Jobs Getting Laid Tonight.

Sources close to Apple CEO Steve Jobs indicate that in preparation for tomorrow’s Special Event, Jobs will be getting it on tonight.

After some lackluster reviews of Jobs’ performance at WWDC, company executives wanted to make sure the Apple CEO was as relaxed as possible for tomorrow’s Special Event (which, by the way, will introduce a movie download service, new video iPods across the board – including somehow a video iPod shuffle – and a streaming video Airport thing that will make you squeal like a little girl).

“I spoke with Laurene [Jobs] personally, and she assured me there would be nooky between the Jobses tonight,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.

“And… um… while she was unwilling to commit to it, she did indicate that she was open to ‘seconds’ should Steve still feel a little tense.”

While Jobs’ subordinates have never before taken a professional interest in the mercurial CEO’s personal friskiness, they have delved into other aspects of his life, including his diet, his weight and his spiritual well-being.

“We just really care about Steve,” Schiller said.

Pausing Schiller added “It’s not like we’re going out and getting him hooker backups or anything. That totally wasn’t even discussed.

“For more than, like, ten or fifteen minutes.”

The Jobs’ declined to comment for this story, but there was a sign on their home reading “If the mansion’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.”