11 May 07Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

And you’ll be happy to know that this week we have a Help Desk episode for you! Uh, unfortunately, we somehow lost the middle parts in post-production. I’m not sure how that happened. We’ve got the first line and the last line, but that’s it.

Hey, that’s an improvement over the last two weeks, right?

OK, let’s see what we’ve got.

Q: I have a brand new 8-core Mac Pro and I need to do some high-end video editing. I’ve got enough horse power, of course, but I’m concerned about my storage. What’s a reasonable amount of storage for high-end video processing?
A: That’s not salad dressing.

Hmm. That was an odd one. Uh… I’m not sure what was going on there.

It… uh…

Well, let’s try the next one.

Q: My iMac seems to have a problem connecting to iChat. I can get through on the same network using my MacBook, but not on the iMac. What am I doing wrong?
A: Well, that’s fine for you, but what about the manatee?!

I think that had something to do with sea mammals.

Well, obviously, but I mean Mac-using sea mammals.

Q: My PowerBook has served me well for several years now, but I’m thinking it’s time to upgrade to a MacBook Pro. What are the considerations I should make?
UGLUK: [glack] Ugh. Uh… me think me swallow it.

Now that one I remember! Ha-ha! Ahh…

But, uh, you kind of had to be there.

No Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. Huh? says:

    So then she says- ‘No soap, RADIO!!!’


    I guess you had to be there.

  2. Carbonfish says:

    I really want to be three, so I’ll just dink around here for a minute…

    Damn, I can’t stand it!

  3. Carbonfish says:

    Okay, now I’ll be Three!

  4. Carbonfish says:

    Damn and blast!

  5. Carbonfish says:

    So this duck walks into a bar with a guy on his ass…

    No WAIT!

  6. 尼古拉 says:

    Just put Yellow Dog Linux on the PowerBook and forget about the MacIntel!

  7. redeyebase says:

    Wow! late tonight again and still top 10… can I ask another question, Moltz?

  8. comacnut says:

    I think the CARS staff forgot how this whole help desk thing works after their long absence.

    #9 Bitch!

  9. comacnut says:

    Ok maybe I forgot how the whole number system thing works.


  10. Panduemonium says:

    Holy sh*t 10
    it IS a strange world one could live in…
    I DO wonder what color the sky is though… still…
    And Damn macs…always losing data and text sh*t..
    get a PeeCee

  11. Carl says:

    11, and I can totally relate to the last question. I’m thinking of upgrading my powerbook and Ugluk is always messing with my stuff.

  12. roboto says:


  13. ZED says:

    To quote the famous Larry:

    “Barbara Manatee (Manatee, Manatee)
    You are the one for me (one for me, one for me)
    Sent from up above (up above, up above)
    You are the one I love (I love, I love, I love)”

  14. scared monster, better known as Le Chef De La Cuisine, says:

    Vinaigrette :
    One spoon of red-wine vinegar
    poured on a pinch of salt, and one of pepper
    mix until salt has melted
    mix with a spoonful of french Moutarde
    Two to three spoons of oil (is the right word for colza “rape” ?)
    mix until emulsion.

    Pour on MacBook Amateur.

    For the MacBook Pro, it is recommended to use some raspberry flavored wine vinegar, and tu add chopped chive.

  15. chouffie says:

    A: Uhh, the world is not flat, you know.
    A: It’s round!
    A: Yep!
    A: Just like a pancake, indeed!

  16. NWJR says:

    …but what about the singing cats? WHERE THE HELL ARE THE SINGING CATS?

  17. Ace Deuce says:

    The singing cats are in the Tera-Post, of course. Where else would they be?


  18. Rip Ragged says:

    So, correct me if I’m wrong here, but did Ugluck just eat a manatee and a computer without salad dressing?

    If the singing cats have the vinaigrette in the Tera Post, who’s watching little Mary Lou?

    This is not going to work. I’m still going to have to mow the lawn. AND trime the hedge.

  19. Rip Ragged says:

    That’s “trim the hedge…”

    I never trime on Saturdays.

  20. Pengu says:

    You’re all on Crack.

    where do i get mine?

  21. wlao says:

    Pengu: that could be a question for next weeks help desk.

  22. Rip Ragged says:

    You get it under your belt, or at least tuck your freaking t-shirt in.

    We have standards.

  23. Pengu says:

    Why can’t it be a question for LAST weeks help desk?

  24. Doc Wolfram says:

    Thanks for the Larry reference. Brings back memories.

    and Pengu,

    IIRC, LAST week’s help desk was even lamer than this weeks.

  25. Lurker says:

    We have standards?


  26. blank says:

    I don’t.

  27. Salad Dressing says:

    “Why can’t it be a question for LAST weeks help desk?” …will be answered next week.

  28. Walking Contradiction says:

    Hey, we DID get a help desk this week … of sorts. Thanks.

    Q: What happened to the help desk this week?
    A: What do you mean, it’s there!
    Q: But it’s only the first question and last comment, where’s the chatter in between?
    A: There was chatter in between? Between what?
    Q: Between the first question and last comment.
    A: Oh, that. Uh … a star exploded in a neighboring galaxy, which caused all sorts of issues worldwide.
    Q: No it didn’t.
    A: Yes, it did! Check out the site NASA has for Chandra!
    Q: No, I know a star exploded. But it didn’t cause worldwide issues, for anyone else at least.
    A: Oh. That’s right, it’s because Paris Hilton is facing jail time, that caused all sorts of issues worldwide.
    Q: Male bovine manure. What’s the real story here?
    A: Uh, we’ve hosted this site on a Vista machine?
    Q: I KNEW IT!!
    A: Hey, how did you get me asking questions again? That’s supposed to be your part.
    Q: I’m not sure, but I heard a star exploded in a nearby galaxy causing havoc worldwide, or some shit like that.

  29. Rip Ragged says:

    Paris Hilton is facing jail time? Is that toward or away from the camera? I’m just wondering if we’re going to get another crotch shot.

  30. Hmmm…no soap in the radio, that’s good. The cord’s too short to reach the sink, so washing it out is a pain.

    I’ll bet I can fill in the details on that next-to-last call…probably the sea mammals wondering how they can use their Macs without getting electrocuted…

    I know I’d wonder that if I were a sea mammal using a Macintosh at home.