23 Jul 07Zune Survey Provides Interesting Results.

A poll conducted by Eagle Research Group indicates that 70 percent of Zune users plan on switching to either an iPod or an iPhone as soon as they can.

Clearly, despite Microsoft’s best efforts to put a happy face on its beleaguered digital music player, the Zune is a severe disappointment.

But 70 percent that desired to switch wasn’t the only bad news Eagle Research Found found for the Zune and Microsoft. According to the study:

  • 20 percent of that 70 percent said they’d rather be kicked in the groin than use a Zune again.
  • 95 percent of iPod users volunteered to do the kicking because they felt the Zune users should have known better in the first place.
  • 100 percent of PlaysForSure music is incompatible with the Zune. That wasn’t actually part of the survey, we just like to point it out every chance we get because it’s so fricking hysterical.
  • The number one complaint of the 70 percent who said they would switch: premature squirting.
  • 35 percent of Zune owners have that funky brown Zune smell.
  • 70 percent of Steve Ballmer’s body consists of chicken parts deemed unsuitable for human consumption – mostly waddles and anuses.

That last one actually didn’t come from the survey, it came from the U.S. Poultry Council.

When reached for comment, Apple said that Zune owners would have to apply for iPod ownership and iPhone ownership would only be allowed for those with very good references.

No Responses to “Zune Survey Provides Interesting Results.”

  1. Blargo says:

    First?

  2. dogazagod says:

    OMD second?

  3. Yourmedic says:

    I’d trade this article for one that didn’t mention the Zune.

  4. Nxxx says:

    But can they be persuaded to switch to CARS?

  5. Nxxx says:

    But can they be persuaded to switch to CARS?

  6. redeyebase says:

    zune, shmoon. gimme a pod (i, pea, shuttle, porpoise) anytime.

  7. redeyebase says:

    Nxxx – you duplicated yourself.

  8. UhhhDude says:

    Now that Microsoft has screwed up THAT venture, let’s sit back and watch them attempt to imitate the iPhone. This oughta be good.

    SKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEESKEE

  9. Carbonfish says:

    Nxxx,

    How did you trick WordPress into accepting an identical double post?

    I thought it would flag you for that…

    Hmmmmmmmm.

  10. 55% of all stats are made up says:

    95% of the article relates to Zune (the other 5 refers to body parts). 60% of all CARS comments contain references to the ordinal position of the comment and 45% of these are wrong.

  11. Huh? says:

    Good references… Hmm…
    Wouldn’t that fact that they owned a Zune automatically rule them out?

    Just wondering…

  12. Ace Deuce says:

    The problem with the Zune statistics is that the pollsters missed missed one of the guys who bought one. That throws the numbers way out of whack.

  13. Me group says:

    That would be me, I’m the other guy who brought a Zune.

  14. NKOTB Fanatic says:

    I hate the Zune so much. I was holding my big black Zune once and this luscious buxomous natural redhead with freckles down to the wazoo walked by listening to her Zune and mine just started squirting all over her. It squirted everything! Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, all my shame I hide from the world. Needless to say, rather than hooking up with me as I wanted her to do, she hooked me up with her brother. He’s hot and all and the wild monkey sex is great, but he never returns my calls. I’m not a needy person, but I would like to know that he thinks about me from time to time.

  15. disgruntled cynic says:

    Ace Deuce,

    Missing him twice would certainly throw the numbers “out of whack.”

    (I use that phrase too, but I couldn’t allow it to be presumed mine as it’s all un-scientifical and whatnot.)

    And especially when I’m nitpicking a typo. (Or “not” – Should that be ‘And especially NOT when I’m…’ or … I think I messed up the quotes now. And you can’t start a sentence with ‘and’ but now there’s that quote problem again, too.. or is that ‘two?’ … more quotes – inside or outside the question mark. Oh GOD! This parentheses is still open! Wait! Is it only a paranthese if singular? )

    My head hurts. May I be excused?

    Please forgive me and carry on.

  16. disgruntled cynic says:

    But ya typed “missed” twice.

    Dammit.

  17. scared monster, better known as Le Chef De La Cuisine, says:

    Dans le cochon, tout est bon.

    Pas dans le poulet.

    This was «French Lessons About Eating» Number One.
    A guide to kitchen conversations in France and Other Primitive Countries.

  18. GroovyBrent says:

    Hehe… Microsoft… “beleaguered”… hehe

  19. The Incredible Mr says:

    Wow! What a coincidence. I mention the Zune a few posts back and now here it is being mentioned again. What are the odds with such an esoteric topic?

  20. Nxxx says:

    Carbonfish,
    It’s the quickness of the thumb that defeats……………….. what did you say?
    Must go for a lie d…………………………

  21. fatbo says:

    needless to say, iPods totally iPWN zunes.

  22. Corpse with a Plaid Jacket says:

    “Out Of Whack”

    Juliet Forrest: What are you doing??!??
    Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they… shifted all out of whack ….. There.
    Juliet Forrest: Thank you.
    Rigby Reardon: You’re Welcome.

  23. blank says:

    There’s something special about using the words “Microsoft” and “beleaguered” in the same sentence. Makes my pet chicken’s waddles all tingly!

    Whatever the hell they are.

  24. Langue Doc says:

    You mean “wattles” not “waddles.”

  25. Seven says:

    Maybe his pet chickens waddle in a tingly way.

    I’m just sayin, is all ….

    7

  26. UhhhDude, please…

    …oh, what’s the point.

  27. Cap'n Groucho says:

    Is it too late for me to say “Lies, damned lies and, er … Zune sales figures?”

  28. UhhhDude says:

    Hey, I’m doing this until someone comes and installs a right margin.

    Until then, I’m inside the margins, technically.

    (Plus, I’m maintaining a CARS tradition here.)

  29. ergo says:

    WKRP had some waddling tingly ducks once. Really funny episode involving a hotplate. What’s with the entity and waffles? He always struck me a the “really thin pancakes” type. Sort of an energy being from a rainbow nebula, if you know what I mean.

  30. Rip Ragge says:

    I’m always on the lookout for new funny things to write about on my blog. That’s why I sometimes come here.

    Besides the facts that it is an utter commercial failure, an engineering equivalent of 100 clowns escaping a burning car, and a technological travesty on the order of the original Tacoma Narrows Bridge, can anyone help me find the humor in Zune?

    Also, while we’re at it, would you help me find my other shoe? I had it when I came in here. It’s a brown loafer, with tassels.

    Thank you.

  31. Rip Ragge says:

    Rumors of my demise are mildly exaggerated. I have a new Mac Pro. The thrill of it all keeps pushing the keyboard drawer away from me.

  32. Streetrabbit says:

    No luck with the loafer but I found this ‘d’.

    You’re welcome.

  33. Loose Leaf says:

    Sorry about the loafer rip, the dog got ahold of it. You probably don’t want it back now. I could hollow out a brown Zune for you, it would work better as a shoe then a music player.

  34. blank says:

    Sure, call me out over “waddles” vs. “wattles” but don’t mention the usage in TFA? What kind of proofreading is that?

    Besides, the chickens aren’t insulated with anything but feathers.

  35. Church of Apple says:

    “When reached for comment, Apple said that Zune owners would have to apply for iPod ownership and iPhone ownership would only be allowed for those with very good references.”

    It’s a good start. Now we need to extend this policy to all Apple products. I hate stupid people with Macs.

    “I was holding my big black Zune once and this luscious buxomous natural redhead with freckles down to the wazoo walked by listening to her Zune and mine just started squirting all over her. It squirted everything! Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, all my shame I hide from the world.”

    Fucking hilarious. You made my day. Thank you.

  36. “Now that Microsoft has screwed up THAT venture, let’s sit back and watch them attempt to imitate the iPhone. This oughta be good.”

    Comes in brown. Phone’s name will be Zone.

  37. I think it’s only a matter of time before Britney runs over a photographer and kills ’em. What happened to that sweet old Britney we used to know and love?

  38. That would be sweet to go see Avril Lavigne in concert in Beijing China. Her tour date says it’s October 6th. After watching the olympics, I really want to visit Beijing now.

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