07 Aug 07New iMacs Have Interesting Feature.

Apple announced new iMacs today that feature a remarkable new design. As other sites have reported, the iMacs feature all-new aluminum enclosures, slim keyboards and can be configured with up to a terabyte of storage.

But what you may not have read on other sites is that not only are the new iMacs startlingly thin, they are actually two-dimensional.

The reason Apple neglected to emphasize this in its presentation may have something to do with a small warning at the bottom of the new iMac’s web page: “The effect of seeing the iMac disappear as you move around it can be quite startling. Users should be warned that it may frighten horses or induce labor in pregnant women.”

Another negative consequence of this amazing design is that putting a disk into the SuperDrive can be quite a challenge.

“The drive slot actually exists in N space,” said Macworld managing editor Jason Snell. “So, you have to wiggle the disk just right to bend space ever so slightly so it will load.

“Don’t get your hand in there, though. You’ll get sucked down to two dimensions and shot into N space. That’ll leave a mark. Unless you’re some kind of, I dunno, energy being or something.”

As an interesting side note to the new iMac’s specifications, the new Mac mini apparently does not occupy any physical space in our dimension at all, as CEO Steve Jobs decided it just wasn’t worth mentioning.

40 Responses to “New iMacs Have Interesting Feature.”

  1. cb says:

    Number 1 Tiiippppeeeeee

  2. cb says:

    and I’m still worried about the giant squid schooling off the coast …

  3. His Steveness says:

    No ponys though…

  4. Carbonfish says:

    Three? I hope I’m not two… It’s just so… second.

  5. Carbonfish says:

    O. K. Five will do.

  6. Carbonfish says:

    John… “they are actually are ??

  7. Streetrabbit says:

    I’m gonna wallpaper my bathroom with those suckas!

  8. Streetrabbit says:

    Surely you just have to show it the disk. I mean how behind the times are Apple?

  9. Carl says:

    Forward this one to Moltz, I reckon.

  10. redeyebase says:

    It’s a good thing there is no multi-touch feature…

  11. Nxxx says:

    Anorexic iMacs?

    Whatever next?

  12. redeyebase says:

    omg i made top 10 at 10:56

  13. Carbonfish says:

    Thanks for the correction CARS staff, whomever and wherever you are.

    You’re my heroes!

  14. Sudo Nym says:

    It is ones, and it is zeroes.

    More zeroes than ones, I think, but who am I to say? I am nothing.

    Which means I’m kinda biased toward zeroes, that’s all.

  15. Rip Ragged says:

    Hey! I’m two-dimensional, and it hasn’t had a significant negative impact at all. Unless you consider that… well….

    Okay. It hasn’t all been peaches and cream, but …

    Maybe I should go back to bed.

  16. Ace Deuce says:

    The new model is ideal for dicing fruits and vegetables. Wear your gloves.

  17. fh says:

    Are Apple becoming obsessed with size 0??

  18. Brother Mugga says:

    I wish my guts were two dimensional, but it’s just my personality at the moment.

    Maybe if Jonathan Ive gave me a massage or something…?

  19. Chris says:

    I try t be as one deminsional as humanly possible.

    I wonder if there is any truth to the rumor that the next 2D iMac, will have a 4D Möbius strip as a base, thus making it a 3D object.

    Sorry to see that John was incorrect with his prediction on the new Apple Keyboard.

  20. Steve G. says:

    Since nobody has claimed it yet: First! (x 20)
    Well, His Steveness didn’t give me a pony or a lesbian ninja sexbot. 🙁
    I guess a 2D iMac will do.

    Question: Can a 2D iMac run 4D? (I’m kinda surprised it still exists…) Or will there be some weird N space problem that would end time as we know it?

  21. TuCats says:

    I worry more than a little bit about the carnage.

    I mean, the thing is so freaking thin, being only two dimensional and all. A paper cut has nothing on slicing your fingers clean off while trying to find the N-space slot for the Superdrive. Maybe that’s why the new BT keyboard is also smaller; you really won’t need a large keyboard when you’re typing with nothing but stumps for fingers.

  22. greenacres says:

    Hmmm, energy being….Moltz, why don’t you go look for the Entity in N space? Just put your hand in the Superdrive slot..and…ok, you can take the Mescaline first….

  23. Del says:

    Wow someone else who has even heard of 4d? I believe that is a sign of the end times/cyber apocalypse.

  24. Peter Cohen says:

    Dammit, Moltz, Jason’s not managing editor. That’s Dan Miller’s job. For that, I’m grabbing your ass EXTRA hard at Macworld Expo next January.

  25. burleyLIZhurley says:

    didn’t sony try out this technque on their T5 cameras, and now disgruntled users are pointing the finger at them (the dismembered finger that got cut off by the infintley sharp edges that is)

  26. blank says:

    If one of those 2-D iMacs comes off its stand, its going straight to the center of the earth. Interesting recycling plan–should get Greenpeace off Jobs’ back for a while…

    …at least until enough dropped iMacs accumulate to form a black hole. The whining about environmental impact we’ll hear then will make what’s come before seem like nothing.

  27. jon deal says:

    “the new Mac mini apparently does not occupy any physical space in our dimension at all, as CEO Steve Jobs decided it just wasn’t worth mentioning.”

    Oh, SNAP!! Nice one.

  28. Getting sucked into N-space sounds less disconcerting than the gaping wide Superdrive on my 12″ PowerBook. If I’m not careful to let go of the CD in time, a hand reaches out, grips my wrist, and starts tugging me inside.

    Sometimes, late at night while I’m working, I see shadowy silhouettes dancing their strange and demonic dances behind the display.

    No matter how loud I crank up Deerhoof or Belle & Sebastian in iTunes, nothing drowns out the eerie sound of someone tuning their banjo inside there. And then there’s the laughter. That cackling. That insane, hysterical cackling…

    All this started after I received my PowerBook back from repair. I think a hillbilly family may have started squatting while it was in transit coming back to me.

    Maybe I should write in to the CARS helpdesk. I’d like to solve the squatting problem before buying one of these 2D dealyboppers and finding out what sort of demons crawl out of N-space through my Superdrive slot.

  29. Thirrouard says:

    dude, this news is insanely funny 😛
    You made me laugh like a fool ^_^

  30. Moof says:

    I’ve figured out N-Space ages ago. My last name starting with “N” will make the following 2 links self-explanatory.

    50 acres of N-Space to get lost in!

  31. Del says:

    I installed Vista on my new iMac and it remapped my N-Space to Z-Space. This is causing all sorts of problems so I thought I’d just reload the OS and go back to Mac OS X only, the problem is I can’t find my DVD drive in Z-Space. Anyone know how to fix this?

  32. Streetrabbit says:

    Del, Boca Del Vista just wont fit into that form factor. That’s your space problem. It’s like trying to fit Cannon into Magnum P.I.’s trousers.

    There is a way to coax it out but it’s not going to be pretty. You need to get a PC and have it play the Windows mating call “Tada” repeatedly. Vista will smooch out of the iMac wearing it’s velvety pyjamas. Be careful though, it’ll be fully aroused. Best if you turn away at this point and get the iMac out of there, it’s only a couple of days old.

  33. Rev says:

    Maybe if we just hit the “eject” button on one of these, the Entity will pop out of the drive?

  34. Walking Contradiction says:

    What, no one else noticed? Am I the only person who can see into 2D space?

    That side view, look at it again. The keyboard is behind the iMac! Either that, or they made the new iMac face downward into your lap.

    Hmmm, when’s the sexbot option being offered? Will we be able to install it online, or will we have to do that funky jiggy thing with the install disk?

    Del, when you do evil and unnatural things to an iMac (for example, installing Vista – eeeewwwwwww!), you find yourself playing with the dark side of the force. You’ll need to do the same to get it out of there, try sacrificing a virgin goat on the altar. That might do it. Of course, it might just appease the demons inside and make them stick around for a while too. I always have trouble figuring out how to appease dieties.

    Maybe you should try Streetrabbit’s suggestion first.

  35. Rev says:

    Actually, that’s just the base of the new iMac. They must not have made that part 2d.

  36. Woz says:

    Actually, the Dell picture in Steve’s keynote address was actually a demonstration of the 11 demnesions of space that’s required to keep a Dell running with all the crap it has to deal with. Like Vista and Micheal Dell and Lexmark printers.

    If they used better stuff, it wouldn’t take all those “tubes.” You see, Dell Computers are series of 11 dimensional tubs that all lead to Alaska.

  37. Rip Ragged says:

    I programmed 4D for a spell. I wasn’t any good at it so I moved on to a more compatible career shouting religious slogans next to an empty cello case.

  38. Steve G. says:

    Re #23:
    Sorry about that. Didn’t realize that I could cause the end of daysTM so casually. I mean, I figured that I’d actually have to do something first.

  39. 4D says:

    4D is still alive and kicking, thanks for asking!

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