Interloper Mars Apple Event.

Yesterday, CEO Steve Jobs introduced several ground-breaking new Mac products, including iMacs, iLife and iWork. The event was seamless except for one incident that stood out to many observers.

During the question and answer period, one member of the crowd asked why Apple doesn’t put “Intel Inside” stickers on its Macs.

Many have wondered who could ask such a mind-numbingly stupid question, but the answer is obvious. There is only one analyst who could be so brazenly moronic as to wonder aloud why Apple doesn’t crap up their gorgeous computers with tacky ads for fricking component manufacturers.

And that analyst is Rob Enderle.

“We’re not sure how he got in here,” said chief operating officer Tim Cook. “He certainly wasn’t invited, but I understand Enderle has a habit of wandering into a lot of events by accident. Kind of like Forrest Gump.”

Apple sources say that after Enderle was escorted from the building, he left behind a sheet of construction paper on which he had scrawled several other questions in crayon.

  • A follow-up question – if you don’t participate in “Intel Inside”, just what sort of cheezy third-party marketing do you do?
  • These so-called “Macs” you speak of… what version of Windows do they run?
  • If I set up a Mac in a corporate environment, how long would it be before it took down the whole network?
  • When are you switching to Windows?
  • I noticed you don’t take a big dump on your computers before you ship them, either. Why is that?
  • I’m sorry, I missed everything after “Satisfaction” stopped playing. Can you start over?
  • I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?
  • You know what’s a really cool color for computers? Beige. You should totally look into that.
  • Has anyone seen my juice box?
  • Does this look infected?

Apple apologized to everyone for the trouble and said Enderle would be driven out to the country and released on a farm somewhere where, they said, “he’d be happier because he could chase the chickens”.

55 thoughts on “Interloper Mars Apple Event.”

  1. Yes. ground-braking would slow the Earth’s rotation and we’d all fall off.

    Can you arrange for that to only affect Windows and Vista users?

  2. You know melting ice caps, rising sea levels and El Ninos are one thing….actually three things. But when we destroy their natural habitat the Enderles are going to come among us, sniffing around our garbage, getting hit by cars.

    It’s seriously worrying.

  3. Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group? The Gang of Two?

    Hi. I’m Acton Deuce of the Deuce Group. We outnumber the Enderle Group by a large margin. There’s Me, Myself, and I (not to mention Ace). Plus, we have been making stupid comments about tech matters for several years as well. Please quote us at length, at your leisure, at your own risk.

    You’ll find our dunderheaded prognostications almost daily here at the Crazy Apple Rumors Site, where “Truth is a Four-Letter Word.”

  4. I understand Phil Schiller gave him a big wedgie on the way out.

    Brings new meaning to the word “jackass”

    I hope he gave him an extra one for

  5. NASA announced today that they forgot to mention that the latest Mars probe is named the Mars Interloper, and, umm… it’s controlled by a series of Applescripts, okay? So, it, like, uses Apple Events ALL THE TIME, okay?

    So, anyway, they, like, read the headline for this post, and it FREAKED THEM OUT, because, like, nobody was supposed to know it was all based on Applescript. Plus, there’s like dyslexia or something. Heh.

  6. Err what?

    Who the hell said “group of two” implying that I’d participate in his dumb-ass company?

    I don’t let that brainless idiot into the same bed as me! Disgusting!

    Sincerely, Enderle’s wife

  7. Revision:

    Never been free, (but I’ve been cheap)
    Never been white (at least in my photos)
    Missed 21 by four minutes.

  8. Those new iMacs will be great once they’re upgraded to Vista, huh?

    Chasing chickens. Yes. I could see how I could enjoy that.

    As long as I get to choke one when I’m done.

  9. List item, “You know that’s a really cool color for computers? Beige. You should totally look into that.”, should read:

    “You know *what’s* a really cool color for computers? Beige. You should totally look into that. And blacklites too.”

  10. Palm went to windows mobile to push us to the iPhone. They lost the religion and havn’t discovered the rEformation.

  11. Nxxx said, “Yes. ground-braking would slow the Earth’s rotation and we’d all fall off.”

    Not if we duct-tape ourselves to a tree.

  12. Pingback: The Haunted Palace
  13. Gravity isn’t about rotation!

    It’s a function of mass.

    The REAL problem is that as Apple’s marketshare increases, and they make more products in only two dimensions, Earth’s total mass will decrease, causing acceleration of rotation and a simultaneous decrease in gravitational pull – then we’ll all just be thrown off the planet.

    I don’t think even ground-braking will help us then.

    Buy stock in 3M. Duct tape will be essential for life on Earth.

    And Velcroâ„¢ – don’t forget about Velcroâ„¢.

    7

  14. look, I’ve read your comments, and I want to let each and every one of you know how much you have hurt me. I am hurt. for the record, I just like those stickers. I like all stickers. I put stickers on my own computers and I wish I had more. there’s nothing wrong with that. and sometimes, when I think of small monkeys, you know. I touch… you know.

  15. During roll call every day in grade school, Rob Enderle thought the teacher was advising the other students to take his lunch money.

    That kind of thing leaves a scar on the psyche.

  16. The fact that Rob Enderle is still employed gives me hope for my employment future given the long string of stupid things I’ve said in the past. Every time I hear Enderle interviewed on NPR I just laugh so hard. Now when I hear him I’ll picture him chasing chickens and being happy.

    “You know, son, the day is commin’ when we’re gonna hav’ta put him down. He’s happy now but he can’t chase them chickens fer ev’ah.”

    “I know Pa. But he’s happy now.”

  17. It’s very difficult to get Off-Topic on CARS without mentioning those two little lines between your nose and upper lip. There’s a word for those. The brain cells that contain the word were tragically killed in a deliberate act of alcohol consumption.

    Shame doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  18. Bob Keefe is very offended that it was here at CARS that his being turned into a eunuch was broached.

    You, nerd, need to apologize. He can’t go to work at the Austin Statesman-American he’s so afraid he’s going to lose his “boys.”

    Don’t worry Bob, it’s a “SATIRE” site, here. We’re not serious. Just relax.

    (Okay, Moltz, get your knife ready…”

Comments are closed.