Jobs Conducts Enigmatic Firing.

Just three weeks before Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference, Jobs conducted a firing today that has many followers scratching their heads.

As close followers of Apple know, the name of every person Steve Jobs has fired is an anagram for the next product the company releases or updates. In December of last year, Jobs fired engineer Al Pheppilone, whose name is, of course, an anagram for Apple iPhone.

The problem? The name of the engineer Jobs fired today is Xerxes Ng.

“Uh, well, OK, uh,” began Daring Fireball’s John Gruber. “Oh! It’s, uh, X-Ser… uh, no. How about Sex… well, probably not…

“No, wait! It’s X-Ser… oh, no, wait, I tried that.”

“Maybe we should ask [the New York Times’ David] Pogue. Does the Times have a Jumble?”

For his part, Pogue was simply incredulous.

“What the hell kind of a name is Xerxes Ng anyway?!” Pogue demanded. “I mean, the guy’s half Persian half Vietnamese? Why the hell couldn’t Jobs have fired that dude named Mac Proboko? I mean, he’s a total slacker.”

Apple followers are now watching the company closely in the hopes that Jobs will fire someone with at least a few more vowels in the weeks between now and WWDC.

43 thoughts on “Jobs Conducts Enigmatic Firing.”

  1. Dammit Moltz, I’m terrible at anagrams. Now I’ll be up all night trying to figure out if you’ve hidden some clever message in your post tonight, or if it’s just humorous gibberish.

  2. I could have sworn there was an employee with a name composed entirely of vowels. Anyone recall?

  3. Your problem is that you are only thinking in English, well American English in your case, however, in a little known South East Europe dialect of Serbo-Croat, the name alone is the nastiest dirty joke I’ve ever heard.

  4. Al Peppilone is missing an H to be the anagram of Apple iPhone

    What kind of unreliable journalism is this? Are you just making things up?

  5. David Pogue is on my list.

    PoisedNoise, too.

    Call me a slacker, huh? You’re messin’ with the wrong guy!

    I’ll have my vengeance, oh, yes. But it won’t come right away. No, there’s all the Memorial Day stuff this weekend, then we’re going to Toronto for Jamie’s wedding in late June, and we’ll be busy getting ready for that until then. Then Independence Day, and then we’re taking the twins to DisneyWorld for their birthday. That’s gonna take a lot out of me, so let’s rule out the first couple weeks of August. But come mid-August, or maybe sometime in September or October or thereabouts, I’ll have my vengeance.

    Wait — October’s out. That’s Leopard. Then it’s November and into the holidays…

    Okay, okay… I can’t give you a date, but take it from me — my vengeance will be swift and certain.

  6. Well, i’m so glad i found a typo tonight. last night was impeccable.

    Moltz: “Jobs conducting a firing today” is he conducting? or did he conduct?

    Thank you. I’ll take generation gaps for 10, alex.

  7. I hate to say this, but Al Pheppilone has an L too much to be an anagram of the Apple iPhone.

    Do I get banned now? Finally?

  8. Fact: The Beatles sacked Pete Best just before releasing their smash single ‘Step Beet’

    Being that left only four Beatles John Lennon, the genius that he was, realised the folly of continuing such a practice.

    Sacking employees who’s names are anagrams of upcoming products is so yesterday’s HR strategy.

    Move on Jobs….just move on.

  9. SexGen XR
    Sex’n Rex G
    Rex’n Sex G
    Sex NX Reg

    … uh, doesn’t really sound like an iGasm, does it?

  10. John Moltz,

    My congratulations to you on one of your top efforts to date!

    (Ignore those who are carping over “not enough of this letter, or too many of that letter”.)

  11. Oh my, Steve just fired Pascal Do Tinno. He reminded him of the option scandal.

    Thanks Steve G, for mentioning Internet Anagram Server 😉

  12. Option scandal? Are you sure it wasn’t a scalp donation?
    No, wait…
    ANTIPODAL CONS
    PANDA COLONIST
    NONACID POSTAL
    PLATONIC DONAS
    NODAL CAPTIONS
    CLAN ADOPTIONS
    CLAP DONATIONS

    Who knew???

  13. Pascal Do Tinno

    Actually, Xerxes, you are mistaken. It was Steve’s cryptic way of reminding shareholders of his stubborn stance on music rental services:

    Can’t Loan iPods

    Also, Moltz: all this confusion is due to a typo in insider information: Xerxes’ last name isn’t, “Ng”; these are his last two initials. Xerxes N.G.

    I can say no more. My job is already on the line as my name closely matches Apple’s new business plan, “ASK THEN RAG A WIZ PONY”.

  14. Excellent. The maestro conducting A Firing. That’s by Stravinsky, right?

    I like where this is leading. Soon we’ll be neck deep in palindromes, introducing the Mac Cam.

  15. Ah, but what about semordnilaps? Where one word, when reversed, spells out another: Like deranged. Backwards, it spells degnared. Hmm, I guess that’s not really a word, but still! There are real examples!

  16. I like mondegreens more than anagrams. Palindromic mondegreens are even better!

    They haven’t fired the right guy yet, but there is a SeXserve in the works–coordinating system for the LNSA (lesbian ninja sexbot army).

  17. Turns out that Xerxes can be a mans name, or a chicks name, or in the case of “300” the name of an effeminate leader with a god-like voice. Which prompted me to do a bit more investigating reporting. Turns out Mr. Ng is actually Mrs. Ng, and when she was hired by Apple her maiden name was Bevsto.

    Ergo: Xerxes Bevsto-Ng = X-serve Sexbot (NG) [Next Generation, like the Star Trek NG]

    Oh happy day!!!!!!!

  18. I just called 5 cingular shops today. (spoke to 2 “managers)

    They said the iphone is delayed till late jne or early july! wtf!
    Anybody heard anything???

    No other info on the web

  19. @ AppleInsider

    ASK THEN RAG A WIZ PONY

    OMG! Is Apple working on:

    A PREGNANT YAKS OH WIZ?
    A AGENT ZAP SHRINK YOW?
    A SENATOR KHAN GYP WIZ?
    A TAKER PANSY ZING WHO?
    A SPEAK ANGRY WHIZ TON?
    A GAYER SPANK WHIZ NOT?
    A WEAK RAT ZINGS PHONY?
    A WAKE SHAT ZINGY PORN?

  20. Actually if you do the Numerological reduction then extract the null bits, Rip Ragged is a cryptogram of a palindromic acronym for a cousin of Steve Jobs.

    That’s why I always get my hair cut just before the WWDC.

  21. I am not sure that I can completely understand your comments. Would you be so kind as to expand on your reasoning a little more before I comment.

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