02 Feb 07Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 Responses to “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  1. Nxxx says:

    I’ve always believed death was nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

  2. Del says:

    That is true, zombies do seem to move at a slower rate. Well traditional zombies that is. The fad of super fast zombies sort of negates the point of slowing down after death.

  3. Nxxx says:

    This is likely to turn into a learned discussion regarding the merits of life, death and the undead.

    Did i say learned?

  4. Psyko says:

    I’ll be honest. I didn’t read everything between my last post and this one.

    Just thought that would help you all make your decision.

    Have a good day.


  5. Del says:

    NOw the zombies know where you are!

  6. Ace Deuce says:

    Better put on your stealth cloak.

  7. Nxxx says:

    Is Dubya still around or was it all my imagination?

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    From the looks of the mess he left, I’d say it wasn’t just your imagination.

  9. Nxxx says:

    I’ve got a very bad imagination.

  10. Psyko says:

    Actually, the zombies think they know where I am. Fact of the matter is that I posted and ran again, which is why I didn’t read anything.

    Which reminds me. I really need a hunter zombie hunter.


  11. Nxxx says:

    How will that help? A ‘hunter’ is a fob watch, normally worn on a chain with a waistcoat. Can you strangle a zombie with a fob watch chain? If you can, I’ve been receiving plenty of spam from pseudo watch sellers, so they are not difficult to obtain.

  12. Del says:

    Maybe what you need is Zombie Strippers and not Zombie Hunters. Just watched the movie and just about lmao.

  13. Nxxx says:

    Isn’t Psyko a bit young for Strippers?
    I know I am.

  14. Ace Deuce says:

    I’m not too current with the zombie scene. Are there zombie chihuahuas, or do they only come in human form?

    The classic movie “The Killer Shrews” suggests the horror of such an eventuality.

  15. Del says:

    Depends on the zombie genre. Sometimes animals are safe and sometimes you got a whole lot of angry zombie zoo animals running amok.

  16. Nxxx says:

    Zombies and it is nearly 06:15 on Friday Thirteenth here in the UK.
    Do I post?

  17. Nxxx says:

    Damn that reaction.

  18. del says:

    Happy Friday the 13th!!!

  19. Ace Deuce says:

    Lucky us!

    Remember not to open an umbrella indoors, break a mirror, walk under a ladder, kill an albatross, sleep on a table, see a bird that comes towards you, drop a dishcloth, or start a trip today, as you will have bad luck. Also if an owl hoots in your garden, or a black cat walks in front of you.

    But only if you are superstitious. Fortunately, I’m substitious.

  20. Nxxx says:

    Wish you had reminded me of the quiet bus on the wrong side of the road.

  21. Rip Ragged says:

    In the song, Please Come to Boston, there is no mention of Cleveland, Kansas City, Seattle, Elko, Minneapolis-St.Paul, or anyplace in either of the Dakotas.

    An oversight, I’m certain.

  22. Rip Ragged says:

    Ooops. That was totally off topic.

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    Plus, you forgot to say “Mother, may I?”

    Simon says “Take three steps back, you impertinent sidewinder!”

  24. Nxxx says:

    There is also no mention of East Peckham or even Peckham proper. I’ve never heard the song but I’m sure someone will confirm my suppositions.

  25. Del says:

    I didn’t know we were on topic.

  26. Nxxx says:

    Further explanation also required. Is that Boston, Lincolnshire, where
    Those that jump from Boston Stump
    Hit the ground with a terrible thump
    or Boston in that State i can’t spell.

  27. Ace Deuce says:

    I haven’t heard the song either, but I’m betting it excludes Walla Walla, Washington. Since Walla Walla is a staple of Warner Brothers cartoons and is extremely euphonious, I find it hard to fathom. Further, I’m betting that Rip has been there, since it’s just a stone’s throw from his neck of the woods.

    But it and many others are missing as well from the venerable “I’ve Been Everywhere,” made famous by Johnny Cash, although my favorite version is on the first album of Asleep at the Wheel. The lyrics are offered here in gratuitous support of my contention:

    I was totin’ my pack along the long dusty Winnemucca road,
    When along came a semi with a high an’ canvas-covered load.
    “If you’re goin’ to Winnemucca, Mack, with me you can ride.”
    And so I climbed into the cab and then I settled down inside.
    He asked me if I’d seen a road with so much dust and sand.
    And I said, “Listen, I’ve traveled every road in this here land!”

    I’ve been everywhere, man.
    I’ve been everywhere, man.
    Crossed the desert’s bare, man.
    I’ve breathed the mountain air, man.
    Of travel I’ve had my share, man.
    I’ve been everywhere.

    I’ve been to:
    Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
    Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
    Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
    Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
    Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
    Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla, I’m a killer.


    I’ve been to:
    Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana,
    Washington, Houston, Kingston, Texarkana,
    Monterey, Faraday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa,
    Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa,
    Tennessee, Hennessey, Chicopee, Spirit Lake,
    Grand Lake, Devils Lake, Crater Lake, for Pete’s sake.


    I’ve been to:
    Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika,
    Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rica,
    Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport,
    Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport,
    Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina,
    Pasadena, Catalina, see what I mean-a.


    I’ve been to:
    Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
    Ellisburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
    Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
    Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
    Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
    Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City, what a pity.


    ‘nough said…

  28. Nxxx says:

    See you’ve been to Kingston, Ace. Used to go out with a lass from Surbiton, just down the road from Kingston. As you well know, Surbiton means South outlying farm of Kingston and Norbiton being the one that is 180 degrees opposed. Again, many a king was crowned, well a few anyway, in Kingston. Did we ever meet?
    Noticed you omitted New York which is a village in Lincolnshire but did mention Black Rock, which is of course, in my native Wales (neither blue nor sperm).

  29. Del says:

    And now for post 2900

  30. Nxxx says:

    Bloody long fence, then.

  31. Ace Deuce says:

    What are you doing here in the Tera-Post? I thought it was quarantined, boarded up, condemned — but instead it smells minty fresh.

  32. Nxxx says:

    It’s the only toilet facilities within easy walking distance.

  33. Ace Deuce says:

    Sorry, I don’t understand Russian. And you somehow ended up in the Tera-Post, which has been mothballed. The embassy is just beyond that ridge…

  34. Rip Ragged says:

    The prairie dog tracks are fresh. I believe this tunnel may be the origin of the weird stories of elephants drinking everclear. Fan out men.

  35. Del says:

    I’m lost and I can’t find the other post… Maybe if I follow the prairie dog tracks they’ll lead me home.

  36. Ace Deuce says:

    Del, I baked some cornbread and placed it on the window sill of the Giga-Post. If you follow the aroma, you should find it easily enough. We need you to come soon and get busy: there are only a little more than a hundred comments to go there to make it the new champion post at CARS.

  37. Del says:

    Someone ate the spam! It seems that either 1) Moltz is backing and cleaning things up (evidence by the fact that the comments remember who I am now. or more likely 2) The cannibalistic boars crossed with badgers are doing their job eating all the spammers in the post.

  38. Ace Deuce says:

    Which reminds me: although I’ve heard about Spam all my life, and seen it displayed in supermarkets, I’ve never eaten any.

    How would eating Spam change my destiny in life?

  39. Steve G. says:

    Oh, FFS. I can’t keep track of the people in my house, let alone all these long-running comments scattered across different posts.

  40. Rip Ragged says:

    The Terapost. Forgotten, but not gone.

  41. Rip Ragged says:

    Welcome to the social.

  42. Ace Deuce says:

    Rip, the Tera-Post was sleeping so peacefully, and now we’re tramping about like bulls in the shops in China. Had it been well enough we could have left it alone, but it is one sick puppy that I pledge to visit at least once a year until it is dead.

  43. Ace Deuce says:

    Just checking in. As you were…

  44. Ace Deuce says:

    Ah, the Tera-Post. The post that coulda been a contender!

  45. Rip Ragged says:

    Well, it’s a new year for the Tera-Post. I brought Baked Lays. That’s different from saying I brought horny teenagers from Denver.

  46. Ace Deuce says:

    Capitalization can make all the difference sometimes.

  47. Rip Ragged says:

    The sequester is coming. According to my math, if I scale down the coming federal cuts proportionally to my personal budget and ran a sequester, I can’t have a third glass of beer with my pizza once this month. That’s gonna hurt.

  48. Ace Deuce says:

    Too bad the sequester rules don’t allow shifting cuts from the beer to the pizza. Or to the mortgage.

  49. Further explanation also required. Is that Boston, Lincolnshire, where
    Those that jump from Boston Stump
    Hit the ground with a terrible thump
    or Boston in that State i can’t spell

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