Analyst Says Apple Already Sold Out of iPhones.

Analysts have reached a fever pitch in their attempts to outdo each other in iPhone prognostication.

A report from Piper Jaffrey’s Gene Munster earlier today claimed that it is “almost certain” that Apple will announce an iPhone in January. This prompted Daniel Niles of Lehman Brothers to declare that not only will Apple announce an iPhone, it actually already has and they’re sold out.

In his first quarter forecast for Apple, Niles said that Apple has already sold 7 million iPhones and 3 million iPhone Pros, and that the company is seeking relationships with other Chinese manufacturers because it is unable to keep up with demand.

In reality, Apple has not announced and refuses to comment on the existence of the iPhone.

Wall Street Analysts call Niles’ report “premature speculation.”

Reached for comment, an embarrassed Niles was apologetic.

“I don’t know what happened,” Niles said. “Maybe things were going a little too fast. Back and forth, faster and faster… all this hot speculation… I think I just got too excited. Maybe it was too long since the last time I wrote one of these. Maybe it was a combination of things.

“This has never happened to me before. I swear.”

Apple sighed heavily and declined, yet again, to comment on the iPhone.

46 thoughts on “Analyst Says Apple Already Sold Out of iPhones.”

  1. C’mon! C’mon! Yeah, baby! Elev-uuuughn.

    Oh shit.

    Shit, shit, shit.

    Too soon.

    Sorry… um.

    Yeah sorry.

    Hey. We can maybe try again in like a half hour, right?

  2. Half and hour?! My god Carl, you are an energetic little commenter aren’t you. I normally have to wait at least an hour before commenting again. Some beer and pizza during the interval usually helps as well.

  3. Magical number eight…. with a tissue and lotion standing by.

    You know, in case I need to blow my nose and to take care of my dry… hands.

  4. Premature speculation was a problem for me until I talked to my pharmacist — now I can go all night without speculating.

  5. Well I am tenth. So I guess I am having delayed speculation.
    But I hear iPhone no more than 2 hours beforehand can provide prolonged speculation for up to 24 hours.

  6. Whew! Now that the pressure is off… Actually I was with a girl who wanted me to speculate as fast as I could. She claimed that my brain was so big it hurt her… uh… perception, yeah, perception. Anyway after I had spurted out a load… of opinions… we could slow things down a bit and… talk long into the night. She dumped me for some free thinker with a big ego. Cognitive Tease!!!

  7. I already made my comments pertaining to this post seven posts ago. I am so embarrassed.

  8. I’ve tried speculating in reverse, attempting to identify new products after they have been released. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to generate interest in your observations. The challenge is to maintain a sense of anticipation once your readers have used the product for years.

    Late at night is not impressive, try it first thing in the morning.

    First early.


    And second! (to comment on the actual story!)

    Also, you know you’ve been on CARS too long when you can remember when Huh? had no Pants®{TM}.

  10. But we like his Pantsâ„¢ a lot.

    And I was wondering why my credit card had a bill for an iPhone and it wasn’t released yet. Now I know.

  11. Ah, yes… The days with no Pants™®. *sniff*

    Pants™® are doing well, and are off on some well deserved holiday time.
    Should be back first thing in 2007.

    Oh, for those who remember Shortsâ„¢. They’ve been released.
    It just wasn’t working for the team.

  12. Most CARS posters have been prematurely speculating on sexbots for years now. That must be why Apple’s sexbot line is such a mess.

  13. Skillz, OMGHAX, ardently aggravated (and ambitiosly alliterated) skillz.

    Oh no, napalm!

  14. I’ve got two words for ya!


    Errr, ok, I only had one word, but that one word is so
    profound that it sums up the entire article, or for that
    fact, all articles on CARS ever!

  15. I’ve had my iPhone for about a year now, I don’t know what the frenzy is about. I will confirm that this is not the first time that Niles has had this premature speculation problem.

  16. Muah hah hah, I relish the chaos that I have conceived!

    Nah, he’ll probably just edit my first post and include a closing tag.

  17. Actually, I didn’t mean to screw it up at first. I was in a hurry and assumed that this wordpress installation could handle that kinda thing.

  18. I can’t read a damned thing. People have been speculating all over the screen. I’m gonna need a roll of Bounty and a shitload of Windex.

    We’re number one.

  19. I’ve been using an iPhone for years. Gaffered an old Nokia 5700 to an old Newton and voila! Works a treat….except the Newton was in the shed for a few years and doesn’t turn on anymore.

    But other than that she’s a beauty.

  20. I consider myself humbled! Forgive me oh mighty lord for I have forgotten to close my html tags!

  21. Joey Lange,

    Are you sure you don’t mean the lesser-known Magic Glass? (D.W. Davies Co.) Never did like Magic Glass…..
    – born in, raised in, and escaped from, Racine….

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