and therefore our bitching and moaning is perfectly acceptable.

  18. Charlie says:

    Thanks for the link.

    I’m a bit confused about “Security Bitch Watch”. Shouldn’t it be “Security Bitches Watch?”

  19. Ace Deuce says:

    Uh, Ahnyer…your semicolons are only half semicolons at most, with the other halves periods, or more likely they’re just colons. And you forgot to put one in the last paragraph. And you misspelled melon.

    Otherwise, your comment is, like, nifty.

  20. Ace Deuce says:

    Except for misspelling reminds. Sorry.

  21. Guys, cmon, Give George some time here. ‘Couple’ is a really subjective term… it could mean ‘two’ or ‘a few’ or ‘almost two weeks.’ He’s also mentioned he’s “sitting on sensitive information” – we wouldn’t want him to get himself or anyone else in trouble for jumping the gun, would we?

  22. Tom says:

    Wouldn’t it be better if he stopped sitting on his genitals?

  23. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Ace Deuce, are you channeling Spell Czech or something. If so, it is really cool. Otherwise, while you’re technically correct, you are buggin’ me. Stop being right.

  24. alexr says:

    Humm… I’m getting tired of the pissing contest. Can we get back to the real fake news please?

    If that happens I’ll be as happy as a pony with brand new pants.

  25. Nxxx says:

    With or without REAL SEMI-COLONS?

  26. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Real fake news item:

    Linguists swap the names “colon” and “semicolon”! Protologists everywhere are confused.

    Phlegm at 11.

  27. alexr says:

    Ahnyer, the proctologists seem to have lost their ‘c’… in their colon?

    For the record, by “pissing contest” I was refering to the “Ou vs the world” MacBook hacking stories, not the comments.

    And by pony pants, I was refering to some very fancy pony pants. Not just your typical beige corduroy pony pants.

  28. blank says:

    Gruber is so totally going to use Maynor-Krebs’ toothbrush! Toothbrushes, whatever.

    I can’t believe the subject hasn’t come up earlier in this discussion.

  29. Ahnyer Keester says:

    I’m down with that alexr, just thought I’d try my hand at real fake news.

    Pitty about that “c” in the proctologists, huh? Maybe they can get some government funding or something.

  30. someToast says:

    I’ll trust the Protologists over the Amateurologists any day.

    They’re both probably pretty confused, though.

  31. RipRagged says:

    Okay, let me see if I have this straight. Two hackers claim to have hacked a Mac. Two hacks report the hackers only claim to have hacked an already hacked Mac but could have hacked an unhacked Mac. There is no Mac hack except in the claims of the hackers and the hacks.

    Did I miss anything?

    CARS should move on, on the grounds that it is wrong to conduct a battle of wits with the utterly unarmed. Although it is funnier than a Ballmer keynote.

  32. Bored Shitless says:

    Will you stick a sock in all of this goddamned blather about George Ou?!?!? NOBODY gives a shit, and your endless paragraphs about his bullshit are making my eyes bleed. How about some Mac humor and not this obsessive claptrap?

  33. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Goodbye Bored Shitless. The CARS trained homicidal Apple ninja Sexbots will come on their ponies and kill you with their iFlames any moment now.

    You really have no idea the size of the can of whopass you just opened. Just hope The Entity doesn’t find out what you’ve said. His wrath is…well financed.

  34. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Toast! Old buddy!! You migrated here from the MacObserver message boards. Good to see you.

  35. yOU says:

    I was promised 5 dollar to hush, but since I didn’t got them.

  36. The Invisible Evil Goat Tea and Cakes Society says:

    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap
    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap
    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap
    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap
    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap
    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap
    Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap Obsessive Claptrap

  37. joe says:

    Let’s get this right. A couple doesn’t mean 2, it means exactly “4 to 9”. Just as a few means exactly “1 to 3”. At least, that’s what George Ou claimed in his blog.

  38. Huh? says:

    Wow, I haven’t watched someone beed to death through the eyes in a long time.
    This should be fun. Could someone pass the popcorn?

    moo (in the style of Pants™®)

  39. Del says:


    If David doesn’t take you up on that bet I would be more than happy to enter a little wager. You try and swap my hay for straw. Looser pays up a pony.

    *Little does NWJR know that the barn is filled with very hungry (large) horses who won’t take kindly to their food being stolen. MWWWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA*

  40. Gary says:

    Personally, I’m kind of enjoying the Obsessive Claptrap.

  41. Don says:

    What happened to yesterdays CARS article?? Been hitting refresh so much that my toothbrush…um…pony…um….George Ou….whatever – anyway, whats going on John?

  42. Paul says:

    Yeah… I think that’s really the biggest question on people’s minds today… did you take Labor Day off, or something?!! Where are we supposed to get our free entertainment!

  43. […] And then there is this : We’re into day 11 of Security Bitch Watch and George Ou has still failed to deliver on his “couple of days” promise of fireworks. Ou’s most recent update was on Tuesday, which he mis-marked as “10/29/2006″. Now he’s not just defying the rules of responsible journalism, but the Temporal Prime Directive as well. […]

  44. […] Perhaps in response to a plethora of insane mac bloggers and friends, Johnny Cache, known for both pointing out the “Mac user base aura of smugness on security” and his desire to “stab one of those [Mac] users in the eye with a lit cigarette or something” on the Dailydav list: anyone qualified to sit and discuss the look and feel of changes of Mail.app probably has no idea what ring0 code execution means. […]

  45. Daniel says:

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