06 Mar 07Misinformation Campaign Explains A Lot.

According to an anonymous Apple programmer, the supposed “Asteroid” project was part of a misinformation campaign by CEO Steve Jobs intended to trap leakers.

In retrospect, if true, this explains several odd rumors that have been seen in the past several years. Now sources tell Crazy Apple Rumors Site that it took Apple several tries before it perfected the formula.

“I remember in the summer of 2002 I was standing on a street corner,” a source said, “and up comes Phil Schiller in a trench coat and he says ‘Uh, hey, want to see the plans for the new Apple… uh… portable… uh… micro… holo… projector… oscillation… over-thruster… flux… capacitor… uh… thing?’

“And I’m, like, no. And he’s, like, c’mon. And I’m, like, no, I’m cool. And finally he walks off looking all dejected.

“The whole thing was especially weird because I don’t run a rumor site. I don’t even own a Mac.

“And I’m Amish. I mean, like, really obviously Amish. I have no idea what he was thinking. ‘I’m going to dump a bogus rumor on this Amish dude?’ What the frack?”

Reacting to the surprise on reporters faces, the source added “Oh, what, Amish dudes can’t watch BSG? Oh, man, that is such a stereotype.

“A true stereotype, but a stereotype nonetheless. I mean, I am so not supposed to watch BSG. But there I am every Sunday night…”

The news about Apple’s misinformation campaign also explains the following incidents:

  • In the summer of 2003, Apple Insider received anonymous tips that Apple was “cool” and its products “way boss”.
  • The 1-800-GET-RMRS number Apple set up in May of 2004.
  • A report in early 2005 on Think Secret indicating that Steve Jobs “is a wildcat in the sack.”

Apple declined to comment for this story, but did push a manila envelope containing plans for new touch-screen Cinema Displays that are supposedly coming out next month across the table and raise its eyebrows several times.

30 Responses to “Misinformation Campaign Explains A Lot.”

  1. Dreil says:

    FOIST AGAIN

  2. Dreil says:

    ANYONE can watch BSG, gosh!

    …if forced to…

    why does every other episode have to be just really lame?

    and have nothing to do w/ the cylons or the quest for earth?

  3. redeyebase says:

    damn 3

  4. 2000guitars says:

    The only time cats are in the sack, is when they’re thrown into the river. Not that I’ve ever done that…

  5. Carl says:

    The irony is that Asteroid is real and this counter-rumor is the fake to smoke out the leakers.

  6. Don of Doom says:

    Is CARS therefore just an Apple fabrication????

  7. Trevor says:

    7th! I’ll be first soon enough.

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    I see your eyebrow and I’ll raise you a scalp.

    You might consider folding.

  9. Salmon says:

    I’ve never mastered the art of getting out while I’m still ahead.

  10. Nxxx says:

    Was it “Asteroid” or “Haemorrhoid” that was used to trap leakers?

    Surely the latter was more descriptive?

  11. wlao says:

    This may just be a misinformation campaign intended to trap those who leaked about the misinformation campaigns.

    You better watch out, John. If you want you can borrrow my tin foil hat.

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    Tell me about it!

    Nine months ago I pre-ordered the bagel with cream cheese.

    Still nuthin’.

  13. J0n says:

    There’s also the story at , about how Apple detected that Microsoft was trying to steal OS X secrets, so they gave the spy a CD full of obfuscated Mac OS 7 code, and it took Microsoft several years before they figured it out.

  14. J0n says:

    Sorry, the URL didn’t make it in. The story is at http: // clintonforbes.blogspot.com/search/label/INTERCAL

  15. UhhhDude says:

    Yeah. There’s also a rumor out there that Starbuck is dead. Am I supposed to believe that, too? Hah!

  16. Too all-beef patty says:

    Re stereotypes, what ever happened to quadraphonic? And who wears galoshes anymore?

    I used the word “stinker” in a conversation yesterday to refer to ‘a bad person’; everyone looked at me as if I was wearing galoshes and a trench coat.

    And why do we call it a “trench” coat? I don’t see ditch diggers wearing them. Would it still be a trench coat if it didn’t have epaulets and a belt? Anyone out there use epaulets for anything useful?

    Sweet sixteen.

  17. comacnut says:

    You mean you’ve never seen one of Morty’s famous beltless trench coats?

  18. OMGHAX says:

    Cars Staff! You guys! Shouldn’t you be evacuating or something!? You know, for the bolide that’s gonna hit Tacoma?

  19. Lurker says:

    Epaulets on a stick. Them’s … kinda weird, actually…

  20. blank says:

    I’m in denial about Starbuck. And I’ll never forgive that coffee chain for stealing the name. What kind of frakking felgerkarb is that anyway?

    I have yet to see an asteroid in BSG. What’s with that?

  21. Squished Squirrel says:

    2KGuitars – I see you have used the tried and true “Cat abuse and then denial” method for getting Moltz to post a comment.

    I’m rather shocked it failed.

  22. Deep Goat says:

    I don’t think CARS really understands how far this goes… most of these rumors exist to keep the International Conspiracy® going so that us on the web don’t waste our time searching out information about how the Kennedy assassins wired up the Twin Towers with explosive reptile-people in order to fake the moon landing.

  23. Deep Goat says:

    Shit! I’ve said too much!

  24. Aaron Priven says:

    I am pretty sure there is no c in “frak.”

  25. Joe #2 says:

    I really feel geeky for immediately wondering why an Amish guy was using frak.

    Worse when I realised you were using it as a joke.

    Thanks CARS for making me laugh at work.

    Touch screen display.

    Be funny if it does come out next month.

  26. Cap'n Groucho says:

    BSG? What’s that then, eh?

  27. Streetrabbit says:

    Bisodium Glutamate. Twice as tasty as MSG.

    It’s obvious to me that:

    1. Starbuck is a Cylon and next week will appear in the gooey bath being massaged by Sharon, #6 and Xena: Warrior Princess (oh I love those scenes)

    2. Starbuck is not a Cylon and next week her ghost will lead the fleet through the swirly… painty.. picture thing.

    3. Pam Ewing dreamt the whole episode.

  28. blank says:

    You left out the possibility that she ejected before the explosion and was captured by the Cylons.

    Hey, I said I was in denial about this didn’t I?

  29. Rip Ragged says:

    I used to play Asteroids at The Pourhouse. That is only a rumor because I was really don’t remember it all too clearly. I’m pretty sure the Asteroids thing was real, though.

    Okra and chicken gizzard pizza with extra lima beans, please.

  30. Rip Ragged says:

    That is only a rumor, in that I don’t remember it all too clearly.

    That’s what I meant to say. Really.

    Hey, Moltzie. Why can’t I have an edit feature that lets me go back and fix my really stupid misteaks? Also, why can’t I have a iPod that stirs peanut butter properly? And what the hell is that awful smell? Smells like somebody dumped a bottle of Hai Karate into a batch of kettle corn, then farted.

    I want a refund. And the Get Out of Jail Free card, and a Railroad.

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