08 Aug 07Interloper Mars Apple Event.

Yesterday, CEO Steve Jobs introduced several ground-breaking new Mac products, including iMacs, iLife and iWork. The event was seamless except for one incident that stood out to many observers.

During the question and answer period, one member of the crowd asked why Apple doesn’t put “Intel Inside” stickers on its Macs.

Many have wondered who could ask such a mind-numbingly stupid question, but the answer is obvious. There is only one analyst who could be so brazenly moronic as to wonder aloud why Apple doesn’t crap up their gorgeous computers with tacky ads for fricking component manufacturers.

And that analyst is Rob Enderle.

“We’re not sure how he got in here,” said chief operating officer Tim Cook. “He certainly wasn’t invited, but I understand Enderle has a habit of wandering into a lot of events by accident. Kind of like Forrest Gump.”

Apple sources say that after Enderle was escorted from the building, he left behind a sheet of construction paper on which he had scrawled several other questions in crayon.

  • A follow-up question – if you don’t participate in “Intel Inside”, just what sort of cheezy third-party marketing do you do?
  • These so-called “Macs” you speak of… what version of Windows do they run?
  • If I set up a Mac in a corporate environment, how long would it be before it took down the whole network?
  • When are you switching to Windows?
  • I noticed you don’t take a big dump on your computers before you ship them, either. Why is that?
  • I’m sorry, I missed everything after “Satisfaction” stopped playing. Can you start over?
  • I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?
  • You know what’s a really cool color for computers? Beige. You should totally look into that.
  • Has anyone seen my juice box?
  • Does this look infected?

Apple apologized to everyone for the trouble and said Enderle would be driven out to the country and released on a farm somewhere where, they said, “he’d be happier because he could chase the chickens”.

57 Responses to “Interloper Mars Apple Event.”

  1. His Steveness says:

    Foist litle pony..

  2. His Steveness says:

    I should sponsor a pony therapie for dear Robby….

  3. I think you want “ground-brEaking.”

    Dos.

  4. Nxxx says:

    Yes. ground-braking would slow the Earth’s rotation and we’d all fall off.

    Can you arrange for that to only affect Windows and Vista users?

  5. Streetrabbit says:

    You know melting ice caps, rising sea levels and El Ninos are one thing….actually three things. But when we destroy their natural habitat the Enderles are going to come among us, sniffing around our garbage, getting hit by cars.

    It’s seriously worrying.

  6. John Moltz says:

    Damned iPhone!

  7. fatbo says:

    ninth, bitches. iPWN!

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group? The Gang of Two?

    Hi. I’m Acton Deuce of the Deuce Group. We outnumber the Enderle Group by a large margin. There’s Me, Myself, and I (not to mention Ace). Plus, we have been making stupid comments about tech matters for several years as well. Please quote us at length, at your leisure, at your own risk.

    You’ll find our dunderheaded prognostications almost daily here at the Crazy Apple Rumors Site, where “Truth is a Four-Letter Word.”

  9. Don of Doom says:

    F%^#$^ Windows Mobile!! Why did Palm do that to their Treo’s?????

    Top Ten!

  10. Don of Doom says:

    And %@#%#$% you as well Ace Deuce!! 😉

  11. Mark Whybird says:

    Wierd: it actually is spelt correctly, seeing the word mars capatalised in the headline makes me keep thinking of the planet.

  12. redeyebase says:

    Fell asleep to the sound of mindless tuberosity … now will retire gracefully [sound of mind-numbing bombasity]

  13. More macs than residents at our house says:

    I understand Phil Schiller gave him a big wedgie on the way out.

    Brings new meaning to the word “jackass”

    I hope he gave him an extra one for

  14. The Director says:

    Haha, best story today.

    CZAR is becoming more fun than FSJ.

  15. Sudo Nym says:

    NASA announced today that they forgot to mention that the latest Mars probe is named the Mars Interloper, and, umm… it’s controlled by a series of Applescripts, okay? So, it, like, uses Apple Events ALL THE TIME, okay?

    So, anyway, they, like, read the headline for this post, and it FREAKED THEM OUT, because, like, nobody was supposed to know it was all based on Applescript. Plus, there’s like dyslexia or something. Heh.

  16. KillBill says:

    Err what?

    Who the hell said “group of two” implying that I’d participate in his dumb-ass company?

    I don’t let that brainless idiot into the same bed as me! Disgusting!

    Sincerely, Enderle’s wife

  17. […] of the new iMac, iLife ‘08, and iWork ‘08. In the meantime,  the folks over at CrazyAppleRumors.com think they know who it […]

  18. […] is a bit of fun being had at the expense of Rob Enderle over his “Why don’t you put Intel Inside […]

  19. Rich says:

    It’s only funny because it’s true.

  20. Too all-beef patty says:

    Free, white and 21.

    (feel free to change color to chartreuse if necessary for PC)

  21. Too all-beef patty says:

    Revision:

    Never been free, (but I’ve been cheap)
    Never been white (at least in my photos)
    Missed 21 by four minutes.

  22. Rob Enderle says:

    Those new iMacs will be great once they’re upgraded to Vista, huh?

    Chasing chickens. Yes. I could see how I could enjoy that.

    As long as I get to choke one when I’m done.

  23. Marco says:

    List item, “You know that’s a really cool color for computers? Beige. You should totally look into that.”, should read:

    “You know *what’s* a really cool color for computers? Beige. You should totally look into that. And blacklites too.”

  24. nonlinearG says:

    Palm went to windows mobile to push us to the iPhone. They lost the religion and havn’t discovered the rEformation.

  25. Lurker says:

    Nxxx said, “Yes. ground-braking would slow the Earth’s rotation and we’d all fall off.”

    Not if we duct-tape ourselves to a tree.

  26. blank says:

    Well, duct tape *is* like The Force… oh, forget it.

    Yeah, I got nuthin’ today.

  27. Interloper Inside…

    aka Crayons and Board Meetings.

    Thanks to John Gruber: I so needed this funny. Thankee kindly….

  28. Lurker says:

    How is duct tape like midichlorians?

  29. Anomynous says:

    Oh No! Rip Ragged is Rob Enderle! Run!

  30. Phil says:

    C’mon, CARS staff – you _know_ he would have written MAC.

  31. fractured cell says:

    come here, little chickens…

    RRRIP…

    hee hee…

  32. the 7 of Swords says:

    Gravity isn’t about rotation!

    It’s a function of mass.

    The REAL problem is that as Apple’s marketshare increases, and they make more products in only two dimensions, Earth’s total mass will decrease, causing acceleration of rotation and a simultaneous decrease in gravitational pull – then we’ll all just be thrown off the planet.

    I don’t think even ground-braking will help us then.

    Buy stock in 3M. Duct tape will be essential for life on Earth.

    And Velcroâ„¢ – don’t forget about Velcroâ„¢.

    7

  33. Rob Enderle says:

    look, I’ve read your comments, and I want to let each and every one of you know how much you have hurt me. I am hurt. for the record, I just like those stickers. I like all stickers. I put stickers on my own computers and I wish I had more. there’s nothing wrong with that. and sometimes, when I think of small monkeys, you know. I touch… you know.

  34. Sudo Nym says:

    During roll call every day in grade school, Rob Enderle thought the teacher was advising the other students to take his lunch money.

    That kind of thing leaves a scar on the psyche.

  35. Ahnyer Keester says:

    The fact that Rob Enderle is still employed gives me hope for my employment future given the long string of stupid things I’ve said in the past. Every time I hear Enderle interviewed on NPR I just laugh so hard. Now when I hear him I’ll picture him chasing chickens and being happy.

    “You know, son, the day is commin’ when we’re gonna hav’ta put him down. He’s happy now but he can’t chase them chickens fer ev’ah.”

    “I know Pa. But he’s happy now.”

  36. Nerd says:

    Also, this means that…

    CARS IS LYING TO US!!!!

    $100,000 FOR MCGRUDER’S SHREDDED NUTS!

  37. Rip Ragged says:

    It’s very difficult to get Off-Topic on CARS without mentioning those two little lines between your nose and upper lip. There’s a word for those. The brain cells that contain the word were tragically killed in a deliberate act of alcohol consumption.

    Shame doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  38. blank says:

    I’ll take “philtrum” for $100, Rip.

  39. Michael Dell says:

    I think this could be a serious issue. Apple is saving the planet by not wasting precious Intel stickers that can otherwise be used by Dell.

  40. but really, where are the “Designed for Windows” stickers.

  41. Shut up Ballmer, you bald, fat, sweaty, semi-literate, megalomaniacal apprentice clown.

    Damn that was fun.

  42. […] Interloper Mars Apple Event. RE: that moron who asked why there are no intel stickers on macs. so funny… (tags: apple humor) […]

  43. […] Crazy Apple Rumors Site » Blog Archive » Interloper Mars Apple Event. ROFL. […]

  44. […] i macblogosfären Gruber kallar den "The Dumbest Question IÂ’ve Ever Heard" och CARS gjorde en rolig sak av den: During the question and answer period, one member of the crowd asked why Apple doesnÂ’t put “Intel […]

  45. Bob Keefe is very offended that it was here at CARS that his being turned into a eunuch was broached.

    You, nerd, need to apologize. He can’t go to work at the Austin Statesman-American he’s so afraid he’s going to lose his “boys.”

    Don’t worry Bob, it’s a “SATIRE” site, here. We’re not serious. Just relax.

    (Okay, Moltz, get your knife ready…”

  46. Teehee. The real Rob Enderle just linked to this story:

    http://www.technewsworld.com/story/58900.html

  47. Anonymous says:

    Hello, Your site is great. Regards, Valintino Guxxi

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