05 Feb 07Apple Settles With Apple Corps.

Apple Inc. and the Beatle’s Apple Corps announced today that they have entered into an agreement to share the “Apple” trademark. This replaces a previous agreement and marks a new – more collaborative – stage in the two companies’ interaction.

While the announcement says that the terms of the settlement are confidential, Crazy Apple Rumors Site was able to obtain the following list of items that are included:

  • The entire remastered collection of the Beatles music will be available only through iTunes, but Apple must also take all that warbly crap Yoko did, too.
  • Apple will create a special-edition Ringo iPod, which – in a secret arrangement worked out between Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono and Steve Jobs – will actually just be a regular iPod with “Ringo” engraved on the back.
  • Apple Corps will also drop an unrelated lawsuit against Phil Schiller over the similiarities between “Schillermania” and “Beatlemania”.
  • The “sosumi” system sound will be renamed “multi-year non-binding licensing agreement”.
  • Jobs gets to smoke the last bit of residue from the bag of hash Lennon was on when he wrote his songs on Magical Mystery Tour.
  • Paul McCartney will pen a soulful, heartfelt ballad to the Quartz Composer Engine.
  • To seal the deal, Jobs’ daugher Lisa will marry Sean Lennon, the son of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. In exchange, Jobs will receive one sturdy ox.

Apple Inc. and Apple Corps declined to comment for this story, but did issue a statement indicating that CFO Peter Oppenheimer “is the walrus. Goo goo g’joob.”

No Responses to “Apple Settles With Apple Corps.”

  1. wow … I had time to read the article and kill a kitten too!

  2. John Moltz says:

    Good for you! Those things are a menace.

    To upholstery.

  3. okay, seriously, just kidding about reading the article. I never read these things.

  4. John Moltz says:

    Oh.

    Well, you did still kill the kitten, though, right?

  5. Dreil says:

    thoid…moltz dont count

  6. Streetrabbit says:

    I fainted at the thought of an iPod that played “You’re Sixteen” over and over again.

    The engraving is a pile of ostrich poo. Apple suxor. Ringo roxor.

  7. Biff Whammy says:

    Damn — I was here, like, an hour ago and there was nothing going on. Crap. Crap. Crappity-crap-crap.

    Mmm — crap-apples.

  8. Huh? says:

    Dammit people, can we at least pick up the kittens after we kill them?!?
    How am I going to get this off my shoes?

    Boy are my Pants™ gonna be upset about this.

    I’m going back to the Tera-Post.
    At least the prairie dogs are alive.

  9. OMGHAX says:

    Wow. I never thought I’d live to see the day. I’m looking forward to that Ode to QCE.

  10. Carl says:

    Sean Lennon’s new album is hot. “Friendly Fire”: In stores now!

  11. silta says:

    Is it absolutely necssary to say Wow? Like Apple in its slide Wow Factor from WWDC, august 2006?

    http://www.entremaqueros.net/bitacoras/silta

    Regards,
    silta

    PS 13th? Bad number

  12. Colonel Disgusted Rtd. says:

    Sir,
    Back in ’86 on the North West Frontier, one platoon was overheard singing a popular song later identified as “Give peace a chance.” In order to stop the spread of this alien culture, I had the whole platoon, including non-commissioned and the commissioned junior officer to be charged with cowardice. They were found guilty, taken out at dawn and shot.
    Mr. Moltz, should you continue to refer to this lily-livered ‘Beatle’ group, the same will happen to you.
    Disgusted Col Retd

  13. Ace Deuce says:

    I hope the lawsuits are over for good now. They are so distressing, especially the type where George Harrison sues Madonna because her song “My Sweet Lourdes” is too similar to something he wrote.

  14. g0rdo says:

    sigh…
    17th post

  15. Rich says:

    “Jobs gets to smoke the last bit of residue from the bag of hash Lennon was on when he wrote his songs on Magical Mystery Tour.”

    Dude…that’s gonna lead to some wicked cool products.

    As long as there’s no “inspired by music” color scheme on the iPod. That was bogus.

    18th!

  16. Steve G. says:

    Score! (That would be 20.)

    I’m partial to the Wild Eep, instead of Sosumi.

    I may not kill kittens, but I do kick puppies. (I have no affiliation to this link, though I wish there was, ’cause it’s funny.)

  17. Del says:

    Great that is all we need an army of undead kittens roaming the comments here instead of in the Tera-Post where they belong.

    Please if you are going to kill kittens do it at:
    http://www.crazyapplerumors.com/?p=782

    We are trying to swell the ranks of our undead battalion since most of the army got left in the Giga-Post and you aren’t helping by leaving the little buggers wherever you feel like. Do you know how hard an undead kitten is to catch?

  18. Chuqui 3.0 says:

    Crazy Apple Rumors Site » Blog Archive » Apple Settle With Apple Corps….

    Crazy Apple Rumors Site » Blog Archive » Apple Settle With Apple Corps.: Apple Inc. and the Beatle’s Apple Corps announced today that they have entered into an agreement to share the “Apple” trademark. This replaces a previous agreement and mar…

  19. Joe #2 says:

    John,

    Your guys missed the part where Apple Corps. gets exclusive access to record all songs made by The Evil Goat™. I hear it is already in studio making a nice rendition of “Help”. Dedicated to it’s satanic overlord, of course.

  20. blank says:

    Seems like a little bit of leftover 40 year-old hash isn’t going to have enough going for it to make Jobs think he’s Waldo, much less the Walrus (or even that Oppenheimer is the Walrus).

    His housekeeper probably vacuums up better than that from under the coffee table most days.

  21. Lurker says:

    Sturdy Oxen on a stick. Them’s good eat’n.

  22. OMGHAX Fan Club says:

    flouride or florida. Try selecting the first letter of each.

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    Oh my god! Ligatures! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa….

  24. Doc Wolfram says:

    Except it’s fluoride.

  25. Rip Ragged says:

    Okay. Is it still okay not to give a shit? I’m really torn here. And there. And a little bit just right there. No, down a little and to the left. Thank you.

    Skittles and brown gravy isn’t as good as it sounds.

  26. starmax4ever says:

    Did Everyone hear the fabulous news from Bill Gates himself?

    The Mac is hacked every other day!

    And,…….
    He dares people to try to hack Vista!

    If this doesn’t make me get rid of my mac right away, I don’t know what will!

  27. UhhhDude says:

    Great! I can’t wait till The Invisible Evil Boy’s Choir does their tribute to Yoko Ono!

    Oh wait. That’ll end up sounding just like the screams of kittens being killed.

    Well, at least they’ll be on key.

    No, that’s your underwear. Mine should be around here somewhere…

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