Apple and Cisco Settle.

Apple and Cisco announced late today that they had reached an agreement over the use of the iPhone trademark.

According to the terms of the deal, both companies get to use the “iPhone” name on their products and the firms will “explore new opportunities to work together”.

Sources tell Crazy Apple Rumors Site that the deal has numerous interesting clauses, including the following:

  • Apple gets to the use the iPhone trademark on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and every other weekend. Cisco gets it the other days. This arrangement will be renegotiated when the iPhone trademark goes off to boarding school.
  • Apple may declare the contract invalid if Cisco uses the word “irregardless”* in a non-ironic context.
  • Cisco may invoke an escape clause at any time by yelling the “safe word”, which is “banana”.
  • Apple is allowed to name products with any arrangement of the letters in “iPhone”. Look for the Apple Phonie coming soon.
  • Apple is allowed to roll its eyes anytime anyone mentions the partnership with Cisco and say things like “Pff. Cisco. Don’t get me started on that bitch.”
  • Cisco gets to say it contributed technology to at least three Apple products a year, even if it isn’t true.
  • To demonstrate their continued commitment, representatives from both companies must meet every year at a large flat rock on the top of Mt. Ararat and reenact the final scene from the 1995 New Port Richie FL Dinner Theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire – staring Joe Piscopo and Cyndi Lauper – using marionettes.
  • Cisco must Photoshop back in the Apple logo on the laptop being used by the guy on the company’s home page.

Apple declined to comment for this story, but Cisco, frankly, wouldn’t shut up about it.

“Ooh, did you see we settled? Ooh, yeah. Well, we totally owned that trademark. Totally. We had big plans for it. Whole “iPone” line. It was gonna be…

“Wait, did I say ‘iPone’? Ha-ha! Really?! I did?! I meant ‘iPhone’! Ha-ha! Oh, boy! I mean, of course, ‘iPhone’. What… what else would it have been? ‘iPhone’! Ha-ha!”

* The first person in comments who says “irregardless” is a word because it’s in the dictionary gets banned.

58 thoughts on “Apple and Cisco Settle.”

  1. First person in comments to be banned for saying “irregardless” is a word because it’s in the dictionary!

  2. Banned from what exactly? I’m already banned from certain retail outlets for taking my SexBot with me….

  3. Irrespective of your threats, I exercise my right to bastardise the English language regardless.

    Irregardless is a word because…it’s….in…the…d

    …because it’s in the d…

  4. What is February? (pronounced Feb-rue-ary rather than Feb-you-ary)

    (And if my tongue were capable of rolling the “r”s, I’d throw those in too, just for show.)

  5. Can we say ear, regardless if it makes any sense?

    Can someone tell me why the word Colonel has no R in it?

    Does anyone else think that they iPhone’s web browsing is going to suck, because attempting to download the full HTML version of a web pages, over EDGE is going to take a long ass time?

    And… I just got an offer from Cingular for a new phone (not the iPhone), and it listed text messages being 15 cents each! At that rate, I’d have to wonder what they are making for every GB of text messages that they transmit.

    Personally, I regard less than I used to… or something like that.

    Oh, did someone say Pictionary? Is that the XXX version that you brought to the party?

  6. As sharing the same name is now cool, in future you can call me John Moltz, Steve Jobs and the Duke of Edinburgh. You are receiving my cheques, forward them to me please or I’ll take legal action.

  7. Don’t forget about us mister, the suit is still on and I ain’t talkin’ Armani!

    We’ve been frying apples a helluva lot bigger than you.

  8. Dang! Looks like I missed my chance to be first saying irregardless is a word cuz it’s in the dictionary! 🙁

    On the plus side, I suppose that means I don’t have to worry about being banned – then again I am in Japan and will never have this IP address again, so it wouldn’t have mattered…. 🙂

  9. “• To demonstrate their continued commitment, representatives from both companies must meet every year at a large flat rock on the top of Mt. Ararat and reenact the final scene from the 1995 New Port Richie FL Dinner Theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire – staring Joe Piscopo and Cyndi Lauper – using marionettes.”

    That large flat rock would be the remains of Noah’s Ark, in which case Joe Piscopo and Cyndi Lauper would then be asked to work the marionettes instead of the hired puppeteers, who would then perform that scene from “The Ten Commandments” where Charlton Heston gets the tablets from The Big Guy. Anyone caught building a golden calf during that time will risk nullification of the whole deal.

    That means you, Jobs.

    I mean it!

  10. pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis… also, secondarily isn’t a word but people use it all the time.

  11. The nice things about bananas are that no matter what you do to them, you can always still peel and eat it. 😛

  12. irregardless, this does make Jobs the Cisco Kid. I’m applying for Pancho’s job with this post.

    “irregardless” was a cut and paste from post 23. You don’t know, banned Jack.

  13. How do we know that the guy on the Cisco homepage is using a laptop? Maybe it’s just a nice piece of brushed titanium/aluminum/whatever that he’s using for a lap desk.

    I’m looking forward to the eHip. Hey, it didn’t say all the letters had to be used!

  14. I actually do sa “Feb-brew-airy” without even thinking about it. Phonetics are quite useful.

  15. I tried banning my wife from saying dethaw, but that didn’t go over to well. Didn’t result in frozen assets, but now I have to defrost my own meat.

    buthidae has been watching too much Black Adder.

  16. It isn’t in my dictionary. I tore that page out and haven’t looked back.

    What I want to know is who gets to use whose toothbrush?

  17. Now that Moltz has banned some one for saying that “iWordthingy” was in the dictionary, is it OK for someone else to say it now, Cause you know he said the “first Person”, not a word about the second, third forth etc..??

    “iWordthingy”, Definition; a word used in place of another word that would get you banned from various religions, solar systems and websites.

  18. “bootylicious” is in the dictionary, but I still refuse to use it.

    I have, however, been known to use “fucktard” and recently invented “foshizzleware” but that is another story.

  19. On the bright side, at least Jack’s definition noted that “irregardless” was erroneous. So he didn’t get himself banned in vain.

    Hmm — Webster’s describes irregardless as “nonstandard,” but doesn’t include an entry for “frigtard.” That ain’t right.

  20. It’s in Who’s Who. Frig Tard is Leo Tard’s sister.

    You know who’s not in Who’s Who? Dr. Who.

    Who knew?

  21. And you’d think Dr. Seuss would have an entry in Who’s Who in Whoville, but he’s not, even though he created the place.

  22. Moltz,

    Is there any other way to get banned? How about early posting without reading the blog; post some test questions that can only be answered by readers.

    They won’t let me into the Safeway anymore because of that incident at the frozen food case. And Wal-Mart has my picture (an old one, before I lost all my facial hair in that stupid blender accident), so no more sneaking in and changing prices.

    Anyone know how to get the cap-lock key released on an Underwood model 512? All my ransom notes look like I’m shouting, and you know how much that helps in a tense situation.

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