In a surprising turn-around from yesterday’s news of a longer keynote, Apple sources are now telling Crazy Apple Rumors Site that no new products will be announced next Tuesday.
Apple will be announcing iLife 2007 and a speed bump for the Mac Pro…
…and that’s it.
Sources say that the time extension is so CEO Steve Jobs can work on some funny accents he’s perfecting.
“OK, OK, an excited Jobs reportedly said to a frightened intern he cornered recently. “This one’s a Mexican guy…”
“Don’t fire me, please!” the intern squealed, covering his face with his hands, dropping to the floor and curling up in the fetal position.
“You don’t like Mexican? OK, how about Guatemalan? It’s actually the same accent as far as I know, but it sounds trendier when you say ‘Guatemalan’.”
When reached by phone, senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller said that recent developments have caused Apple to believe that it has reached a point where it can be content to be “lord of the manor.”
“We’ve decided to just let third parties make most of the hard products from now on,” Schiller said. “Cisco’s already announced the iPhone and now Other World is releasing a Mac tablet, so…
“Right now I’m just rolling in a pile of cash I got for working on the iPod. Can you hear that? That ruffling sound like leaves? That’s cash. This particular pile is mostly hundreds, but you should see the pile at Steve’s house. Some of it’s bearer bonds in really big denominations.
“He’s also got an air hockey table which is just awesome. I’ve gotta get one of those.”
While the company usually declines to comment for these stories, Apple spokesperson Cynthia Mclaren was willing to go on the record as saying that all the iPod money was making it really hard to stay motivated to produce crap for us whining ingrates.