Followers of Apple already know that the iPhone will, in the words of Steve Jobs, allow you to “touch” your music and your contacts.
But entrepreneurs in the adult entertainment industry have realized that Apple’s new device will also allow you to touch something else: your porn.
“Apple has created an all-new and exciting means of interacting with your porn,” said adult content producer Max Stuph. “For years we’ve only dreamed of being able to produce top-quality hardcore that users could actually pinch and spread, and now, thanks to Apple, that dream has become reality.”
Stuph indicated that his firm, Big Stuph Inc., is working on an interactive system that provides real-time feedback based on the user’s gestures on the iPhone’s multi-touch display.
Stuph said the feedback is not limited to but could consist of any of the following:
- Movement of various body parts.
- Enlargement of various body parts.
- Cries of such things as “Ooh, you’re nasty!” or “Ooh, I’m nasty!” or “Ooh, the starting line-up of the Sacramento Kings is nasty!“
- The sudden presence of fluids.
Asked if he was concerned about Apple’s statements that third party developer applications would be required to be closely vetted by Apple, Stuph shook his head.
“We feel confident that we can work with Apple to get our software certified on their hardware. The process for which I know little about, but I imagine will be really hot.
“I think we’ve got a lot to offer the people at Apple who would be making those kinds of decisions, you know? I think we have a lot to bring to the party. I think the people at Apple will enjoy working with us.
“What I mean is, I know a lot of women who will have sex with people for money. Just in case I’m being too obtuse.”
Stuph went on to say that while he was sure that Steve Jobs, Phil Schiller and Jonathan Ive “do OK”, he thought “that Donald Rosenberg probably needs to get laid.”
Apple declined to comment for this story but was showing some interest in Stuph’s proposal.
If you know what I mean.