21 Sep 06Apple/SecureWorks Controversy Ends Bizarrely.

In a bizarre ending to the Apple/SecureWorks controversy (also known as Security Bitch Watch), technology industry sources indicate that the two companies – previously at bitter odds over the security of Apple’s Airport hardware and drivers – were seen making out together in the parking lot behind the dumpster.

More than just being extremely, disturbingly icky, this is particularly surprising as Apple announced it was releasing a wireless security patch late today and took the opportunity to take a jab at SecureWorks, giving them no credit for discovering any vulnerability.

News of their subsequent makeout session was, therefore, a shock to many.

“Wha-?” said ZDNet’s George Ou upon hearing the news. “But… but… after all I did for SecureWorks I thought…

“I thought SecureWorks and I… were…”

Ou burst into tears and ran into the girls bathroom.

According to those in the know, the entire controversy had built to this moment.

“You know how it is,” said Apple’s friend Gary shrugging. “You argue with someone and the tension builds between the two of you. It builds and builds and then finally the only thing that will release all that tension is… you know… makin’ out.

“Oh, don’t judge them,” Gary scolded. “Like you’ve never done it.”

Apple might have commented for this story if it wasn’t mashing face with SecureWorks.

No Responses to “Apple/SecureWorks Controversy Ends Bizarrely.”

  1. Brian Ragle says:

    Second again. Hey, CARS, I am still looking for a job with you. What do you need from me to prove I can hang?

  2. Salmon says:


  3. joey lange says:

    So, uh, whatever happened to the


    oh well. I guess I’ll have to go on without knowing that I’m safe from getting my iBook’s information taken from logging onto a network that says “uberl33t haxorsss”

  4. Ace Deuce says:

    Hey Apple! Get a room!

  5. HisSteveness says:

    6th litte pony!

  6. vitamin fortified says:


    So is that a wireless driver in your Pants™®© or are you just happy to see me big boy.

  7. monkeys says:

    Ooooh… SecureWorks will be really hurt when Apple tells him “it’s not that I don’t like it, but, you know… we’re just friends.”

  8. nameless norman says:

    nameless norman sets the scene for

  9. Werner Waimarana says:

  10. Huh? says:

    I’m just wondering if I should apply the security patch to my Pants™®.

    They ARE wireless, you know.

    moo (practice safe Pants™®)

  11. scared monster says:

    Get out of this bathroom !
    I’m already there, watching …er… things… with my friend Chuck Berry.

  12. disgruntled cynic says:

    Not bad for a sleepy post. I experienced a smirk that nearly exploded into a full smile twice and I almost chuckled once. I probably would have laughed if I wasn’t so sleepy…

    SecureWorks is gonna be soooo shattered when it finds out it’s just a throwaway for Apple and there will be no homecoming date. Apple never would’ve looked twice if all the cheerleaders weren’t busy at practice when SecureWorks wandered by. Insecure chicks are so easy! Ha ha!

    That’s what happens when you try to step out of your league.

  13. Charlie says:

    umm, actually SecureWorks was just playing with Apple:


    They are merging with another company.

    Isn’t that an old song…I stop the world and merge with you….

  14. 2000guitars says:

    John Moltz was seen mashing face with his pillow.

    hmmm, said Mac user 2000guitars. That sounds like a good idea.

    latro, dude

  15. Ahnyer Keester says:

    “previously at bitter odds of the security of Apple’s Airport hardware” Shouldn’t that be “previously at bitter odds over the security of Apple’s Airport hardware”?
    I know you were sleepy.

    SecureWorks “gets around,” if you know what I mean. Not the kind of company you’d want to take home to meet mother, if you know what I mean. Though Apple isn’t much better, if you know what I mean. I hear Apple is pretty loose with their wireless access, if you know what I mean.

    And I still don’t have a date for homecoming! Do you think Rogue Amoeba has been asked yet? Maybe Missing Bite is still free, but I don’t think they’re going.

  16. NWJR says:

    I heard Crazy Apple Rumours was making out with a Pony in the parking lot.

    It’s probably not true, but this IS a rumour site.

  17. DocWolfram says:

    Nineteen (again).

  18. The Highly Esteemed YoYo says:

    20th, you know what they say about number twenty; or if you don’t, whichever.

  19. J0n says:

    I didn’t want to post something that was of a “serious” nature, but here are a couple of excerpts from MacWorld’s news story (at ) on the issue, related to the Security Bitch Watch.

    “The internal audit [by Apple] came as a result of claims by a senior researcher at SecureWorks that said he had revealed a vulnerability in Apple’s MacBook wireless software driver that would allow him to take control of the machine. SecureWorks later clarified its position and said it had used a third-party driver and not Apple’s driver….”

    “‘[SecureWorks] did not supply us with any information to allow us to identify a specific problem, so we initiated an internal audit,’ Apple spokesman, Anuj Nayar, told Macworld….”

    “Th[e] issue affects Power Mac, PowerBook, iMac, Mac Pro, Xserve, and PowerPC-based Mac mini computers equipped with wireless. Intel-based Mac mini, MacBook, and MacBook Pro computers are not affected….”

    So, SecureWorks’ claims of a wireless vulnerability in MacBooks was hooey!

  20. UhhhDude says:

    Well, that explains all those wireless hickeys on Apple’s neck.

    Hope it was worth it!

  21. The Highly Esteemed YoYo says:

    Can I just say that I am dismayed but the number of off topic comments and also that apples are really space pears from outer space.

  22. Streetrabbit says:

    Myself, I’ve always bin agin wireless.

    How in the hell d’ya tie up young boys ‘n girls wi’ wirless network cables?

    Jus’ don’t work.

  23. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Thank you JOn, that, though serious, was good to know because of the…ah…serious…nature of the vulnerability. Seriously.

  24. Rip Ragged says:

    The actual exploits and vulnerabilities for Vista should be in the papers by now — in the back, near the police blotter and the cryptoquote.

    Apple gets the front page banner. Again.

    Then you kick them when they’re down. Pick on them for making kissy-face with SecureWorks. C’mon Jonny, the least you could do is post some photos so we could judge for ourselves whether this is an infraction or just sloppy porn waiting to attack IE.

  25. Walking Contradiction says:

    Hey, were they just kissing or was something more “pornographic” going on? Who’s sticking it to who?

    You know that Apple was just testing the merchandise, getting ready to pimp SecureWorks’ out on the streets. The real question is “is dey good enough to expect profit from pimping dem bitches?” I guess only Apple knows the answer for sure at the moment …

  26. Rip Ragged says:

    Security Bitch Slap?

    Ahnyer, I know what you mean.

  27. Garrett says:

    John was seen on Pacific Ave this eve. He was having some crack ho’s check his wireless
    conectivity in the alley.

  28. […] Apple/SecureWorks Controversy Ends Bizarrely. In a bizarre ending to the Apple/SecureWorks controversy (also known as Security Bitch Watch), technology industry sources indicate that the two companies – previously at bitter odds over the security of Apple’s Airport hardware and drivers – were seen making out together in the parking lot behind the dumpster. […]

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