An event bigger than the poor working conditions for Chinese workers making the iPod, bigger than the wireless hacking controversy, bigger than Apple’ stock options problem.
According to a report by Radar Online, Apple has decided to drop Justin Long, the actor who plays the Mac in the “I’m a Mac” ad campaign.
The news left the Macintosh community stunned.
It then left it in denial.
And then angry.
And finally itchy.
“Well, this is just great,” said TidBITS managing editor Jeff Carlson. “Now how am I supposed to anthropomorphize my Mac? Apple has left its entire user base in the lurch.”
Sighing heavily, Carlson said “Well… I guess I could just go back to thinking of it as Jennifer Connelly. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, if you know what I mean.”
As Carlson called up his own contingency plan, other users were uncertain where to turn for solace in this darkest of hours. Apple is reportedly considering asking Ellen Feiss to conduct some counseling session with Mac users.
“As the biggest Apple TV commercial personality, Ellen is uniquely qualified to soothe Mac users with her lost-in-the-fog voice and droopy eyes,” said Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.
“Or, if she’s not available, we can just get one of those stoner chicks from the AV room at John Glenn High in Mt. Vernon Ohio. No one will notice the difference.”