12 Sep 06Jobs Just Doesn't Care Anymore.

After today’s blockbuster Special Event – in which Apple announced movie downloads via iTunes, all-new iPods and, most importantly, a set-top box to be released in January – late-breaking news from Cupertino says that CEO Steve Jobs will hold another special event tomorrow.

And then another on Thursday.

And another on Friday.

In fact, Jobs apparently intends to hold a Special Event every day until he has revealed everything that Apple has up its sleeve.

According to sources, Jobs will reveal Apple’s plans for the following items over the next few days.

  • Wednesday – The iPhone and Apple’s new ringtones download service.
  • Thursday – The iTablet and Apple’s new service for downloading whatever kind of shit people look at on tablet PCs. Possibly some kind of industrial assembly line-management software. Who the hell knows.
  • Friday – A lightweight laptop that runs OS X “Lite” and Apple’s new service for downloading “lite” apps. Ha-ha-ha! Ahh… OS X “Lite”. Jason O’Grady, you crack me up.
  • Monday – Sexbots. Eeyup. Sexbots. No online service. But, you know, I don’t think anyone’s really going to be complaining about that.

Sources indicate that Jobs has grown tired of the cat and mouse game with rumor sites and is simply going to publicly announce everything from now on.

“Screw it,” Jobs said. “I work my ass off trying to make something nice for everyone and all the rumor sites do is piss all over it.

“Well, I’m done. You guys are the kings of everything. Knock yourselves out. iTV. iTablet. iPhone. Here you go. I put all the specs on my .Mac account.”

“Go on.”

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t.”

“Really.”

Apple, obviously, did not decline to comment for this story.

No Responses to “Jobs Just Doesn't Care Anymore.”

  1. I even read the article first too!

  2. Only 1 away …

    … oh please, Jesus!

  3. I cannot believe this! For the second time ever I was 1sr post through 11th post!

    You know how many other people have done this before? 1st through 11th?

    No one! And now I have fone it TWICE!!!

  4. “done” even, really, I did not “fone” it in. 🙂

    So, umm is anyone else going to post?

    13th?

  5. Umm, is anyone else even gonna try to post even once? 😉

  6. I can keep this up all night. Really I can. Well until Masako bans me for posting too many times in a row again, like the last time I was #1 through #11!

  7. So John did you only make the site visible to me or something>

  8. Wysz says:

    Possible? Or possibly?

  9. C’mon people, this has been up almost 15 minutes already. Where is everyone?

  10. Huh? says:

    “Apple, obviously, did not decline to comment for this story.”
    If Steve was the one talking, wouldn’t that be Apple’s comment? I mean, Steve IS Apple… Right?

    Oh, Anastasios- everyone else who posted 1-11, or 13 or whatever… They’re, um, how do I put this?

    They’re no longer with us. Or anyone else. Ever.
    The Ninja Kittens are out there, you know.

    moo (Pants™®, money on the kittens)

  11. Ho Wsyz. Nice to see I am not the only one not invited to the super-sectret CARS Commenter party that has kept everyone else from posting tonight!

    I hear Moltz is giving away free iPods too! 🙁

  12. Oh for Heaven’s sake, not the Ninka Kittens! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

  13. I’mm be in my fallout shelter “Huh?”, let me know when the kittens are gone. I’m allergic. G’Nite & God Bless!

  14. *obviously my kitten allergy makes me spell incorrectly* 😉

  15. John Moltz says:

    Dude.

  16. Nxxx says:

    Gross laziness on Jobs’ part.
    What is he announcing on Saturday and Sunday>

  17. Carl says:

    Dude is Moltz speech for “I just banned your IP, jerkface.”

  18. 2000guitars says:

    Ok, as farzeye can tell, I’m teh 7th poster…

    I claim 7th for all mankind.

    well, my kind anyhow.

    and my Package™®℠©℗

  19. yOU says:

    Damn you Steve!!!

    I hate the iTV, it makes my videowall with 16 30-inch ACD’s obsolete.
    Why did nobody warn me about those small 70-inch plasma’s?

    and btw: all my iPods are obsolete now.

    Good for me they didn’t release any new newtons. 🙂

  20. Step says:

    9th poster. yay for me. (yawn)

    Yay for cool new Apple toys, and RDF!

  21. Journamalism®™℠©℗ Guy says:

    Jobs will be hosting special events every weekend…in his bedroom. And surprising, new movie downloads are added every Monday. Hmmmmmm……

  22. thelairster says:

    God damn i hate this silly posting game… At the same time…. Bring it.

  23. NWJR says:

    Where the hell are the Ponies?

    (Although I’m glad to hear the sexbots are finally moving out of the realm of rumour)

  24. blank says:

    So Steve must not have gotten any last night after all or he’d be in a better mood. Something must be wrong.

    There’s no mention of downloadable replacement personalities for the sexbots. That’s key to the business model!

  25. Ace Deuce says:

    I’ve decided to not comment on this article, other than this ironic self-contradictory, self-referential comment, of course.

  26. Buthidae says:

    I’m with Ace Deuce with this one. Ye gods.

  27. Carl, Moltz comment of “Dude.” meant, “I am amazed at your 1337 skillz and cannot believe how you just used Carl’s toothbrush!”

    Not Banned. 😀

  28. BTW, 38th! LOL!

    So in seriousness, what was up with Steve wearing a baggy, black, collared, button-up shirt at this keynote? Was it to hide his newfound skinnyness?

  29. […] The Macalope hates to break it to you, but he thinks Crazy Apple Rumors is just kidding about the whole sexbot thing. Here in the real world, yesterday’s announcements are pretty big. […]

  30. John Moltz says:

    Mmm. While I didn’t ban you, I liked Carl’s interpretation more than yours.

  31. Well John, I do have to give Carl credit there.

    But I was still first.

    And 11th!

    And 2nd – 10th too!

    For the second time ever!

    Hee! 😉

  32. Anonymous says:

    Dam…..just bought a microsoft sexbot, too. Dam thing gave me a virus.

  33. Donn says:

    People who post first and care about it are useless wankers. What a loser.

  34. foo master says:

    Donn …chill out Dude.

  35. Tom says:

    So, any news on the G5 PowerBooks?

  36. GhostImage says:

    News on G5 PowerBook front is that all G5PB were right-wheel drive Japanese-only models. Their release was covered with the story of “Intel” MacBook Pro being the first to catch fire. Everyone knows ONLY a G5 laptop could actually catch fire. It was posted right on Jobs’ .Mac site forgoodness sake!

  37. Steve says:

    Last, bitches!

  38. ujnhtkqyws says:

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  39. Abigail says:

    cool site!!!

    50!!!!)))

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