11 Jan 07Apple Community to Apple: This Relationship Is Smothering Us.

While most Apple fans heralded the coming of the iPhone, its announcement has prompted many in the community to wonder if Apple is starting to expect too much from us.

Shawn King, host of Your Mac Life said “First they asked me to love the Mac and I did. Then they asked me to love the iPod. So, yeah, sure, OK, I love the iPod.

“Now I have to love the iPhone? What’s next? Are they going to get a cat? I hate cats. And then they want me to meet their parents and then they want to move in with me.”

Others in the community echoed King’s concerns about where this relationship is going.

“Everything was going along just fine and then Steve starts getting all weepy,” said MacCentral’s Jim Dalrymple. “I hate it when you get into a relationship with someone and all of a sudden, out of fricking nowhere, they get all weepy on you. What a bunch of emotional blackmail crap. He’s just trying to manipulate me and I’m not playing along with these psycho mind games.”

Dalrymple paused for a moment.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Steve. I’m just… I’m just dealing with some shit of my own right now. I’m sorry. I’ll buy an iPhone. Just… stop crying. OK?”

The Apple community expressed surprise at the company’s recent turn toward clinginess and had wondered aloud if maybe it was time for it to just be apart from the company for a little while.

Then, however, it got drunk, went on a late-night shopping spree at the Apple Store and woke up the next to senior vice president of retail Ron Johnson.

No Responses to “Apple Community to Apple: This Relationship Is Smothering Us.”

  1. Brian says:

    First Post!
    But really we need to talk
    It’s not you – It’s me

  2. Redeyebase says:

    third – maybe?

  3. Redeyebase says:

    no, fourth.

  4. Carbonfish says:

    Six or Seven. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to read the post.

  5. Rip Ragged says:

    I don’t know. The whole neediness thing can start to wear on you, but, well, darn it all, when you think of all Steve’s done for us, the man just needs a hug.

    Not only that, but I have three cats. I mean, I hate cats as much as the next guy, but if an Apple executive grabbed my ass. I don’t know. You know? Where do you draw the line. For that matter where do you draw the circle? The rectangle? The isosceles triangle? How about the parallelogram and the trapezoid? Where do you draw to an inside straight? Where do you draw the short straw?

    And why in the hell didn’t he spend some time talking about the new AirPort base station where you can hook up hard drives and shit like that? Is there going to be an iLife 07 or what? Why do they keep naming operating systems after big pussies? Is Steve taunting Microsoft? OS X 10.6 will just be called, “Big Pussy.” That’s my guess.

    Dammit. I want answers. I also want the number of someone who knows how to wire up light switches so I can have a switch at the top and bottom of the stairs for the same toaster.

    Coffee’s ready.

  6. Rip Ragged says:

    I mean pussy CAT.

  7. Rip Ragged says:

    My wife thought somebody might read that wrong.

  8. Carbonfish says:

    I’m curious about these editorial contributions by the “CARS Staff.” Just which one of the CARS Staff is the “CARS Staff”? I mean, I can understand why Ugluk or Howard wouldn’t use a byline, but I’m more than a little suspicious of this semi-anonymous “CARS Staff” thing. This isn’t another all-too-common example of work that could be done here in the good ol’ USA that’s been outsourced to some bobforsaken hell-hole of a third-world country that’s run by a despotic madman or anything, is it?

    I’m just a little suspicious… that’s all…


  9. And that is why I like Linux, she’s the concubine who never makes you cry.

    Now Windows, that’s a nasty mistress there!

  10. After reading the article and the posts, I think I will just get a bowl of chocolate ice cream, some tissue and watch Lifetime now

  11. Rip Ragged says:

    I always figured CARS was primarily done in Indian by someone whose name has consonants in all the wrong places.

    Now, I’m beginning to wonder if maybe India is outsourcing their work to Alabama, or possibly Chula Vista.

    Mocha. Cucumber slices.

  12. scared monster (pretending being some Apple Big Chief) says:

    Wee, wee, you little nuts.
    (I’m not quite sure it has any signifiance even translated in obscure languages, but it sounded quite fine about what we feel in here, in the Last Apple Circle)

    Thou Shall Buy That iPhone.
    You know what ? It has an apple on it.
    Thou Shall Like It.
    After all, you bought this story about Intel when you understood there wouldn’t be any “Intel Inside” sticker on your Beautiful iBook, and did not cry and sob and whine saying you had chips on your shoulders, did you ?
    Thou Shall Buy That iPhone.
    As soon as it is …er…
    Six months. Maybe more.

    One more thing !

    er…no, nothing.

  13. Nxxx says:

    Be fair. We love Apple and Apple loves us.

    Or our money.

  14. spresso says:

    Okay okay so Apple can be a little needy. But she’s sooooo purdy, and she really does love us. Ummmm…yummy Apple. Plus Linux is Coyote Ugly and Windows is just a total bitch with a hideous set of bad Mac implants.

  15. OMGHAX says:

    No you fools! Don’t you see!? This is all percieved dissent! It was engineered by the man to mess with our heads! Resistance is futile!

  16. OMGHAX says:

    And now they messed with my head to violate the I before E except after C rule! They made me do it!

  17. alan says:

    Yes, Apple does love you…

  18. Black Sheep says:

    I’ve been in the Apple community for a long time, but I never wanted this kind of relationship.

    The problem is not that Steve Jobs is old enough to be my dad, but that he, in fact, might be my dad. Mom is mysteriously silent on that subject. Though she did warn me that I would be arrested if I ever set foot within Cupertino city limits.

    I have had some contact with Steve, through the internet, but he doesn’t know who I am. I’m afraid if I ask directly, he’ll get all mercurial on me. But he keeps sending me pictures of iMac motherboards and listings of Darwin source code… and he keeps asking when I’ll come over so he can give me my first iPod… *shudders* I just don’t know what to do.

    Perhaps I should forward this to the CARS help desk?

  19. pauldwaite says:

    > “Then, however, it got drunk, went on a late-night shopping spree at the Apple Store and woke up the next to senior vice president of retail Ron Johnson.”

    Hey, we’ve all done that.

  20. Doom Pa De Dum says:

    Ron Johnson told me I was the only one …

  21. Too all-beef patty says:

    In next week’s issue of “Mac Psychology Today” (cover photo of an SE/30 in a dumpster), Dr. Victor Carsenberger will outline his interpretation of the weeping incident and it’s impact on future software development. (I handle the translation and distribution in Zimbabwe and therefore have an advance copy.)

    Dr. Carsenberger states that “feral absolutionist emotionalism derides secondary aversion” and “summarily discharging of necrophilial atomic judgements obligate reserve rather than declarative postures.”

    I would tend to agree, but then I’ve been constipated lately and that affects my judgement.

  22. The Highly Esteemed Yoyo says:

    “Then, however, it got drunk, went on a late-night shopping spree at the Apple Store and woke up the next to senior vice president of retail Ron Johnson.”
    I wonder how much he cost.

  23. Del says:

    I don’t see how any true Apple fan can hate cats, that flies in the face of Steve’s kitten ninja’s who have been protecting us (They are far more efficient than Apple legal at shutting down rumor sites and their espionage skills are legendary.) for ages. Sure there has been a few casualties that hurt like AtAT, but the pluses make it worth it…. almost…. *sniff*. They are also the ones who replaced the plans of M$ iPod killer with the Zune spec’s. M$ didn’t even notice, not even a “Hey when did we decide to make it brown?”

    Those who haven’t been around CARS for long may not know that my Kitten Ninja’s read through here daily. I just hope they don’t slaughter anyone in the Giga-Post again. It was so hard to get the gore out of the comments. If you want to live I suggest keeping plenty of fish on hand, or open and close a cd/dvd tray. They love that.

  24. The Highly Esteemed Yoyo says:

    “that flies in the face of Steve’s kitten ninja’s who have been protecting us” And who coincidentally also fly into faces.

  25. The Highly Esteemed Yoyo says:

    “that flies in the face of Steve’s kitten ninja’s who have been protecting us” Who coincidentally also fly into faces.

  26. The Highly Esteemed Yoyo says:

    “that flies in the face of Steve’s kitten ninja’s who have been protecting us” And who coincidentally also fly into faces (with predictably gory results).

  27. buthidae says:

    Apple touched me there when I was young – since then it’s been all I can think of!

  28. Rip Ragged says:

    All of this flying into faces makes me feel all icky. I need a shower. Did anyone bring a shower?

    Don’t point that thing at me.

  29. Ace Deuce says:

    Apple’s got something going on the side, I’m sure of it. We should hire a private investigator to see what’s going on. It was bad enough when we found out about AT&T and Intel and Google.

    Let’s face it. Apple is a slut.

  30. kingthedestroyer says:

    I have always tried to be true in my relationship with Apple, every computer I have owned has been a Mac (Mac Plus to 20 inch intel iMac), But at my work, they are too cheap to buy the Mac version of some program I need (yes there is one, they lied but I found out the truth), so I have had to use a P of C from time to time, and the filth just won’t come off, not matter how I try. (unclean…unclean…unclean…unclean…) Now I’m afraid to go into an Apple Store for fear they will sense this betrayal. Help someone….›

  31. CTHULHU says:


  32. blank says:

    I love cats and hate phones!

    Thanks for letting me clear that up. I would love an iPhone with the phone part ripped out and replaced with a 100 GB drive. That would be one sweet music/movie player. It could still run OS X, just to keep cats involved.

    If Steve really loved us, he’d take care of that.

  33. derf says:

    hey, there’s an apple store in chula-juana now.

  34. Rip Ragged says:

    I like phones. I just need a minor redesign. The phone needs to let me know that the other person is on the line. No receiver, just a transmitter. Once I know the other person is there, I say my stuff and hang up.

    It would also be perfect for incoming calls. Caller ID tells me who is calling. If it’s a telemarketer or a pollster, I just say, “Bite me.” and hang up. If I don’t know who it is, “Bite me.” Hang up.

    For that matter, if it’s somebody I probably shouldn’t alienate or piss off, “Bite me.” Hang up. What are they gonna do? Call me and complain? HAHAHAHA. Bite me.

    It’s Friday. My new job starts Monday. I’m feeling a little misanthropic.

    Yo, pal. I have this corner. You can have the chain-link fence across the street.

  35. Mean Mikey says:

    The thing is, it’s an iCat. And as we know all iCats have SexBot owners, I don’t really see what the fuss is about. I mean, really, Shawn King doesn’t have a life of his own, so he always has to go on about Your Mac Life.

    And worst things can happen than to wake up next to Johnson. This one year, at COMDEX, I went to IBM’s toga party and….(horrible screams of anguish, followed by sobbing)

  36. Rip Ragged says:

    Wait a minute. Is The Man messing with my head, or are you guys messing with my head by saying The Man is messing with my head. Or am I messing with your head by suggesting that you’re trying to trick me into thinking that The Man is messing with my head. Maybe The Man is messing with your head, making you think that you’re really messing with my head when in reality the gumballs are still a nickel.

    And while we’re on the subject, somebody give him a wedgie.

    I wonder if avocados and shredded rutabagas will make a good salad. Soup?

  37. The Invisble Evil Beatles says:


  38. Rip Ragged says:

    Well, that should be all you need.

  39. NWJR says:

    I can’t stop pondering the logistical placement of the players in the Google/Apple/Yahoo! threesome.

    How does that work, exactly?

  40. Ryan says:

    damn.. that is hot! after extensive pondering on the subject I have cum to realize that google and yahoo! are like dirty sluts who don’t really like eachother, but are trying to be the one that gets Apple Skeet (or the iSkeet) in the face.