In late-breaking news just weeks before its launch, Crazy Apple Rumors site has learned that Apple has added a killer feature to the iPhone that is sure to secure its success.
Sources in Apple’s iPhone development group have revealed that in addition to acting as a phone, an email client, a web browser, a mapping platform and a portable entertainment system, the iPhone will also dispense beer.
The company has added a small tap to the side of the iPhone that will, when pressed, release the frosty, refreshing beverage that has been enjoyed since the time of the Pharaohs.
“This could be the holy grail of mobile connectivity,” said Shawn King, host of Your Mac Life.
“To be able to access my beer on-the-go… I can’t even think of a reason why I’d go home again.
“Oh. Well, to see my wife, of course. Right. Uhh… love you, honey!”
The details of this startling new feature were not available at press time. It’s not known, for example, exactly how much beer an iPhone can hold and whether or not Apple will rely on third-party peripheral developers to build add-on kegs.
But most were not concerned by the lack of details.
“It’s a phone that dispenses beer!” exclaimed Apple follower Derik DeLong.
“Oh! My! God! I mean, at this point, I don’t even give a shit if it actually makes phone calls anymore!”
Some of the slower pundits were concerned about Apple “tapping” the iPhone.
“I’m concerned about Apple tapping the iPhone,” said Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group.
“I’m also concerned that I might have swallowed my gum.”
Apple declined to comment officially for this story, but it did have beer on its breath.