Apple and Cisco announced late today that they had reached an agreement over the use of the iPhone trademark.
According to the terms of the deal, both companies get to use the “iPhone” name on their products and the firms will “explore new opportunities to work together”.
Sources tell Crazy Apple Rumors Site that the deal has numerous interesting clauses, including the following:
- Apple gets to the use the iPhone trademark on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and every other weekend. Cisco gets it the other days. This arrangement will be renegotiated when the iPhone trademark goes off to boarding school.
- Apple may declare the contract invalid if Cisco uses the word “irregardless”* in a non-ironic context.
- Cisco may invoke an escape clause at any time by yelling the “safe word”, which is “banana”.
- Apple is allowed to name products with any arrangement of the letters in “iPhone”. Look for the Apple Phonie coming soon.
- Apple is allowed to roll its eyes anytime anyone mentions the partnership with Cisco and say things like “Pff. Cisco. Don’t get me started on that bitch.”
- Cisco gets to say it contributed technology to at least three Apple products a year, even if it isn’t true.
- To demonstrate their continued commitment, representatives from both companies must meet every year at a large flat rock on the top of Mt. Ararat and reenact the final scene from the 1995 New Port Richie FL Dinner Theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire – staring Joe Piscopo and Cyndi Lauper – using marionettes.
- Cisco must Photoshop back in the Apple logo on the laptop being used by the guy on the company’s home page.
Apple declined to comment for this story, but Cisco, frankly, wouldn’t shut up about it.
“Ooh, did you see we settled? Ooh, yeah. Well, we totally owned that trademark. Totally. We had big plans for it. Whole “iPone” line. It was gonna be…
“Wait, did I say ‘iPone’? Ha-ha! Really?! I did?! I meant ‘iPhone’! Ha-ha! Oh, boy! I mean, of course, ‘iPhone’. What… what else would it have been? ‘iPhone’! Ha-ha!”
* The first person in comments who says “irregardless” is a word because it’s in the dictionary gets banned.