Crazy Apple Rumors Site reporters were able to slip into Apple’s shareholder meeting today by posing as baby seals and saying “We’re with Greenpeace” when asked.
Here are our notes from the meeting.
- Asked to give back the shares of restricted stock he received in exchange for backdated options, Jobs delighted shareholders by adopting a wacky Mexican accent and pretending to “no speeka da Engleesh”. Ha-ha! Ahhh…
- Confronted by a Greenpeace activist about Apple’s environmental record, Jobs asked the dreadlocked man/woman “How many pounds of leaflets have you handed out at Macworld and Apple Stores in the past year?” His/her head then exploded.
- Damn, seal suits really chafe around the crotch.
- Asked about Leopard, Jobs and Bertrand Serlet performed Samuel Beckett’s “Waiting for Godot” in its entirety, receiving a standing ovation from shareholders at the end.
- Defending the company’s decision to launch a risky product like the iPhone in a highly competitive market, Jobs stripped to the waist and wrestled a rather large and ill-tempered boar to the ground. He then declared that he was “mighty” and none should doubt his feats of strength. The questioner was removed, executed and the surviving shareholders were treated to a bacchanalian feast to show there was no ill will.
- Regarding .Mac, Jobs admitted that Apple’s suite of online services hasn’t achieved its full potential, but said the company was working on it.
- Apropos of nothing, senior vice president of retail Ron Johnson rose to announce that not one, but two Apple Stores would be coming to Tacoma, Wash., before the end of 2007.
Apple declined to comment for these notes.
Other than all the commenting.