07 Nov 06Election Night!

It’s election night in the U.S. and with Steve Jobs up for re-election as Apple CEO, it’s a night of nail-biting fear for voters in the Macintosh community.

Will the voters validate Jobs’ war on other MP3 players… or, uh, Microsoft… or… well, OK, that analogy isn’t working so well.

Let’s go to our panel. Tonight we’re pleased to have John Gruber of Daring Fireball, freelance technology journalist Glenn Fleishman, and Shawn King, host of Your Mac Life to discuss tonight’s election.


MOLTZ: Gentlemen, it looks like Jobs is going to win again by a landslide. Possibly because he’s running uncontested. But let’s talk about what Apple will be like under another Jobs’ administration. John Gruber?

GRUBER: Well, as everyone knows, Jobs is fiscally conservative but socially liberal.

FLEISHMAN: That’s true, however he has recently trended more nationalistic and away from globalization. Contrary to what many think, Steve Jobs will be very tough on immigrants.

MOLTZ: …

FLEISHMAN: …

KING: Why is everyone looking at me?

MOLTZ: Oh. No reason.

FLEISHMAN: Nothing.

GRUBER: [cough] Canadian bacon. [cough]

KING: Oh, shut up!

GRUBER: No, you shut up.

MOLTZ: Both of you shut up. I’m hearing now… yes… we’re getting results in from… uh… what precinct is this from?

MACGRUDER: This is from the guys down at the Gas-N-Sip.

MOLTZ: I guess that would explain why there are only five votes.

MACGRUDER: Yeah. I just ran down and polled them. That’s why I’m so winded.

KING: Ha-ha! “Polled them”!

FLEISHMAN: Ha-ha! And he’s “winded”!

GRUBER: Ha-ha!

MOLTZ: Ha-ha!

MACGRUDER: Ha-ha!

MOLTZ: Dude, we’re laughing at you.

MACGRUDER: Oh. … Ha-ha!

MOLTZ: Well… OK. So, what did the guys at the Gas-N-Sip say?

MACGRUDER: Uh… let’s see… Four were for Jobs and one abstained.

MOLTZ: Abstained?! What?!

MACGRUDER: Yeah. Pff. I know. How lame is that?

MOLTZ: Wait. Was it Gordy?

MACGRUDER: Well, I shouldn’t say. It was an anonymous ballot.

MOLTZ: Hmm.

MACGRUDER: Although… Gordy signed his.

MOLTZ: He’s not exactly the brightest bulb.

GRUBER: The Gas-N-Sip… is this the Gas-N-Sip over by the interstate or the one down by the Costco?

MACGRUDER: Uh, it’s the one by the train tracks.

KING: The train tracks? Where is there one by the train tracks?

MACGRUDER: Right by the movie theater.

FLEISHMAN: Oh. Is that new?

MOLTZ: Can we get back to the issue at hand? Now, when we last looked at the big board, Jobs was ahead by 4.5 million votes, but a write-in candidate was coming up fast. Who was that again, Chet?

MACGRUDER: Uh… let’s see… it was… “Phil McCracken”. He has eight votes.

MOLTZ: Um… Well, I think we’ll just go ahead and call this one for Jobs.

25 Responses to “Election Night!”

  1. His Steveness says:

    2nd little pony..

  2. Toast says:

    Hey, I voted for Woz, 3 times even!

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    This may be the poorest excuse for a CARS article yet!

    I vote for Thor Samson.

  4. Ace Deuce says:

    And don’t tell me it’s not a popularity contest because that’s exactly what it is.

  5. Nxxx says:

    Outsider Moltz steams through for sensational win.

    Jobs commits suicide.

  6. Sir Macallot says:

    6 th :o)

    And Jobs is the main Dude!!!

  7. Bob the wrecker says:

    Bob for Pres number 8

  8. alan says:

    10th

    Go Jobs! And nice reporting, Moltz.

  9. Carl says:

    11 votes for being the awesomenessest.

  10. jasonbot says:

    12 ia awesomerererr -er! Bill Gates for president, he gets my vote all the way 😀

  11. Vegetarian Coward says:

    Vegetarian Party is putting all it’s hens in the Job’s basket.

  12. Stitch says:

    furtheenpfh!

  13. DocWolfram says:

    15th

    What else can I say?

  14. OMGHAX says:

    I better be off to electoral college, try to figure out what this whole voting thing is anyway.

  15. vitamin fortified says:

    I demand a recount. Not because I care. I just didn’t get to vote earlier and hope I can slip one in the pile. And my choice is Emmitt Smith!

    What!!?? That is not a choice? This is not Dancing with the Stars?

    We were voting for Steve Jobs? Oh, OK. Nevermind. Well, carry on then.

  16. blank says:

    Count me as another vote for Thor. What a guy!

  17. Sudo Nym says:

    I guess the economy was the central issue, because everybody’s talking about the Jobs numbers.

    Hey, it had to be said.

  18. NWJR says:

    I voted for Moondancer, the grayish-blue My Little Pony.

  19. Ben says:

    I actually voted Steven P. Jobs for US Senator in California.

  20. Squished Squirrel says:

    Pheh… Moondancer.

    Thistle-Whistle is the one true ruler.

  21. Rip Ragged says:

    Is it too late to vote? Dang. Now that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are in their 40’s, they’re viable. Y’know?

    I want to write them in.

    Cowabunga, Dude!

  22. Streetrabbit says:

    I’ll vote for anyone who can get me Lee Adama diet pills.

  23. Steve Jobs says:

    I was over in Japan at a nightclub near the Apple store in Tokyo one night. People don’t recognize me there so I can slip in and out of conversations anonymously.

    Here’s something I heard but I thought it just can’t be true. A Japanese business man was watching this exotic dancer – who looked like Jennifer “Frickin'” Connoly – and she asked him, “Do you have elections in Japan?”

    He reply mystefied me.

    He said, “Ah yes, we have elections evley morning and evley night.”

    Bozo.

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