Just one day after its release, Microsoft announced today that it is discontinuing the Zune.
Product Manager Scott Erickson said “We gave it our best shot, but it’s become clear that the Zune has failed to gain a purchase in the marketplace.”
Erickson said that the negative reviews and user feedback and Zune reviews that turn into ads for the iPod were overwhelming, creating an insurmountable hill for the Zune to climb.
“People didn’t like the crashing – even with the pictures of chicks getting it on. People didn’t like the weight and the size. People didn’t like the color. People didn’t like the smell of it.”
Holding his Zune up to his face and sniffing it, Erickson muttered “What the hell is that?”
Leaning in, a project engineer said “Sweat socks, sir.”
Erickson said that the Zune’s termination is actually good news for music fans and fans of Microsoft.
“We heard you loud and clear,” Erickson said. “You said, ‘Fuck no, we don’t want a Zune.’
“That’s why I’m pleased to announce that Microsoft is already working on it’s true iPod killer which we expect to release some time next year.
“Or possibly the year after. But don’t buy any more iPods because you’re really going to want this. Whatever it turns out to be like. Still kicking around some ideas.”
One detail Erickson was able to reveal is that the upcoming “true” iPod killer will feature a totally new DRM system and that any users who have purchased music for the Zune are going to have to buy their tracks all over again.
Internet rumors said it will also allow beamed songs to last for four days or four plays instead of the current three and that it won’t smell like sweat socks as Microsoft recently filed a patent for “a small device that reeks of sauerkraut.”