05 Jul 07Jobs Announces iPhone Pro.

In a surprise move today, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the release of the iPhone Pro which will be available immediately. The iPhone Pro has an expanded feature set that redefines the product line.

“We were really excited about the original iPhone,” Jobs said. “It was a ground-breaking product.

“But that’s over. Today we’re pleased to introduce the iPhone Pro which offers a clear advantage over the iPhone. You’re going to want to shove those things in the back of the drawer and head down to the Apple Store to pick up one of these bad boys.”

According to Apple sources, the iPhone Pro:

  • Features 80 GB of storage space and a full-featured Mail application with spam filtering and the ability to copy/paste between applications.
  • Comes with an iPhone SDK and allows users to install third-party applications.
  • Is unlocked and can be used with any cellular provider.
  • Will be introduced at the 8 GB iPhone’s $600 price point with the price of the 8 GB model being dropped to $300 and the 4 GB model being discontinued.

Reaction in the Apple community was enthusiastic.

“What the hell?!” exclaimed an excited John Gruber of Daring Fireball. “I just bought one of those things on Friday! They can’t do that! Can they do that?

“What the hell?!”

Equally ebullient was Bynkii.com‘s John C. Welch.

“That’s just a bunch of crap! A bunch of fricking crap!” Welch cheered.

“I’ll kill Steve Jobs! I’ll kill him!

“Right after I get my iPhone Pro. I’ve gotta go line up.”

No Responses to “Jobs Announces iPhone Pro.”

  1. MacIntel (Formely knwon as MacPower) says:

    First in line

  2. Carbonfish says:

    I meant to say three.

  3. Carbonfish says:

    Okay, now that I’ve read the post…

    HAaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    Very nice John and most of the errors were barely noticeable.

  4. redeyebase says:

    toppie ten. now to read…

  5. Trevor says:

    I’ll pay $600 for that.

  6. ebullient = bubbly, cheerful

    I don’t think that’s what you’re trying to say, is it?

  7. lurg says:

    is there a CARS Pro site i’m missing ?

  8. fatbo says:

    iPWN PRO!

    (also, ninth)

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Does it come in the Princess form factor?

  10. Huh? says:

    Now if they could just release Pants Pro™, I’d be excited.

    More than I already am.

    Really.

  11. chimp says:

    pro schmoe. If it doesn’t run flash, apple will go belly up in twenty minutes.

  12. Ace Deuce says:

    Hey chimp,

    Dan Quayle tells me you meant to spell that “proe schmoe,” and the Spell Czech says it should be “pro schmo.”

    But I say English is a living language, so schpellet en knee wei ja vaunt.

  13. disgruntled cynic says:

    Doh! I spent minutes – MINUTES, I TELL YA! – assembling and proofing a really clever comment with several clever links and then the spam filter cleverly ate it. Too many links I presume.

    I’ve out-clevered myself again.

  14. Streetrabbit says:

    No mention of an iPaperClip to get the sim out?

    Not surprising really. That’s one helluva big project.

  15. Miiphone of the Future or Something... says:

    YEAH! Waiting really payed off! I knew the original iPhone wasn’t anywhere near their full potential… and here it is, some genuine proof! All hail these aliens that give Apple their technology… speaking of which, what does Jobs give the aliens in return? I bet he holds them all hostage or something and threatens to kill their family if they don’t give him some more kick-ass technology.

    Wait a minute! I don’t see anything about the ring tones being customizable! I am so not buying this… then again… SDK… probably has the potential to hack the iPhone easily and give me customized ring tones… I’LL DO IT! I WILL BUY AN IPHONE!!! PRO!… man that name is kind of lame… how about they just call the older one, iPhone Mini… or iPhone Nano… or iPhone Flea.

    Speaking of which, did anyone else ever buy the iPod Flea?

  16. Nxxx says:

    I’m being crafty, the iPhone ProPro is out tomorrow and then the real one the iPhone ProProPro is due out on the 26th. Hold back until then.

  17. Klayman says:

    But… but… still no iPony???????

    oh, the humanity!

  18. nonlinearG says:

    MiiPhone take note. The pro will have caller defined ring tones.

    The marketing department has a study that indicates that callers who want their call answered before the second ring will be using the flatulence ring tone.

    This will also be usefull to call your boss in a big meeting from the person’s phone that got promoted over you. Don’t disturb his/her finger prints on the keypad.

  19. At least he’s wearing pants again.

    Of course, he had to: the second part of his announcement (one more thing) was myPants Pro. For anyone with a 42″+ waist size who happens to think painted aluminum threads look rather snappy.

  20. Del says:

    I phone is now a business expense thanks to Google’s Telekinesis.

  21. erpel says:

    Why not adapt the Quicktime Model here.
    iPhone for free for everybody except linux users and a Pro upgrade for $29.99?

  22. Fake Paul says:

    Typical Apple. Just as I was preparing my 250,000-word review for the WINDOWS SUPERSITE! too. Of course, this new phone is bound to be a failure. Obviously.

  23. blank says:

    So close.

    Still waiting for the “200 GB/no phone at all” iPod option.

    I’ll have pants with that too!

  24. Del says:

    My Apple iPony just arrived!

    YAY.

    Oh crap I forgot I signed that NDA.

    Guess I’ll be getting a visit from the ninja’s again.

  25. Miiphone says:

    @ Nxxx

    …just wondering… what exactly will the iPhone ProPro and iPhone ProProPro add?

    I suppose they’ll be heading in a similar direction as anything else Apple makes:

    more memory
    more speed
    more money
    more brushed metal (I’ll bet they’ll make something all new too: brushed glass screen!!! It’ll make it look retro I bet… it’ll look a bit like there are scan lines all over it or something.)

    seriously though, some things they need to make it able to do:
    Lights! You’ll be able to control all the lights in your house with just your iPhone. Very useful!!! (Scare the shit out of your friends at night when the lights flicker on and off… or just act like a 2 year old and flash the lights on and off and talk about the funny new colors you can see!)

    Garage Opener! Do I need to explain?

    TV Remote! Flick through the channels with your all new iPhone ProProPro!

    Car Keys Plus! Hijack any car you want to with it! Point and hit the button and the car clicks unlock. Click again and it turns on! And a cool plus, you can drive it remotely, or have it explode remotely! Man… it would be just like the movie Transformers! You know… “MY CAR STOLE ITSELF!” and then you have it explode! LOL! Man… the look on the poor saps face will be priceless!)

    Speaking of which… Transformer! Have it transform into any gadget you you point and click! (A “bug” it has, if you try to turn it into a Zune it will yank your tongue and force you to lick your own asshole!)

  26. OMG… I’m ova so ova… j/k. I didn’t wait in line for the IPhone yet. Lucky me. I also will not going to wait in line for the Iphone pro. Why? It’s not because I don’t want one. I think it’s too crazy to stay in line for Iphone. I rather wait for one beautiful afternoon day where the sun is shining my way, the sky is bluer the way I like it, and my mood is high, then I go to buy an Iphone where no one staying in line, and the stupid Iphone sale men and women trying to please me so that I can sign up with an Iphone plan and use their gadget.

    Steve Job is so shrewd. He know whomever bought an Iphone already will be piss, but so what, Iphone pro obviously going to get buy out just like the original Iphone. The one who can’t get in line last time for the original now probably is in line for the pro.

    I guess you can’t blame Bill Gate for being evil, because Steve is no different.

  27. Josef Stalin says:

    Comrade Moltz is confused. Apple is in fact developing the “iPhone Prole”, which will be available only to paid-up Party members, and can be paid for by a monthly withholding of 38 kopecs. The iPhone Prole will come pre-loaded with all the films of Michael Moore, and coupon good for the stub of one of my Cuban cigars.

    Long live the Revolution!

    Love,

    Uncle Joey.

  28. Rip Ragged says:

    Over at Rip Ragged (Apple’s new preferred suckass fanboy review site) we have already thoroughly researched the iPhone Pro rumor. The iPhone Pro is a hooker who was in line at the West Towne Mall store in Madison, Wisconsin. Flo Johanneson bought 26 iPhones in 18 different visits over the weekend. We have no indication whether her rumored trysts with Bret Favre actually occurred.

  29. shawk says:

    I seem to have missed the Friday Help Desk.
    I’m sorry.
    Um.. is Apple Beleaguered?

  30. Rip Ragged says:

    And then there is the iPhone UltraMegaPro (codename: iSexbot). It will grate hashbrowns AND play Taj Mahal and Robert Johnson CDs to the wee hours of the morning. It doubles as a bathtub stopper. If that doesn’t make you skip a dose of Cialis, I don’t know what will.

  31. Now that comrade Stalin has heroically starved my kulak parents to death, I have inherited their goat, which I will be absolutely voluntarily contributing to the party’s weekly brunch. I thank comrade Stalin for allowing me to live for another day, and hope to atone for my parent’s crimes through dedicated work for the revolution.

    (sob)

  32. iSavant says:

    Something prophetic in this… closer to true than crazy, eh?

  33. sam says:

    Not much on my mind recently. Basically nothing seems important. So it goes. Today was a complete loss.

  34. i too think they should come up wit ipants think of the luxery that ipants would hav and im pretty sure they would be able to feed u,bathe u,hav a built in mp5 player, and u could call ur friends wit a option of texting oh i could see it now

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