09 Aug 07Jobs Getting His Jargon On.

Another odd moment from Tuesday’s unveiling that several sites noticed was Steve Jobs’ use of the term “Web 2.0”. Many expressed surprise that Jobs would stoop to using such cheap industry jargon, but sources say the mercurial Apple CEO has been doing this with increasing regularity.

“I’m not sure but I think someone might have left a copy of Business 2.0 in his office or something,” said senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller. “I walked by there the other day and I heard him say ‘That paradigm is a total meme.’ That doesn’t even make any sense.

“At least I don’t think it does.”

Oddly, Schiller said, Jobs wasn’t on the phone and had no one in his office.

“I think he was just trying it out. There might even have been a mirror on his desk.”

Chief operating officer Tim Cook said he heard Jobs say “We’re gonna mashup that SOA and deploy it throughout the enterprise on a go-forward basis.”

“The weird thing is,” Cook said, “He was talking to some squirrels on the campus.

“But Steve works in mysterious ways,” Cook noted, nodding sagely.

“Plus, I think some of those squirrels are venture capitalists. And venture capitalists eat that shit up with a spoon.”

Jobs declined to comment for this story, but did send over some business plans that consisted of spreadsheets, graphs about market penetration and a bunch of completely incomprehensible gibberish.

25 Responses to “Jobs Getting His Jargon On.”

  1. Dreil says:


  2. Carbonfish says:

    THREE! Now to the readin’.

  3. Carbonfish says:

    Damn! THREE! Now to the readin’.

  4. His Steveness says:

    I don’t care for the reading… 4th

  5. Carbonfish says:

    Ha, ha, hahahahah…

    Ummmmm, John? That’s gibberish with a ‘G’ dude…

  6. redeyebase says:

    Whoa. Made it. You’re it.

  7. redeyebase says:

    yeah, gibberish … it’s all geek to me.

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    Penetration. CARS Staff once again is using the psychosexual jargon it’s known for. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  9. Nxxx says:

    Were the squirrels red or grey?

    If they were red, my European takeover and merge of both Apples is reaching conclusion.

  10. Jay in the iom says:

    Top ten, and it’s friday, Wooooooooooooo

    Never trust a squirrel.

  11. Wesley says:

    This jargon goes to 11!

  12. nonlinearG says:

    Better than the help desk for we who are beyond help.

    Is CARS intering the dIlbert Zone?

  13. Loose Leaf says:

    I’m going to grab my buzzword bingo card and read that one again.

  14. blank says:


    What do I win?

  15. pizzaboy says:

    B-15! Bingo!

  16. alan says:

    what the hell is SOA? The only thing I can think of is Subaru of America… huh?

  17. DDA says:

    August, SOA = Service Oriented Architecture. Of course, I have no idea what *that* means, but there ya go.

  18. Saikou Yuden says:

    I think it’s marketeer-speak for Something Out of my Ass. Goes with “Web 2.0” and a side of fries.

  19. I thought “eating shit up with a spoon” was some kind of jargon about GPL or Zune.

    I guess I’m just not gangster enough.


  20. Brother Mugga says:

    At *last* we get some ‘penetration’ action from the CARS team.

    Nice to see them back on their game.

    Or should that be, nice to see them back to realising their potential and reaching for the now within the current paradigm-actuality?

  21. Rip Ragged says:

    I’m getting a blister on my meme just thinking about it.

  22. Weirdest thing along these lines was the last WWDC where Jobs was showing that crazy Phil Schiller-upside-down ichatting thing and saying it was going to compete with MySpace. WTF?sz?!

  23. Also if you’re gonna be upside down, the background should be an ice cave. Can they have wompa noises in the background? I guess you could play your own wompa noises.

  24. Russell says:

    hi i enjoyed the read