Apple Loses New iPod Shuffle.

Disappointing news from Apple today may have dire implications for the company’s first fiscal quarter.

According to sources, the company has lost the new iPod shuffle.

“This is very embarrassing, said director of iPod product marketing Stan Ng. “It was around here somewhere and now we can’t find it.

“It’s very small. It’s probably just under something.”

Ng has ransacked his office several times looking for the shuffle, but to no avail.

If Apple is unable to find the shuffle before its October release, it may seriously impact its iPod sales volume for the holiday season.

Several times over the course of a half hour, Ng asked coworkers to survey his body to make sure he hadn’t accidentally clipped it somewhere.

“It’s not on my ass, is it?” Ng asked a visibly uncomfortable administrative assistant. “Look at my ass. Is it on my ass?

“Loretta, c’mon! Look at my ass!”

Other sources believe it’s possible that Marsha in accounting used the entire 500,000 shuffle inventory to clip vendor invoices together before they were sent offsite for storage.

“No, I didn’t look at the clips I used,” Marsha said defensively. “I just do what I’m told. Hal says I gotta clip the invoices together, I clip them together.

“At the end of the day, Hal’s just asking me if I clipped the invoices together. He’s not asking me what kind of clips I used. Sheesh.”

Apple still expects the shuffle will turn up shortly and can’t believe it lost it.

39 thoughts on “Apple Loses New iPod Shuffle.”

  1. Third!. Um, I heard a sickly crunch as I rushed to my laptop to post this. Looking at the pieces, ummm, well, I possibly “found” one of them. And did they check the breakroom. I bet a few of them were used to seal Cheetos and Funyon bags.

  2. With something that small, everyone should check their pants. Repeatedly
    (Not in the Pants™®, I already looked)

    moo (Shuffle-less Pants™®)

  3. I think Mr. T has used Apple’s toothbrush by sporting the new iPod Shuffle on his left ear lobe.

  4. I prophesize(sp?) that by the year 2010 the newest thing will be the iPod GPS no bigger than a grain of rice and will be implanted under the skin behind the left ear, and the AppleCare warranty will require your barcode to be tattood on the back of your neck.

    The device won’t actually play music, but will still be a mandatory surgical implantment under the new “Super Fantastic Patriot Act” and will be required in order to pass through the new “Happy Friendly Internal Checkpoints” strategically placed throughout the United Police States of America.

    New features include a voice recorder that Podcasts your life and automatically uploads it to the NSA. After 17 years when your iLife Podcasts become declassified, your friends and family can download them from the iNSA website! (provided your Guantanamo Bay Tribunals have concluded)

  5. 22nd! Hoo Yaa!
    That’s like… double-eleventeenth, isn’t it? Well, ISN’T IT?!!?

    Anyway, it’s not my clip, but… dat’s… dat’s… dat’s my stabler.

  6. 22nd! Hoo Yaa!
    That’s like… double-eleventeenth, isn’t it? Well, ISN’T IT?!!?

    Anyway, it’s not my clip, but… dat’s… dat’s… dat’s my stabler.

  7. Sorry Nxxx,

    It’s about election time here and “anonymous” paid parties go to websites and enter info trying to influence voters. So you see a lot of crap in comments/blogs/etc…

  8. Deleted. I’m happy to leave comments from all over the political spectrum when it has something to do with the post or even if it just gels from arguments in the comment thread. But if someone tries to post something funny from their political viewpoint that actually relates to the post, you must post something funny and post-related in response from yours.

    Otherwise take it somewhere else.

  9. Moltz, all I know is that the world is a complicated place, and there’s room for lots of people, except in China, and maybe India, because they’re crowded, and that sometimes things do add up, and sometimes they don’t add up, because stuff has to be added. Like if you add tin to copper, you get bronze, you know, and so, you have to conquer Cyprus. If you want bronze, anyway. If you don’t want bronze, it might not be the place to go, because they had a tsunami once. Or twice.

    But heck, what do I know, I’m just an old man reeking of 2-cycle oil. And boy, do I smell good!

  10. Thanks Del and John.
    Can we mere Europeans join in

    Moltz for President.
    Jobs for Vice President (well it would be nice to see his face as he is sacked for the second time.)

  11. In a previously unreported development it was discovered that the new iPod Shuffle contains an RDF (Reality Distortion Field) generator imbedded on a chip in the device. An hapless Apple warehouse employee discovered the feature when he held up one of the devices in front of his eye while viewing the warehouse full of the entire stock of the ready to be shipped Shuffles. Opening and closing the clip on the back of the device in such a way as to appear to encompass all of the Shuffles in the warehouse and saying the words “Please go away” they unfortunately did just that, along with the device he was holding. Asked to comment on the story Steve Jobs said, “People inexperienced with handling RDF should not handle iMatchbookShuffle devices like these. All future iPod Shuffles will now carry a warning label: Use only when clearly grounded in Reality.”

  12. Hilarious :).

    You guys are awesome. FInally someone is making fun of all this rumour gathering around Apple. 🙂

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