22 Feb 07Jobs Continues To Express Himself.

When Apple CEO Steve Jobs came out against DRM two weeks ago, Apple fans cheered.

When Jobs lit into teachers’ unions last week, some Apple fans supported him while others said he had gone too far.

Now Jobs has pushed the envelope even further. In an 18-page diatribe, the mercurial Apple CEO hauled off on kittens today, sparking another round of controversy.

Here’s a small sample:

Cats, while destructive and useless in nearly every other regard, at least have the singular advantage that you can train them to poop in a box. Not so with kittens.

They are worthless. A blight upon humanity. If Apple did not have to fear an expensive lawsuit from the powerful and criminal kitten-lovers lobby, I would direct it to develop technologies aimed at eradicating these vermin from the face of the earth.

I, personally, have created preliminary schematics for several devices that would incinerate kittens through the use of highly concentrated photon beams. I implore the Bush administration, the U.S. Congress, the Massachussetts Institute of Technology, the Jet Propulsion Laboratories and the Anti-Kitten League to devote all of their funding to researching these vital technologies. Once designed, Apple will happily produce them for free.

Imagine a world without these sofa-scratching, mewling terrorists that can barely hold up their freakishly big-eyed heads.

That’s the kind of world I want to live in.

While most denounced Jobs’ most recent statement, some Apple fans actually came out in support of it.

“Kittens are evil little stuffed socks that move,” said Mac user Sam Marcus. “Long have I waited for someone to speak out against these tiny monsters.

“Although, I wish he’d have said something about when the new iMacs are coming out. I mean, should I buy one now or wait? C’mon, Steve, throw me a bone, here.”

Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Jobs is not finished expressing himself and in the coming weeks is expected to go off on other normally inviolate targets such as cocoa, oxygen, and the nape of Jennifer Connelly’s neck.

52 Responses to “Jobs Continues To Express Himself.”

  1. Tyson says:

    We will pray that you will be hanged upside down and some chops up you little by little until You are Dead.

    The world will then be a better place without you disgusting, cowardice, ugly monsters who have screwed up brains and souls whyo Torture & Murder innocent, defensless Other animals.

    Please commit suicide NOW!!!!! Do something right for once. You will be blocked from our site.

    In Hell You All will be Screaming and Screaming FOREVER & FOREVER & FOREVER….

  2. Chris says:

    The only one sicker than Jobs all all you low lifes making jokes about abusing and torturing innocent animals. You are really warped. I hope none of you idots ever procreate

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