Jobs Just Doesn't Care Anymore.

After today’s blockbuster Special Event – in which Apple announced movie downloads via iTunes, all-new iPods and, most importantly, a set-top box to be released in January – late-breaking news from Cupertino says that CEO Steve Jobs will hold another special event tomorrow.

And then another on Thursday.

And another on Friday.

In fact, Jobs apparently intends to hold a Special Event every day until he has revealed everything that Apple has up its sleeve.

According to sources, Jobs will reveal Apple’s plans for the following items over the next few days.

  • Wednesday – The iPhone and Apple’s new ringtones download service.
  • Thursday – The iTablet and Apple’s new service for downloading whatever kind of shit people look at on tablet PCs. Possibly some kind of industrial assembly line-management software. Who the hell knows.
  • Friday – A lightweight laptop that runs OS X “Lite” and Apple’s new service for downloading “lite” apps. Ha-ha-ha! Ahh… OS X “Lite”. Jason O’Grady, you crack me up.
  • Monday – Sexbots. Eeyup. Sexbots. No online service. But, you know, I don’t think anyone’s really going to be complaining about that.

Sources indicate that Jobs has grown tired of the cat and mouse game with rumor sites and is simply going to publicly announce everything from now on.

“Screw it,” Jobs said. “I work my ass off trying to make something nice for everyone and all the rumor sites do is piss all over it.

“Well, I’m done. You guys are the kings of everything. Knock yourselves out. iTV. iTablet. iPhone. Here you go. I put all the specs on my .Mac account.”

“Go on.”

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t.”


Apple, obviously, did not decline to comment for this story.